12w4d

I am technically only 12w3d but dammit, I have an hour!

I promise I will scan our next Ultrasound picture.

I have been gone for awhile due to exhaustion and timing and just enjoying this gift.

I had very easy to control morning sickness until about 9 weeks when BAM! I lost control. It was a rough 18 days of vomit. But I have felt better since. I caught te flu. The doctor told me I could throw everything up for 12 hours but after that, I had best get my butt to the ER. So, just an hour shy of 12 hours, I ate 2 bites of Gee's bagel, had 2 sips of water and went to bed. TADA! I survived and woke up to eat a whole bagel and then 2 hours later a pizza. I made half an extra large pizza last 8 hours because more than 1 piece at a time will KILL my stomach.

I finally realized how to poop. It comes like clock work. Three small pebbles every hour for 3 hours. Apparently that is fine. I had been nervous about showing my ultrasound picture to people because I am convinced you can tell how full of shit I am in it. I only know what the uterus is and what the baby is in it (It was taken at like 10 weeks 4 days) and all that other stuff could be poop as far as I know.

Either way, tomorrow my MIL is getting a framed picture of it for her birthday. And for 's Mother's Day the two Great Grandmother's, and Two Grandmother's are getting framed pictures of the Ultrasound we will be getting Monday.

Yay!

I no longer think I am having a boy. I think I am having a stroller. I dream about my stroller. It is the only thing I can for sure picture in my head. I see a mass of blankets inside of it and that is it. And bitches better stop stealing my stroller in my dreams because I wake up in a panic.

My dream last night was awful. My MIL (in my dream) bought us a wicker pink and white bassinet. It was beautiful. Then she died. My MIL. We were comforting my FIL when suddenly he decided he needed money and wanted to pawn my bassinet. So Gee and I chased him trying to stop him but Gee ended up being too afraid to stand up to his father about it. Then Gee woke me up and when I shared this dream he asked me to never share it again. AKA do not tell anyone how much of a jerk his father is. Because his dad really would do that if a bassinet were worth pawning.

We have done nothing. The plan was that by this weekend the house would be cleaned and organized and the nursery would be empty of everything besides a crib. The nursery is packed full of things that need to be organized and stored in the attic or given away or sold at a garage sale. The house is at it's worst ever. Doing dishes has made me throw up at least 12 times and I have finally given up. Gee sucks at dishes and is just refusing. So, I am trying to find a good time to pay my mother to do it for me. I did clean and organize the living room Thursday after I recovered from my flu. I also have managed to keep up with the bathroom. Today I cleaned off the dining room table and maybe tomorrow I will organized everything else in the dining room. That is probably as far as I will get this weekend.

We have not bought the crib. It was meant to be the 12 week gift to ourselves but we failed. We still have some fears.

Speaking of. After this long of trying and so many losses, I am allowed to be the crazy pregnant woman who obsesses over every twinge, every feeling, every symptom. I am allowed to continue to check for blood everytime I pee. I am allowed to lay in bed for hours just trying to imagine the "What ifs". Recently some of my friends decided that I am not. Okay, just 2 people who have never had a loss. One got pregnant on accident, one got pregnant on accident once and then tried for 8 months for number 2. For 4 of those months her husband wasn't even sure he wanted another child at the time. So, when I finally got pregnant, we talked. At first number 1 was complaining about how she wanted to be induced from the time she was 34 weeks. Friend number 2 was bitching about her pregnancy before I even got pregnant. Bitching to an infertile! It is a crime. But apparently I commited a cardinal sin.

I am sorry I am a crazy pregnant woman. Switch me places and let's see how you feel.



Everything else is dandy. I promise I will update Monday or Tuesday after the ultrasound.


