The point of this essay was to work on using descriptive words. I thought it was okay, nothing amazing. I am sharing it because, well, it relates to the blog. This is the night, over 6 years ago, that brought my husband and I together. This is why George Huddy Albert exists. Pretty relevant right? It is the final of the essays I will be sharing until next semester. Stay tuned, because I promise to share some George anecdotes in the next few days. Hint: He is crawling, standing, speaking and using the potty at 8 months!
"I want to meet someone too!" I had been out of a serious relationship for almost 6 months and thought a new man might spark the interest of my ex.
"Sure, I'll introduce you to George." Richard said.
"Oh! No! Please, can I have George! I like his name," Katie chimed in.
"No! Katie, you are with Kirk! You don't need anyone!" I was determined. But a George? I could imagine a fat, balding man in a white t-shirt, with a grease stain, eating potato chips out of the bag while watching "Hot Cars, Hot Chicks" on some MAN network.
Two days later, I was groggy and drugged. The room was lit by fluorescent bulbs and the harsh, artificial light made the white walls look like waterfalls of wet paint. My mother was sanding my hand and sounded worried. She rubbed more anxiously as her voice grew in pitch. She was worried. The doctors wanted her to let me slowly wake up. But I am her daughter. Her one and only child. She needs me to wake up and I'm scaring her. I open my eyes and see the terror on her face.
"Mom, water?" I manage to say with my cotton filled mouth.
"Stacey, how do you feel? Everything went well. You can go home now." A man in a mask is helping me to stand and exit the room.
We walk down the sterile, scarcely lit hall to a dark, gloomy waiting room where my two best friends, Jessi and Katie await. I smile and tell them "All done!" With what I think is a smile. My face is numb. And this cotton in my mouth is squeaking against my teeth.
The moment we hit the car, I yank the cotton out and declare "I need a drink!"
After I pour water all over me in my attempt to quench my thirst with a numb face, we head home. I spend the drive feeling the stitches in the back of my mouth where my wisdom teeth were impacted. Gross. But I do kind of like the salty taste back there. Blood.
When we arrive home, my mom ushers me to bed, Jessi leaves and heads back to her house, and Katie joins me in my room.
"So, still going to have George come to the bonfire?" She asks.
"Oh! I have to call Richard and let him know I am up to it! I can't wait!" I jump up and make my phone call. When I am done, I sit back on the bed.
"Yep! Tonight at 9! Bonfire at Uncle Jays. I'll give Kory and Richard directions once Richard picks up George."
"Okay. Can we take a nap? I'm tired and I'm not even the one drugged up." Katie says, already closing her eyes.
I was riding a roller coaster. My heart went up, it dropped back down, my intestines slid to the left, to the right, my stomach was in my throat, it was in my toes. I was anxious to meet this George, but my face felt like Muhammad Ali had popped me one. But I needed something new. Something refreshing.
As I got dressed, I contemplated the clothes I was pulling out. A pretty, frilly shirt? No. A comfortable shirt with a band name splayed across? Yes. If he liked music, it'd work, if now, well, who doesn't like music?
Once I finished dressing, I realized I was late. I began to rush around and finally, I was ready.
We were to meet at my uncle's for a bonfire and Richard was supposed to be following me, but he was also running behind. I knew he had George with him and had needed to stop by his neighbors really fast and I was anxious. With Katie in my passenger seat and my mom in the back, I drove down to Richard's house anyway. As we approached I saw two figures walking down the blue, dark street, one had Richard's cocky gait and the other, I was pleased to notice, walked like a normal person.
I felt no flutter. My heart didn't skip a beat. My excitement was gone. I didn't know why I had been looking forward to this. He was a normal, average guy.
As he got in the car, he exchanged pleasantries with my mother and I checked him out in my rearview mirror, nothing special. Glasses. His nose had a wide bridge and he had very large lips and shaggy hair.
We drove the short drive and met up with a few more friends along the way.
At my Uncle's, my cousins were eager to roast marshmallows and throw things into the fire pit.
We went behind the house and the fire was already started, the pit is wide enough and deep enough to fit a large car, possibly a truck. As we approached the fire I felt the heat hit me like a tidal wave of comfort. I was surrounded in this warmth and it felt like love was wrapping it's arms around me.
We sat by the fire, George sitting quietly to my right, and told stories. But I couldn't stop looking at George. He seemed to be glancing at me out of the corner of his eye but he wasn't saying much. Finally, I offered him a marshmallow.
