12w4d

I am technically only 12w3d but dammit, I have an hour!

I promise I will scan our next Ultrasound picture.

I have been gone for awhile due to exhaustion and timing and just enjoying this gift.

I had very easy to control morning sickness until about 9 weeks when BAM! I lost control. It was a rough 18 days of vomit. But I have felt better since. I caught te flu. The doctor told me I could throw everything up for 12 hours but after that, I had best get my butt to the ER. So, just an hour shy of 12 hours, I ate 2 bites of Gee's bagel, had 2 sips of water and went to bed. TADA! I survived and woke up to eat a whole bagel and then 2 hours later a pizza. I made half an extra large pizza last 8 hours because more than 1 piece at a time will KILL my stomach.

I finally realized how to poop. It comes like clock work. Three small pebbles every hour for 3 hours. Apparently that is fine. I had been nervous about showing my ultrasound picture to people because I am convinced you can tell how full of shit I am in it. I only know what the uterus is and what the baby is in it (It was taken at like 10 weeks 4 days) and all that other stuff could be poop as far as I know.

Either way, tomorrow my MIL is getting a framed picture of it for her birthday. And for 's Mother's Day the two Great Grandmother's, and Two Grandmother's are getting framed pictures of the Ultrasound we will be getting Monday.

Yay!

I no longer think I am having a boy. I think I am having a stroller. I dream about my stroller. It is the only thing I can for sure picture in my head. I see a mass of blankets inside of it and that is it. And bitches better stop stealing my stroller in my dreams because I wake up in a panic.

My dream last night was awful. My MIL (in my dream) bought us a wicker pink and white bassinet. It was beautiful. Then she died. My MIL. We were comforting my FIL when suddenly he decided he needed money and wanted to pawn my bassinet. So Gee and I chased him trying to stop him but Gee ended up being too afraid to stand up to his father about it. Then Gee woke me up and when I shared this dream he asked me to never share it again. AKA do not tell anyone how much of a jerk his father is. Because his dad really would do that if a bassinet were worth pawning.

We have done nothing. The plan was that by this weekend the house would be cleaned and organized and the nursery would be empty of everything besides a crib. The nursery is packed full of things that need to be organized and stored in the attic or given away or sold at a garage sale. The house is at it's worst ever. Doing dishes has made me throw up at least 12 times and I have finally given up. Gee sucks at dishes and is just refusing. So, I am trying to find a good time to pay my mother to do it for me. I did clean and organize the living room Thursday after I recovered from my flu. I also have managed to keep up with the bathroom. Today I cleaned off the dining room table and maybe tomorrow I will organized everything else in the dining room. That is probably as far as I will get this weekend.

We have not bought the crib. It was meant to be the 12 week gift to ourselves but we failed. We still have some fears.

Speaking of. After this long of trying and so many losses, I am allowed to be the crazy pregnant woman who obsesses over every twinge, every feeling, every symptom. I am allowed to continue to check for blood everytime I pee. I am allowed to lay in bed for hours just trying to imagine the "What ifs". Recently some of my friends decided that I am not. Okay, just 2 people who have never had a loss. One got pregnant on accident, one got pregnant on accident once and then tried for 8 months for number 2. For 4 of those months her husband wasn't even sure he wanted another child at the time. So, when I finally got pregnant, we talked. At first number 1 was complaining about how she wanted to be induced from the time she was 34 weeks. Friend number 2 was bitching about her pregnancy before I even got pregnant. Bitching to an infertile! It is a crime. But apparently I commited a cardinal sin.

I am sorry I am a crazy pregnant woman. Switch me places and let's see how you feel.



Everything else is dandy. I promise I will update Monday or Tuesday after the ultrasound.


Bobi