12w4d

I am technically only 12w3d but dammit, I have an hour!

I promise I will scan our next Ultrasound picture.

I have been gone for awhile due to exhaustion and timing and just enjoying this gift.

I had very easy to control morning sickness until about 9 weeks when BAM! I lost control. It was a rough 18 days of vomit. But I have felt better since. I caught te flu. The doctor told me I could throw everything up for 12 hours but after that, I had best get my butt to the ER. So, just an hour shy of 12 hours, I ate 2 bites of Gee's bagel, had 2 sips of water and went to bed. TADA! I survived and woke up to eat a whole bagel and then 2 hours later a pizza. I made half an extra large pizza last 8 hours because more than 1 piece at a time will KILL my stomach.

I finally realized how to poop. It comes like clock work. Three small pebbles every hour for 3 hours. Apparently that is fine. I had been nervous about showing my ultrasound picture to people because I am convinced you can tell how full of shit I am in it. I only know what the uterus is and what the baby is in it (It was taken at like 10 weeks 4 days) and all that other stuff could be poop as far as I know.

Either way, tomorrow my MIL is getting a framed picture of it for her birthday. And for 's Mother's Day the two Great Grandmother's, and Two Grandmother's are getting framed pictures of the Ultrasound we will be getting Monday.

Yay!

I no longer think I am having a boy. I think I am having a stroller. I dream about my stroller. It is the only thing I can for sure picture in my head. I see a mass of blankets inside of it and that is it. And bitches better stop stealing my stroller in my dreams because I wake up in a panic.

My dream last night was awful. My MIL (in my dream) bought us a wicker pink and white bassinet. It was beautiful. Then she died. My MIL. We were comforting my FIL when suddenly he decided he needed money and wanted to pawn my bassinet. So Gee and I chased him trying to stop him but Gee ended up being too afraid to stand up to his father about it. Then Gee woke me up and when I shared this dream he asked me to never share it again. AKA do not tell anyone how much of a jerk his father is. Because his dad really would do that if a bassinet were worth pawning.

We have done nothing. The plan was that by this weekend the house would be cleaned and organized and the nursery would be empty of everything besides a crib. The nursery is packed full of things that need to be organized and stored in the attic or given away or sold at a garage sale. The house is at it's worst ever. Doing dishes has made me throw up at least 12 times and I have finally given up. Gee sucks at dishes and is just refusing. So, I am trying to find a good time to pay my mother to do it for me. I did clean and organize the living room Thursday after I recovered from my flu. I also have managed to keep up with the bathroom. Today I cleaned off the dining room table and maybe tomorrow I will organized everything else in the dining room. That is probably as far as I will get this weekend.

We have not bought the crib. It was meant to be the 12 week gift to ourselves but we failed. We still have some fears.

Speaking of. After this long of trying and so many losses, I am allowed to be the crazy pregnant woman who obsesses over every twinge, every feeling, every symptom. I am allowed to continue to check for blood everytime I pee. I am allowed to lay in bed for hours just trying to imagine the "What ifs". Recently some of my friends decided that I am not. Okay, just 2 people who have never had a loss. One got pregnant on accident, one got pregnant on accident once and then tried for 8 months for number 2. For 4 of those months her husband wasn't even sure he wanted another child at the time. So, when I finally got pregnant, we talked. At first number 1 was complaining about how she wanted to be induced from the time she was 34 weeks. Friend number 2 was bitching about her pregnancy before I even got pregnant. Bitching to an infertile! It is a crime. But apparently I commited a cardinal sin.

I am sorry I am a crazy pregnant woman. Switch me places and let's see how you feel.



Everything else is dandy. I promise I will update Monday or Tuesday after the ultrasound.


Bobi

Nervous

what, if anything, do you know about mthfr polymorphism? my phone will not let me capitalize too much so this wont be the best blog post ever. but im worried and sharing . my cousin has mthfr and it caused her to clot at 11 weeks and lose her baby. when i told the nurse that it was in my family history (just the one cousin though) she turned white as a sheet and explained it a little bit. if i were to have it i would never relax. id be on bed rest blood thinners, etc. and have a chortened life span.

silly to worry about stuff that chances are, i dont have. but i do. its my job. i cant find anything on dr. google. so share any knowledge you have.

as for me, i got to see the monster today. baby fishy monster was doing some cartwheels and his heart was going a mile a minute. it was just a nurses visit so i didnt expect to see him, but when she heard we had a family history of twins, she pulled out an ultrasound maachine from the 90's and check him out. we just got one picture and since she couldnt zoom in its not very good, but since he was so little, he almost looked like a starfish. a cute one! anywho every 5 seconds my phone is now popping up with an alert about losing the page data and i dont want to retype this so i think i better post quick.

hopefully all remains well. only 29 weeks and 1 day left!