"No, thank you." He said in a polite tone with a slight hint of a southern accent. Suddenly, it felt like the fire's heat had increased. It's hug was tighter and almost suffocating. I looked into George's eyes and his met mine and I was suddenly falling into the fire, and he must have fallen right with me, our eyes still locked.
I can’t tell you what happened next. I honestly can’t remember. That powerful moment changed my life and 6 years later, I am celebrating my third wedding anniversary and raising George’s gorgeous son. I guess, we are living happily, ever after.
Thanks so much for reading!
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Breastfeeding In America
In America, only 13% of infants are exclusively breastfed at 6 months of age according to the World Health Organization (WHO). Around 73% of new mothers start out breastfeeding, but by 4 months, only 33% have continued (U.S.A.). Breastfeeding has multiple benefits for an infant, lower risk of multiple diseases and childhood illnesses and provides optimal nutrition for a growing infant. The benefits also extend to the mother who is less likely to develop certain cancers after breastfeeding, with her risks lowering the longer she breastfeeds. Breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed an infant, because so few mothers in America are doing it, America should adopt WHO and UNICEF’s Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative.
The World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) have partnered together to create the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFHI). The BFHI is a detailed plan to give hospitals in all countries the tools to help increase breastfeeding rates. BFHI offers 10 steps for hospitals to complete to be considered “Baby-Friendly”. The steps all have a distinct purpose and way that they will aid new mothers, the community and mothers who have already established a nursing relationship.
The first step to completing WHO’s BFHI is to write a breastfeeding friendly policy for the hospital and communicate the policy to all staff regularly. Medical training, even for physicians, only briefly covers breastfeeding. In fact, in the book he wrote with his wife, Dr. William Sears admits that he had minimal knowledge prior to having his own children. When a nursing relationship is at it’s weakest is when medical professionals are often sought out. In the first few days of life, any small amount of criticism or doubt placed in a mother’s mind can destroy her confidence in nursing. Medical Professionals in birth centers and hospitals need to be prepared to offer encouraging assistance so as not to hinder the nursing relationship. Another instance when a mother may need support is when she or the infant are going through medical trouble such as childhood illnesses, the routine flu, or something more. Medical professionals need to be prepared to deal with these issues in a way that encourages the mother to continued nursing and they need to know about medications that are appropriate for a nursing mother to take. All staff will need to be aware of the rights of nursing mothers. With competent medical professionals who are trained in their policy, hospitals can expect nursing mothers to be more comfortable receiving services there and for pregnant mothers to seek out physicians affiliated with their hospital (babyfriendlyusa.org) (WHO).
The medical staff will need to be aware of the breastfeeding policy, but the actual health care providers will need to know steps to assist in implementing the policy. They must learn the anatomy of the breast, the benefits of breastfeeding, steps to establishing a healthy latch, how to evaluate a latch and how to care for the mother and infant without damaging the nursing relationship. The more closely a provider will be working with mother’s and infants, the more training and information they will need (WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org).
All soon-to-be mother’s need to receive information on breastfeeding, regardless of their intentions. Just because a mother thinks she would prefer to formula feed, does not mean she has the facts on breastfeeding. Women are frequently given false information by well meaning family members and friends, it is a health care professional‘s responsibility to ensure that she has the correct information to make her decision with. Information should begin with how her body is preparing to nurse during pregnancy, information on colostrums and the size of an infant’s stomach at birth, information on growth spurts, health differences between formula and breastfed babies as well as the thousands of benefits to her child if she does choose to breastfeed. While health care providers may not condemn or make a mother feel guilty for not breastfeeding, they should ensure that any and all questions are answered and all basic benefits are understood (AAP, WHO, babyfriendly.org).
Within the first hour of it’s life, an infant’s natural instinct is to begin “rooting” or sniffing and feeling around for a nipple. It is characterized by the distinct “eh” sound the infant makes as they do it. Their body and the mother’s body have a biological connection and are made to respond to each other’s cues. Hospital’s that wish to become Baby –Friendly should do everything in their power to assist new mothers in latching their babies on within the first hour. Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears say “Studies show that early-contact newborns learn to latch on more efficiently than babies who are separated from their mothers. This is a time when baby will be in a quiet state of alertness, the optimal behavioral state for interaction with you,” in their book, The Breastfeeding Book. The health care providers should ensure that the latch is correct and that any questions and concerns are taken care of before they leave the new mother and infant. If the infant is not well enough and needs to receive further medical care, the first latch should be established as soon as medically safe (Sears, AAP, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org).