Bobi

Nervous

what, if anything, do you know about mthfr polymorphism? my phone will not let me capitalize too much so this wont be the best blog post ever. but im worried and sharing . my cousin has mthfr and it caused her to clot at 11 weeks and lose her baby. when i told the nurse that it was in my family history (just the one cousin though) she turned white as a sheet and explained it a little bit. if i were to have it i would never relax. id be on bed rest blood thinners, etc. and have a chortened life span.

silly to worry about stuff that chances are, i dont have. but i do. its my job. i cant find anything on dr. google. so share any knowledge you have.

as for me, i got to see the monster today. baby fishy monster was doing some cartwheels and his heart was going a mile a minute. it was just a nurses visit so i didnt expect to see him, but when she heard we had a family history of twins, she pulled out an ultrasound maachine from the 90's and check him out. we just got one picture and since she couldnt zoom in its not very good, but since he was so little, he almost looked like a starfish. a cute one! anywho every 5 seconds my phone is now popping up with an alert about losing the page data and i dont want to retype this so i think i better post quick.

hopefully all remains well. only 29 weeks and 1 day left!

Friday Night Leftovers the Oh! Yeah! Hi! Edition

Sorry. It has been a long time. I apologize. I have been commenting and leaving little tidbits there. So, you all should know I am alive.

I guess my radio silence started after a friend, lets call her Klee, had the idea to start a blog. I gave her the links to a few friends, including Jen. Jen had just suffered a loss and is always such a great blogger that I thought she would be one of the top 3 blogs to recommend.

I did not realize that Klee's friend Carol was 9 months pregnant, had no life, and was a stalker of sorts. By reading the comments on Jen's loss and the story I told to try and distract her while she waited for Luke, Carol and Klee found me. I had stressed just how much I did not want to be found. I have let my sister, and my friend Katie read this blog. That is it. Not even Gee.

This is my one place to be free. To say what I want. To shout from the mountain. I like it private. I like it safe. I like to know that I can say "So and so cheated on their pregnant girlfriend." and no one will know who I am talking about!

If BBBB ever came accross this blog, she would either A) Kill herself B) Sue me C) Apologize. I only like one of those options and it is the least likely. I like things private. Klee and Carol are also on my facebook discussing pregnancy every day. They discuss it with people who I discuss on here all the time. Hell, I am pretty damn sure I have bitched about both Klee and Carol on here many times. But that is why THIS IS MY SPACE!

So, I had debated on going to invite only. But I like new people coming in. Then I find their blogs and read them, and I feel more of a member of the community. I debated on switching to a different blog and just shooting an email out to a few people telling them where to go. But if Carol ever gets bored again (her newborn apparently is a great sleeper), I will have the same issue.

My mind has been over stressed, over anxious, over worked, just thinking about how much I wanted to blog. But these two people ruined it for me. They ruined the one free place I had. Something all my own.

I will not stand for it. So until I come up with a better option, I will continue blogging, and if Carol and Klee read, that is fine, but I will never discuss my blog with them. If they comment, I will not answer. In RL if they mention it, I will probably snap, and then refuse to answer. This is my private space.

Oh, and if either one of them piss me off to the point where I have to tell someone, Yep, you guessed it, I will come here. And I will say what I want. They crossed a boundary that I had clearly set, and if they get hurt, I can honestly say, I will not feel bad.

Now on to

LEFTOVERS!

• I am actually farther along than they believed. My period started on 2-7-11 but I ovulated on 2-14 to 2-17. Ultrasound will determine just how far, but I am guessing 9wk6d.


• I felt "quickening" and nearly shit my pants. I never expected that. It has nly happened twice and only when I am laying on my stomach.


• Went to the midwife. Gee freaked out. He can't handle the idea of no hospital, no Doctor, etc. So, we compromised. I will be going to a group. One OB (my first male ob) who works with 4 or 5 midwives. The midwives do everything, but the OB is there for emergencies and such. I will be giving birth ina hospital. Only one in our area offers waterbirth and these midwives highly recommend it. First appointment on the 18th!


• I want to take Bradley Method birthing classes. Gee doesn't understand this.


• I love my job.


• Gee is holding a lot of reservations and is afraid of this pregnancy. He has only mentioned it once without a prompt.


• Gee also does not believe in cravings, hormones or eating to avoid morning sickness. Bitch ate my roll. I had big plans for that roll. Had to eat peanut butter toast with no milk and it made me throw up! Too dry!


• Spent $60 in 3 days just to satisfy cravings. Never again.


• Can't poop.

Anywho, go check out Danifred who I am sure can poop.

Bobi