Friday Night Leftovers the Oh! Yeah! Hi! Edition

Sorry. It has been a long time. I apologize. I have been commenting and leaving little tidbits there. So, you all should know I am alive.

I guess my radio silence started after a friend, lets call her Klee, had the idea to start a blog. I gave her the links to a few friends, including Jen. Jen had just suffered a loss and is always such a great blogger that I thought she would be one of the top 3 blogs to recommend.

I did not realize that Klee's friend Carol was 9 months pregnant, had no life, and was a stalker of sorts. By reading the comments on Jen's loss and the story I told to try and distract her while she waited for Luke, Carol and Klee found me. I had stressed just how much I did not want to be found. I have let my sister, and my friend Katie read this blog. That is it. Not even Gee.

This is my one place to be free. To say what I want. To shout from the mountain. I like it private. I like it safe. I like to know that I can say "So and so cheated on their pregnant girlfriend." and no one will know who I am talking about!

If BBBB ever came accross this blog, she would either A) Kill herself B) Sue me C) Apologize. I only like one of those options and it is the least likely. I like things private. Klee and Carol are also on my facebook discussing pregnancy every day. They discuss it with people who I discuss on here all the time. Hell, I am pretty damn sure I have bitched about both Klee and Carol on here many times. But that is why THIS IS MY SPACE!

So, I had debated on going to invite only. But I like new people coming in. Then I find their blogs and read them, and I feel more of a member of the community. I debated on switching to a different blog and just shooting an email out to a few people telling them where to go. But if Carol ever gets bored again (her newborn apparently is a great sleeper), I will have the same issue.

My mind has been over stressed, over anxious, over worked, just thinking about how much I wanted to blog. But these two people ruined it for me. They ruined the one free place I had. Something all my own.

I will not stand for it. So until I come up with a better option, I will continue blogging, and if Carol and Klee read, that is fine, but I will never discuss my blog with them. If they comment, I will not answer. In RL if they mention it, I will probably snap, and then refuse to answer. This is my private space.

Oh, and if either one of them piss me off to the point where I have to tell someone, Yep, you guessed it, I will come here. And I will say what I want. They crossed a boundary that I had clearly set, and if they get hurt, I can honestly say, I will not feel bad.

Now on to

LEFTOVERS!

• I am actually farther along than they believed. My period started on 2-7-11 but I ovulated on 2-14 to 2-17. Ultrasound will determine just how far, but I am guessing 9wk6d.


• I felt "quickening" and nearly shit my pants. I never expected that. It has nly happened twice and only when I am laying on my stomach.


• Went to the midwife. Gee freaked out. He can't handle the idea of no hospital, no Doctor, etc. So, we compromised. I will be going to a group. One OB (my first male ob) who works with 4 or 5 midwives. The midwives do everything, but the OB is there for emergencies and such. I will be giving birth ina hospital. Only one in our area offers waterbirth and these midwives highly recommend it. First appointment on the 18th!


• I want to take Bradley Method birthing classes. Gee doesn't understand this.


• I love my job.


• Gee is holding a lot of reservations and is afraid of this pregnancy. He has only mentioned it once without a prompt.


• Gee also does not believe in cravings, hormones or eating to avoid morning sickness. Bitch ate my roll. I had big plans for that roll. Had to eat peanut butter toast with no milk and it made me throw up! Too dry!


• Spent $60 in 3 days just to satisfy cravings. Never again.


• Can't poop.

Anywho, go check out Danifred who I am sure can poop.

Bobi

Friday Night Leftovers

Okay I will make this short and sweet.

• My boss quit. I may end up with head teacher position.


• Almost told my boss "I am pregnant! I can't lift 20 toddlers weights 20-40 lbs 60 times in 5 minutes!" Luckily I did not. Well, she quit about an hour later any way.


• According to Gee it is okay for me to drink pepsi because "You're only like a week and half pregnant anyway"


• bite me bitch. I now officially have a makeshift placenta and a beating heart.


• Yes, that is going into the pregnancy journal.


• If he keeps this up, his child will hate him. "He is only like 3 years old." "Dad, I am in 6th grade!"