Whether a mother is separated from her newborn or already successfully latching, health care providers need to explain how to continue the breastfeeding relationship. They should explain growth spurts, feeding on demand, how to check that baby is getting enough milk, pumping and not judging your supply by how much you pump, the amount of milk a newborn baby needs and necessary steps to ensure that the nursing relationship is positive. This information will help boost a mother’s confidence in her body and allow her to continue nursing. Mother’s often experience insecurities in regards to their supply, so health care professionals need to make sure they are leaving mother’s with confidence in their ability to nurse and provide them a way to gauge if their infant is getting enough. If a mother is confident in her body, her body is more likely to cooperate (Sears, WHO babyfriendlyusa.org).
For the first 6 months, WHO recommends giving an infant only breastmilk unless medically necessary. For hospitals to gain BFHI they must agree to only give newborn infants breastmilk, no sugar water, water or any other substance. They also need to communicate this with new mother’s to prevent cereal bottles or other harmful things from being given to infant’s. Many people do not understand that an infant’s stomach is the size of a marble at birth and that colostrum can fill that. They may believe it is necessary to supplement but health care professionals should ensure mother’s that there is no medical reason to do so. There are several health benefits to this practice and it must first begin in the hospital (AAP, Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa).
Hospitals must encourage mother’s to breastfeed on demand. Breasts work on “supply and demand”. If an infant is suckling the breast the breast“knows” it and will begin milk production. Howver much an infant sucks, is how much milk will be made. If a mother is feeding everytime her child shows “cues” (small signs indicating a need) for hunger and feeds until the infant has finished, the breasts will make the correct amount of milk for that specific infant. Attempting to put an infant on a feeding schedule can alter this system and possibly destroy a mother’s confidence in nursing and cause malnutrition in the infant (Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org, Laemmy).
Nursing from a breast requires work. The infant must create a strong suction while using it’s tongue to stimulate the nipple. WHO asks that hospitals seeking BFHI refrain from giving pacifiers and bottles to infants who will be breastfeeding. The ease of the bottle will deter the baby from wanting to work for milk or colostrum from the breast. Pacifiers satisfy the sucking instinct, an instinct designed to help an infant help it’s mother’s milk to come in. If that instinct is artificially satisfied, the infant may not want to suckle the breast and the milk may not come in. Bottles and Pacifiers should be delayed until a healthy, happy, nursing relationship is established (Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org) .
Out of 30 developed countries surveyed by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, America was the 5th least likely country for an infant to be breastfed in. The top 3 countries, Norway, Finland and Sweden, have breastfeeding rates of nearly 100%. “The incidence of exclusive breastfeeding and its duration tends to be higher/longer in countries with long periods of maternity/parental leave,” (OECD) suggesting that returning to work is a major contributing factor to low breastfeeding rates. In other countries, there are laws and regulations on employers to allow mothers to pump. Many follow WHO’s Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, which suggests “Governments should enact imaginative legislation protecting the breastfeeding rights of working women and establishing means for its enforcement in accordance with international labour standards,” with the belief being that if women are more comfortable pumping at work and their employers allow it, they are more likely to continue breastfeeding after their return to work..
Breastfeeding rates in America are significantly lower than most developed countries, despite the fact that breastfeeding provides optimal health benefits to both mothers and infants. If America were to adopt WHO’s Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding rates would rise, but ultimately, the relationship needs to begin before birth. Breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed an infant, because so few Americans are doing it, America should adopt WHO and UNICEF’s Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative.
The World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) have partnered together to create the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFHI). The BFHI is a detailed plan to give hospitals in all countries the tools to help increase breastfeeding rates. BFHI offers 10 steps for hospitals to complete to be considered “Baby-Friendly”. The steps all have a distinct purpose and way that they will aid new mothers, the community and mothers who have already established a nursing relationship.
