Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I am SKINNY!

During my training seminar today a woman and i started chatting. She has PCOS, and i shared that i have it too. SHE FREAKED OUT! She yelled "OH MY GAAAAAWD. Damn! You're too skinny to have PCOS! Gawd what are you 120 lbs? And you have no facial hair and no receding hairline........" and blah blah.

SHE CALLED ME SKINNY! Okay skinny for PCOS but c'mon that counts.

Anywho, then 2 other women with PCOS come up and start chatting about it. I FELT NORMAL! I showed off my partially receding hairline (no one notices with the way my hair is) and showed that i have sideburns that are just very blonde.

The only disturbing part, was these women. I am 5 foot, 4 inches, and although i dont look it, I about 185 lbs. So, i am not little. I have DDD's and they make everything else look small.
But these women were big. The first one, lets call her Liz, was atleast 300 probably 350 ish. And the others weren't that big, maybe 230 and 280. But they all had to shave their faces, and 2 of them weren't much older than i am. Now i know im not that amazing, after all, Kate Gosselin has it and she is way thinner than i am.

I just felt like "Wow! The only things i have showing pcos (irregular periods, enlarged ovaries) are minor compared to these women." And for a minute, yes, i thought about a second opinion, until i remembered Kate. Plus, i LOVE my obgyn.

But Liz, scared me. She ate a medium pizza alone, and was nice enough to buy me a personal pan (the place doesnt take debit cards) and she drank 3 1 liter pops, Dr. Pepper specifically. Then when we did blood sugar checks (its a med class) hers was 453. She does not have insurance so she never checks it since the strips cost so much. But still, thats reckless. I made her promise to call her doctor asap. I hope she listens. She was so sweet.

Anywho, im going to play with my pups and go snuggle Gee.

Bobi

Monday, June 21, 2010

Ex Bestie

My Best Friend from age 5-13 is due today. She posted on FB that she had a false alarm but is so ready to meet her baby girl. I just found out she was pregnant a week ago! Too soon! Had not prepared myself for this. Hers was an accident. She parties every night. I do not. WHY NOT ME?

Shortly, as in next update, later i find out my cousin has made her announcement. She had a son a few years ago, after 2 years of trying. Since he was 1 she has been trying again. So a year and a half. She got what she wanted. ME? Ive only been trying for 19 F*CKING MONTHS!

Life, you have shot me a raw deal. I know I should learn something but all im learning is that INFERTILITY SUCKS!

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On a lighter note, i am taking July off. Unless im pregnant (even though i have been taking ovulation tests since day 9 and its day 20 and i havent ovulated) and happy. So no clomid, which means no hot flashes, no OPKs, no timing, no cervical mucus checks, but probably lots of sex. Yep, nice relaxed sex that has nothing to do with a baby, everything to do with my hubby.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Postcard from my Ovaries

The reason I am afraid to do tests:
I am secure with going to sleep believing I have PCOS, hyperthyroidism, and endometriosis. But I cannot handle anymore for now. I like my ovaries and i to have a one way form of communication;
me "do some f*ing working in there before i shove a high pressure hose up there and get rid of you little f*ers. Thanks, now make pretty babies and i will keep you around for awhile. Make eggs who will accept Gee's handsome little sperm"

Ovaries-

They should listen. Not talk. More tests will make them talk. I like not knowing, i can still have hope. Unless i get a postcard. My biggest fear is this:

Dear Landlady,

You do not deserve children. We are empty and hate you. We hope you never have a child to hold in your own damn arms. You do not deserve it. So f* off lady. We ain't payin no rent and we ain't givin you no f*in baby. So back the f* off hoe.

Love,
Your Stupid F*ing Ovaries.


Yes, i know, Lisa (left) And Rita (right) have a dirty mouth.
I just wish i could get them to cooperate without having to know that they aren't.
Maybe next month will be better.



Now for an update.

I have not ovulated. I had periods for the last 2 months on Clomid 50 mg, so that means i did then. I am on day 16 and i have not ovulated. DAY 16 PEOPLE! MY TEST SAYS ITS NOT COMING SOON EITHER!
Called wonderfully blissful OBGYN's office and explained entire situation to always upbeat Leslie. She said she will inform Wonderfully blissful OBGYN when she returns from vacation next week. Vacation spent with her 3 year old. HELLLLLOOOOO call her and interupt, im tryin to get my own 3 year old out here!

No, im fine. I love my OBGYN i just have no patience. I mean this is the doctor who for a year, almost 2 has been trying to make me realize that i do not have the option of waiting to have kids.
Who i fear will probably just tell me to go see an RE because Clomid may not be enough and as an OBGYN she probably wont do anything else for me. (fingers crossed that i dont have to see an RE as insurance wont cover any part of it at all) I just want 1000000000mg of Clomid, a big old catheter of cleansed sperm and a day at the zoo with my mommy friends.

Yes, all of my friends have kids, and yes, i am dealing with it. I love their kids. I honestly think that i love their kids more than i love myself. So therefore i plan to kidnap them all and run away together.

Kidding kinda


Oh and im too lazy to capitalize my i's so live with it. I do the first letter of a sentence, names, pronouns and sometimes nO reaSon.

Looooooove Bobi