• Karma is a bitch. When I spent a weekend throwing up everything, all my pregnant friends said "It gets better." Which hey, better ot not, it is worth it. But now, those bitches are paying. Two of them are surviving on water and vitamins. And one is so sick she has not had sex in a month.


• I am a sex addict. Okay, maybe not, but if I could, I would do it every single day. We are being cautious and probably stupid, and only having sex once a week. Which means, all my weird pregnancy dreams seem to involve sex.


• Example: Gee and I are having sex and right as the big O comes, he pulled away and screamed. Then I yelled at him, and he held up a hand of our baby and said "It is out!" I woke up instantly and stripped the bed looking for our baby who apparently Gee left under the covers to die of SIDS! It took a full minute for me to realize that I have the baby. At all times.


• Pretty convinced I am farther along than I thought. Not sure how. Early ovulation? Just strange.

Thanks for visiting. I am boring and in a hurry to sleep. Sorry about that. It is kind of my thing.

Hopefully Danifred has something more interesting to discuss, even though she is on a visit to see family.

Bobi

WHOA! Jen, you and your family are in my prayers. I will pray for your little angel. I am so sorry. I always think that 12 weeks is some magic number. This reminds me that life after 12 weeks (which I have never experienced) is not always smooth sailing. Jen, Bless you for your strength.

Goodness! I need to post more. I am soooo sorry. I promise, I will update atleast once a week. Cross my Heart.

I drink 200 ounces of water a day, that is just water, I also drink milk, and sprite throughout my day. I pee every 2 hours. I seriously cannot survive without a bottle of water.

Gee is a butt. Seriously, I understand he does not want to get his hopes up, but pick up a book! I am not lying when I say that I cant make dinner because the raw meat will make me hurl. I am not lying when I say that I will cut you if you eat my breakfast again.

Last night I sat my breakfast (rolls from texas roadhouse) in the microwave. I planned to eat 1 roll and toss in a breakfast link and walk out the door at 720 am. Instead, at 716 my husband says he ate my roll and all the breakfast links, and I start to panic. I have about 20 minutes before the hurling will begin if I do not get something besides water and tums into my stomach. So, I drive to the gas station (going 50 in a 35 so I wont be late) and get some stupid peanut butter crackers, and eat them on my way to work. Then I realize one of my toddlers has a peanut butter allergy. And I have it on my hands and I cant get it out of my mouth. So, I have to waste an entire bottle of water gargling, chew a nasty old piece of gum, and scrub my hands, all before I can go into my room. Now do you see why I am going to cut him?

So when I explained why breakfast is so important, he said "The baby doesnt know if you dont eat! You'll be fine."

IT IS NOT TH BABY! IT IS THE HORMONES THE BABY IS CAUSING DIPWAD!

Essentially I have solved all morning sickness issues. I drink a bottle of water when I get up as I swallow 2 tums. Then I get ready and eat my breakfast as I walk out the door. When I get to work, within an hour it is snack time, so I snack. Then I eat lunch at work. It is healthy toddler food, so I get alot of fruit and veggies. Then 2 hours later it is snack again, so I snack. This small toddler portion every 2 hours or so works great! Then I work 4 hours, and the moment I get to my car, I snack on something else. Then I come home, eat something quick, easy and not involving raw meat, and I go to bed.

This weekend was a test. There is not enough food in my house that does not involve raw meat. So, I ate taco bell and a mcdonalds milkshake. This goes against all my eating principles. But it was good. Sometimes you have to eat some crap in order to survive right?

We are having all kinds of drama with insurance. I think it has been settled, I will be going on Gee's insurance. I just hope I can get enrolled in time for my doctor's appointment. Also, thyroid issues, the last time I actually made it to a doctor before I miscarried, I was told to stop my thyroid medication because I was producing enough during pregnancy. Well, I hope it is the same this time because I kind of slacked and forgot to order my thyroid pills before my insurance ran out. And since I am due to see my doctor again, I can't get him to order me any until he sees me. And he can't see me until June. Even after I told him I am pregnant. So, I looked in my pregnancy book and it said I should take them, but that undiagnosed hypothyroidism has been linked to lower IQ scores but no studies have been sure if that was the exact cause. SO? Am I okay? I figure, Gee has a very mild aspergers, so his IQ is out of this world, but his social skills suck. I have a slightly above average IQ but my social skills annoy the crap out of Gee (aka theyre fine) so I am fine right? I promise I will drink some OJ right now (even though I currently detest OJ) and make sure I pop some DHA. Worse comes to Worst, my obgyn will come up with a solution and everything will be fine. (I am putting myself in a total bubble here and not stressing about anything can you tell?)