The first step to completing WHO’s BFHI is to write a breastfeeding friendly policy for the hospital and communicate the policy to all staff regularly. Medical training, even for physicians, only briefly covers breastfeeding. In fact, in the book he wrote with his wife, Dr. William Sears admits that he had minimal knowledge prior to having his own children. When a nursing relationship is at it’s weakest is when medical professionals are often sought out. In the first few days of life, any small amount of criticism or doubt placed in a mother’s mind can destroy her confidence in nursing. Medical Professionals in birth centers and hospitals need to be prepared to offer encouraging assistance so as not to hinder the nursing relationship. Another instance when a mother may need support is when she or the infant are going through medical trouble such as childhood illnesses, the routine flu, or something more. Medical professionals need to be prepared to deal with these issues in a way that encourages the mother to continued nursing and they need to know about medications that are appropriate for a nursing mother to take. All staff will need to be aware of the rights of nursing mothers. With competent medical professionals who are trained in their policy, hospitals can expect nursing mothers to be more comfortable receiving services there and for pregnant mothers to seek out physicians affiliated with their hospital (babyfriendlyusa.org) (WHO).
The medical staff will need to be aware of the breastfeeding policy, but the actual health care providers will need to know steps to assist in implementing the policy. They must learn the anatomy of the breast, the benefits of breastfeeding, steps to establishing a healthy latch, how to evaluate a latch and how to care for the mother and infant without damaging the nursing relationship. The more closely a provider will be working with mother’s and infants, the more training and information they will need (WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org).
All soon-to-be mother’s need to receive information on breastfeeding, regardless of their intentions. Just because a mother thinks she would prefer to formula feed, does not mean she has the facts on breastfeeding. Women are frequently given false information by well meaning family members and friends, it is a health care professional‘s responsibility to ensure that she has the correct information to make her decision with. Information should begin with how her body is preparing to nurse during pregnancy, information on colostrums and the size of an infant’s stomach at birth, information on growth spurts, health differences between formula and breastfed babies as well as the thousands of benefits to her child if she does choose to breastfeed. While health care providers may not condemn or make a mother feel guilty for not breastfeeding, they should ensure that any and all questions are answered and all basic benefits are understood (AAP, WHO, babyfriendly.org).
Within the first hour of it’s life, an infant’s natural instinct is to begin “rooting” or sniffing and feeling around for a nipple. It is characterized by the distinct “eh” sound the infant makes as they do it. Their body and the mother’s body have a biological connection and are made to respond to each other’s cues. Hospital’s that wish to become Baby –Friendly should do everything in their power to assist new mothers in latching their babies on within the first hour. Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears say “Studies show that early-contact newborns learn to latch on more efficiently than babies who are separated from their mothers. This is a time when baby will be in a quiet state of alertness, the optimal behavioral state for interaction with you,” in their book, The Breastfeeding Book. The health care providers should ensure that the latch is correct and that any questions and concerns are taken care of before they leave the new mother and infant. If the infant is not well enough and needs to receive further medical care, the first latch should be established as soon as medically safe (Sears, AAP, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org).
Whether a mother is separated from her newborn or already successfully latching, health care providers need to explain how to continue the breastfeeding relationship. They should explain growth spurts, feeding on demand, how to check that baby is getting enough milk, pumping and not judging your supply by how much you pump, the amount of milk a newborn baby needs and necessary steps to ensure that the nursing relationship is positive. This information will help boost a mother’s confidence in her body and allow her to continue nursing. Mother’s often experience insecurities in regards to their supply, so health care professionals need to make sure they are leaving mother’s with confidence in their ability to nurse and provide them a way to gauge if their infant is getting enough. If a mother is confident in her body, her body is more likely to cooperate (Sears, WHO babyfriendlyusa.org).
For the first 6 months, WHO recommends giving an infant only breastmilk unless medically necessary. For hospitals to gain BFHI they must agree to only give newborn infants breastmilk, no sugar water, water or any other substance. They also need to communicate this with new mother’s to prevent cereal bottles or other harmful things from being given to infant’s. Many people do not understand that an infant’s stomach is the size of a marble at birth and that colostrum can fill that. They may believe it is necessary to supplement but health care professionals should ensure mother’s that there is no medical reason to do so. There are several health benefits to this practice and it must first begin in the hospital (AAP, Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa).
Hospitals must encourage mother’s to breastfeed on demand. Breasts work on “supply and demand”. If an infant is suckling the breast the breast“knows” it and will begin milk production. Howver much an infant sucks, is how much milk will be made. If a mother is feeding everytime her child shows “cues” (small signs indicating a need) for hunger and feeds until the infant has finished, the breasts will make the correct amount of milk for that specific infant. Attempting to put an infant on a feeding schedule can alter this system and possibly destroy a mother’s confidence in nursing and cause malnutrition in the infant (Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org, Laemmy).
Nursing from a breast requires work. The infant must create a strong suction while using it’s tongue to stimulate the nipple. WHO asks that hospitals seeking BFHI refrain from giving pacifiers and bottles to infants who will be breastfeeding. The ease of the bottle will deter the baby from wanting to work for milk or colostrum from the breast. Pacifiers satisfy the sucking instinct, an instinct designed to help an infant help it’s mother’s milk to come in. If that instinct is artificially satisfied, the infant may not want to suckle the breast and the milk may not come in. Bottles and Pacifiers should be delayed until a healthy, happy, nursing relationship is established (Sears, WHO, babyfriendlyusa.org) .
Out of 30 developed countries surveyed by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, America was the 5th least likely country for an infant to be breastfed in. The top 3 countries, Norway, Finland and Sweden, have breastfeeding rates of nearly 100%. “The incidence of exclusive breastfeeding and its duration tends to be higher/longer in countries with long periods of maternity/parental leave,” (OECD) suggesting that returning to work is a major contributing factor to low breastfeeding rates. In other countries, there are laws and regulations on employers to allow mothers to pump. Many follow WHO’s Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, which suggests “Governments should enact imaginative legislation protecting the breastfeeding rights of working women and establishing means for its enforcement in accordance with international labour standards,” with the belief being that if women are more comfortable pumping at work and their employers allow it, they are more likely to continue breastfeeding after their return to work..
Breastfeeding rates in America are significantly lower than most developed countries, despite the fact that breastfeeding provides optimal health benefits to both mothers and infants. If America were to adopt WHO’s Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding rates would rise, but ultimately, the relationship needs to begin before birth. Breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed an infant, because so few Americans are doing it, America should adopt WHO and UNICEF’s Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative.
The Dangers behind Cry It Out
Parents are told by doctors, sleep training books, relatives and friends to leave their babies to cry, but neuroscience tells us that this can cause lifelong damage to children. The idea for allowing a child to cry it out comes from a misunderstanding that infants know how to manipulate us. Social and emotional development will not progress normally in infants who are routinely left to cry it out. If parents were to respond to their infants in a timely manner, social and emotional development would proceed on target.
Infants need to form an attachment, based on trust, with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to progress normally. An Infant learns to trust when they are responded to in a timely manner and with compassion. “The infant normally internalizes a neurobiological image of the behavioral and emotional characteristics of its caregiver that later regulates important features of its brain function” (Kraemer). Without that specific caregiver, the infant does not have one specific image to internalize. An infant needs a positive, compassionate caregiver to replicate in order to grow emotionally and socially.
Letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term, according to Darcia Narvaez, Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the Collaborative for Ethical Education at the University of Notre Dame. Infants who are routinely left to “cry it out” are more likely to be “anxious, uncooperative and alienated” and to grow up to be insecure (Narvaez). The emotional effects on an infant so young can dictate their emotional plain for the rest of their life.
By ignoring the needs of an infant, a caregiver is teaching the infant that it’s needs do not matter. This is going to alter the development of self esteem. The caregiver is also ignoring crucial cues. Infants give a variety of cues letting us know what they need. Infants show when they need to have a bowel movement, urinate, are too warm, too cold, or hungry in a variety of ways, each one being slightly different for each infant. If a caregiver is not looking for these cues or is ignoring these cues, they could be destroying or preventing a bond between infant and caregiver,
Infants need nurturing in order to thrive. Leaving an infant alone to cry is not nurturing. When a newborn infant is away from it’s mother, it gets distressed. When an infant is distressed, it releases the stress hormone cortisone which can damage and alter DNA as well as the neurons responsible for communication between receptors in the brain (Narvaez). In a study on rats, whose brains often react similar to humans, it was found that “If in the first 10 days of life you have low nurturing rat mother (the equivalent of the first 6 months of life in a human), the gene never gets turned on and the rat is anxious towards new situations for the rest of its life, unless drugs are administered to alleviate the anxiety. These researchers say that there are hundreds of genes affected by nurturance” (Narvaez). This study suggests that the way a caregiver treats an infant could alter, not only the infant’s DNA, but also, the DNA of the following generations and could predispose the entire family for anxiety or other emotional issues.