Also, all my toddlies (as I mentally call them) are sick. The cough almost sounds like croup and theyre taking turns running a 101ish fever. I sent a few home today. After they coughed, sneezed, and sweat all over me with their little sad sicky poo faces! (I am a sucker for a sick crabby child. I held a 32 pounder for an hour just so she could nap until her mother got there.)

Anywho, I should eat something.

OH! Congratulations SARAH!

And Jen!



Bobi

A Time Line, A Name, An Explanation.

On Thursday, I had a feeling. I felt like my hips were being yanked in opposite directions. I made Gee push on them, but it did not work. On Friday at exactly 7:24 am I ran for the bathroom and met my pizza again.
Then I got sick at the doctor's. Then I vomited on my sidewalk while ALL my neighbors watched. Okay only 3.
Then Saturday I felt rather sick but I did not throw up.
Sunday I went to family dinner at my mom's. I knew I would throw it up, so I ate and ate and ate knowing that these calories would not count. (It tasted really good) Then Monday I went to the school ready for my first day of teaching, and luckily they just had me do paperwork and wanted me back Tuesday to work 8-6. I say luckily because on my way home, I had to pull over on the side of a busy road so I could spew my guts.
I went to sleep for a bit and felt better. When I woke up, I spoke to a few friends about how sick I have been and was told "TAKE A TEST"! So I got my groggy self out of bed and went to the dollar store close by (I was too sick to drive the 20 minutes to the nearest real store.) and bought an off brand cheap test. Well, two.
I got home and started to prepare myself for a big let down. All of my friends on facebook had heard how sick I was by this point and everyone was demanding to be told. I said "Gee has to work tomorrow night and will already be asleep when I wake up to test, so if by some miracle it is positive, I will not wake him, and I will tell everyone when I am ready." I went to bed.

I woke up an hour early with a wave of nausea. I ran! I made it! Then I grabbed a test and sat down. I swear, before I even sat the test down it was positive. I leaned all the way down to the ground (while still sitting on the toilet) and looked, and it got brighter and brighter and bigger and bigger (okay maybe only in my head) and the world got smaller and smaller, and the heavens cried! Then I ran, with pee running down my leg, to Gee, woke him up and hugged him and shouted "You're gonna be a dad!". He said "Thanks. Goodnight" and went back to sleep.

So, I needed someone to tell! So, I text my baby sister (One of the people who had wanted to know) and said "You're going to be an Aunty. But do not tell anyone for a bit." Then I called my mom at work. She was in shock. The only times I have called her at work is when someone has died. So her response was "Better get that insurance situation worked out. Love you. Congratulations."

By the Time i got off the phone with her, my sister had text back and said "omg how? really? can i babysit? am i gonna get paid? i hope its a girl. Can I do her hair?" Typical 14 year old response. All I said was "YES!"
Then I text my step dad. He said "Told you there was a good reason you threw up my steak! Congratulations. Hug Gee for me."
I started to shake. This was happening again. I was going to lose it and end up in bed crying for a week. So, I started to replay the last time in my head. I began to prepare. Then IT hit me.

This WAVE of optimism. IT will not fail. I do not know why I believe this so much, but I do. My mom and Gee have tried to talk me down, to rationalize the situation. But I am untouchable.

I WILL get my BABY!

So, on Facebook, as my status I said "Yes!" and went to work my first day as a daycare teacher.

When I went to lunch, I had 36 comments of "CONGRATULATIONS" and the like. I am not sure how these wonderful friends figured it out but dammit, they ALL did.

So, no secrets here. Everyone knows and I am at my 2nd belly pat already.

Now for the name, Gee was showering and I explained blastocyst and embryo and tadpole, fruit and fetus. Then he went to tadpole. And I said "Can we not go into detail on FISH right now? I will throw up." and he named our baby. "Baby Fishy Monster." He will soon look like a tadpole, and he is a monster making me throw up and my cysts burst. (A monster in the most wonderful "Monster's Inc" sort of way) And I am convinced he is a he. If not, I feel awful calling a girl "Baby Fishy Monster".

Anywho, my back, boobs, pelvis and head hurt. I have enough time before work for a nap and a puke.

Bobi

Why Herbal is Better

I have been taking Dong Quoi, Evening Primrose Oil and Black Cohosh. What did they get me? Cramps, vomiting, headaches, etc. Why?



Prayers welcome.

Bobi