Infants do not cry to manipulate. They cry to communicate. At birth, infants use a variety of cues to communicate, from sounds meant to indicate hunger or movements meant to indicate the need to be held, but when these basic needs are not met, they will become increasingly agitated and will cry to indicate their distress, not to manipulate. Parents are told it is wrong to respond to their infant’s every need, but in the beginning, responding is crucial to forming a bond.
If a mother is the caregiver, her response is preprogrammed. Mother’s are biologically programmed to respond to their infant’s cries. “Upon hearing her baby cry, the blood flow to a mother’s breasts increases, accompanied by a biological urge to ‘pick up and nurse’. The act of breastfeeding itself causes a surge in prolactin , a hormone that we feel forms the biological basis of the term ‘mother’s intuition.’”, according to Dr. William Sears, the man behind the Attachment Parenting movement.
Having a bond or a secure attachment to an infant you are the sole caregiver of will have benefits for both the caregiver and the infant. Caregiver’s have lower levels of stress hormones suggesting that they are more relaxed and comfortable in their role (Dewar). Children who had secure attachments with a caregiver are more likely to score higher on intelligence tests later on (Dewar). Studies also suggest that children with secure attachments will score higher on “communication, cognitive engagement, and motivation to master new skills” later in life (Dewar).
When an infant is left alone to cry, whether in a crib or elsewhere, there are many dangers beyond emotional damage. Infants bones are not as strong as an adults and more likely to break if trapped in a crib rail, or pressed under them. Also, cribs can malfunction and harm a baby while the caregiver is ignoring the cries. The cry of pain is the same no matter what the cause, emotional or physical.
While ignoring an infant’s cry, a caregiver is conditioning themselves not to respond to the infant. This is creating a habit which can be hard to break (Narvaez). Studies suggest that establishing these habits within the first year would be the worst time as the majority of an infant’s brain is grown within that that time (Narvaez). It is during that time that the majority of damage can be done.
Infants are not brought into this world to inconvenience adults, they are here to be loved and nurtured until they grow up to be caregivers themselves. If a caregiver is patient and responsive to an infant, the infant will typically progress normally socially and emotionally. Any advice to the contrary will be damaging to a new caregiver. Social and emotional development will not progress normally in infants who are routinely left to cry it out.
Mothers, please remember, just because you have made a mistake, it is never too late to change your parenting philosophy!
Infants need to form an attachment, based on trust, with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to progress normally. An Infant learns to trust when they are responded to in a timely manner and with compassion. “The infant normally internalizes a neurobiological image of the behavioral and emotional characteristics of its caregiver that later regulates important features of its brain function” (Kraemer). Without that specific caregiver, the infant does not have one specific image to internalize. An infant needs a positive, compassionate caregiver to replicate in order to grow emotionally and socially.
Letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term, according to Darcia Narvaez, Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the Collaborative for Ethical Education at the University of Notre Dame. Infants who are routinely left to “cry it out” are more likely to be “anxious, uncooperative and alienated” and to grow up to be insecure (Narvaez). The emotional effects on an infant so young can dictate their emotional plain for the rest of their life.
By ignoring the needs of an infant, a caregiver is teaching the infant that it’s needs do not matter. This is going to alter the development of self esteem. The caregiver is also ignoring crucial cues. Infants give a variety of cues letting us know what they need. Infants show when they need to have a bowel movement, urinate, are too warm, too cold, or hungry in a variety of ways, each one being slightly different for each infant. If a caregiver is not looking for these cues or is ignoring these cues, they could be destroying or preventing a bond between infant and caregiver,
Infants need nurturing in order to thrive. Leaving an infant alone to cry is not nurturing. When a newborn infant is away from it’s mother, it gets distressed. When an infant is distressed, it releases the stress hormone cortisone which can damage and alter DNA as well as the neurons responsible for communication between receptors in the brain (Narvaez). In a study on rats, whose brains often react similar to humans, it was found that “If in the first 10 days of life you have low nurturing rat mother (the equivalent of the first 6 months of life in a human), the gene never gets turned on and the rat is anxious towards new situations for the rest of its life, unless drugs are administered to alleviate the anxiety. These researchers say that there are hundreds of genes affected by nurturance” (Narvaez). This study suggests that the way a caregiver treats an infant could alter, not only the infant’s DNA, but also, the DNA of the following generations and could predispose the entire family for anxiety or other emotional issues.
Infants do not cry to manipulate. They cry to communicate. At birth, infants use a variety of cues to communicate, from sounds meant to indicate hunger or movements meant to indicate the need to be held, but when these basic needs are not met, they will become increasingly agitated and will cry to indicate their distress, not to manipulate. Parents are told it is wrong to respond to their infant’s every need, but in the beginning, responding is crucial to forming a bond.
If a mother is the caregiver, her response is preprogrammed. Mother’s are biologically programmed to respond to their infant’s cries. “Upon hearing her baby cry, the blood flow to a mother’s breasts increases, accompanied by a biological urge to ‘pick up and nurse’. The act of breastfeeding itself causes a surge in prolactin , a hormone that we feel forms the biological basis of the term ‘mother’s intuition.’”, according to Dr. William Sears, the man behind the Attachment Parenting movement.
Having a bond or a secure attachment to an infant you are the sole caregiver of will have benefits for both the caregiver and the infant. Caregiver’s have lower levels of stress hormones suggesting that they are more relaxed and comfortable in their role (Dewar). Children who had secure attachments with a caregiver are more likely to score higher on intelligence tests later on (Dewar). Studies also suggest that children with secure attachments will score higher on “communication, cognitive engagement, and motivation to master new skills” later in life (Dewar).
When an infant is left alone to cry, whether in a crib or elsewhere, there are many dangers beyond emotional damage. Infants bones are not as strong as an adults and more likely to break if trapped in a crib rail, or pressed under them. Also, cribs can malfunction and harm a baby while the caregiver is ignoring the cries. The cry of pain is the same no matter what the cause, emotional or physical.
While ignoring an infant’s cry, a caregiver is conditioning themselves not to respond to the infant. This is creating a habit which can be hard to break (Narvaez). Studies suggest that establishing these habits within the first year would be the worst time as the majority of an infant’s brain is grown within that that time (Narvaez). It is during that time that the majority of damage can be done.
Infants are not brought into this world to inconvenience adults, they are here to be loved and nurtured until they grow up to be caregivers themselves. If a caregiver is patient and responsive to an infant, the infant will typically progress normally socially and emotionally. Any advice to the contrary will be damaging to a new caregiver. Social and emotional development will not progress normally in infants who are routinely left to cry it out.
Mothers, please remember, just because you have made a mistake, it is never too late to change your parenting philosophy!
Essay Post #1: How To Establish a Proper Latch
For my composition class, I was given several different types of essays to write. I chose to do them on topic I am passionate about: Breastfeeding, not letting a baby Cry It Out, more breastfeeding and the story of how I met my husband. I plan to share all of these essays in a series, starting tonight. I will be sharing them on Lactastic Mommies, my facebook, as well as Baby's Breastie and Badass Breastfeeders of NW Ohio. All wonderful pages devoted to supporting breastfeeding mothers. Here is the first essay.
When a woman is about to become a mother, she is given endless advice. Most women know that breast milk is best for babies, yet rarely are they told that breastfeeding is not always easy. Breastfeeding can be rewarding for both the mother and the baby, but getting a healthy latch can be difficult, these steps should guide a mother to a healthy latch.
When you are preparing to nurse your baby, first, you must get comfortable. It is a mother’s natural instinct to want to comfort her infant, but the letdown occurs only when a mother is relaxed. Nursing sessions can last thirty minutes or more and you don’t want to spend all of that time hunched into an uncomfortable position. Get yourself comfortable by propping your arms up with pillows, resting your feet on a nursing stool or trying multiple nursing positions.
Once you are in a comfortable position it is time to place the baby. You want to bring baby straight in towards you. His body should be coming in sideways so your stomach and his are facing each other. He should not have to turn his head to the side or arch his neck in order to get to the breast. At any age, it is harder to swallow with your head turned towards the side versus having your head straight.
Get baby into a comfortable position. Babies love to be close to their mothers and nursing is the perfect time to incorporate their need to snuggle. Pull baby close and wrap his around you and support his with your arm that will not be supporting the breast you intend to offer. If baby is flailing, try swaddling or resting your hand or thumb on top of any arms that are getting in the way.
Once everyone is comfortable, it is time to present your breast to your baby. Cup your breast in your palm and place your thumb past your areola to form a sandwich. This should project your nipple forward. Baby needs to take the majority of the areola into his mouth. To stimulate baby to open his mouth, use your nipple to tap him on his lower lip or chin. If he is stubborn, it may be necessary to squeeze your hand and thumb together and express a drop or two of milk or colostrum onto your nipple or finger and rub it along his lips.
When baby has opened his mouth, aim your nipple for the center of his palate and pull your infant to you, not your breast towards your infant. You want to make sure you are aiming upwards towards the roof of his mouth. Your baby’s gums should be past the nipple and taking in as much of the areola as it takes in order for your nipple to be pressing against his palate. Your milk reservoirs are in the areola, not the nipple. The areola needs to be stimulated.
To make sure your latch is sufficient, examine baby’s lips. Are they both folded outwards rather than in? If not, remove your breast by inserting a finger to break the suction, and then try the latch again. Your latch should not be painful. In the beginning, you may feel a burning sensation as baby sucks, but it should be in the center of the nipple, never around the areola.
These steps should help a mother establish a healthy latch which is the most important part of nursing. There are many medical cases that can hinder breastfeeding, but a bad latch should not be one of those reasons. Breastfed babies receive over four hundred ingredients from breast milk that cannot be found in formula. They have higher immunities, closer bonds with their mothers and a healthier digestive system. Breastfeeding can help a mother lose weight, lowers her risk for multiple medical conditions and helps the body repair itself from pregnancy. Every woman deserves the opportunity to nurse her child and every child deserves the chance to nurse from her mother, hopefully, with these steps, they will have a positive breastfeeding experience.
Thank you for reading and Happy Breastfeeding Week! I hope all of you are meeting up for a Big Latch On Event!
When a woman is about to become a mother, she is given endless advice. Most women know that breast milk is best for babies, yet rarely are they told that breastfeeding is not always easy. Breastfeeding can be rewarding for both the mother and the baby, but getting a healthy latch can be difficult, these steps should guide a mother to a healthy latch.
When you are preparing to nurse your baby, first, you must get comfortable. It is a mother’s natural instinct to want to comfort her infant, but the letdown occurs only when a mother is relaxed. Nursing sessions can last thirty minutes or more and you don’t want to spend all of that time hunched into an uncomfortable position. Get yourself comfortable by propping your arms up with pillows, resting your feet on a nursing stool or trying multiple nursing positions.
Once you are in a comfortable position it is time to place the baby. You want to bring baby straight in towards you. His body should be coming in sideways so your stomach and his are facing each other. He should not have to turn his head to the side or arch his neck in order to get to the breast. At any age, it is harder to swallow with your head turned towards the side versus having your head straight.
Get baby into a comfortable position. Babies love to be close to their mothers and nursing is the perfect time to incorporate their need to snuggle. Pull baby close and wrap his around you and support his with your arm that will not be supporting the breast you intend to offer. If baby is flailing, try swaddling or resting your hand or thumb on top of any arms that are getting in the way.
Once everyone is comfortable, it is time to present your breast to your baby. Cup your breast in your palm and place your thumb past your areola to form a sandwich. This should project your nipple forward. Baby needs to take the majority of the areola into his mouth. To stimulate baby to open his mouth, use your nipple to tap him on his lower lip or chin. If he is stubborn, it may be necessary to squeeze your hand and thumb together and express a drop or two of milk or colostrum onto your nipple or finger and rub it along his lips.
When baby has opened his mouth, aim your nipple for the center of his palate and pull your infant to you, not your breast towards your infant. You want to make sure you are aiming upwards towards the roof of his mouth. Your baby’s gums should be past the nipple and taking in as much of the areola as it takes in order for your nipple to be pressing against his palate. Your milk reservoirs are in the areola, not the nipple. The areola needs to be stimulated.
To make sure your latch is sufficient, examine baby’s lips. Are they both folded outwards rather than in? If not, remove your breast by inserting a finger to break the suction, and then try the latch again. Your latch should not be painful. In the beginning, you may feel a burning sensation as baby sucks, but it should be in the center of the nipple, never around the areola.
These steps should help a mother establish a healthy latch which is the most important part of nursing. There are many medical cases that can hinder breastfeeding, but a bad latch should not be one of those reasons. Breastfed babies receive over four hundred ingredients from breast milk that cannot be found in formula. They have higher immunities, closer bonds with their mothers and a healthier digestive system. Breastfeeding can help a mother lose weight, lowers her risk for multiple medical conditions and helps the body repair itself from pregnancy. Every woman deserves the opportunity to nurse her child and every child deserves the chance to nurse from her mother, hopefully, with these steps, they will have a positive breastfeeding experience.
Thank you for reading and Happy Breastfeeding Week! I hope all of you are meeting up for a Big Latch On Event!
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