BFN

I worked second shift today. So, knowing i was planning to test, i slept till noon. Then, at 12:06, my friend Lee text me and said her test was negative. So, i rolled out of bed and decided to POAS. I did, then got myself a drink and brushed my teeth, all while not looking at the silly thing. And, yep. Negative.

I know I'm just beginning, but come on! Now i am going to break away from just the feeling i get when i ovulate, i bought tests. I also plan to take mucinex from day 5 of my cycle until 2 days after i ovulate. Maybe ill even try some preseed.

During my next ovulation i will be at a fabulous hotel and suites reliving my honeymoon. Yes, this month means 1 year of marriage. (Yes, we knew of my pcos before marriage and tried then)

The room, actually 2 rooms, is one nice bedroom with a jacuzzi big enough for 2, a shower the size of most hotel bathrooms, and a water closet. Not to mention a king size bed with a down comforter to die for. Then, off to the size you have some sliding glass doors leading to the second room, a 85 degree pool that's about 10x20. Just for us.

Sounds like the perfect time to conceive a little one. (Yep hopes are already up) Then, when i will get the results back, will be the 4 year anniversary of our first date. What a great time to tell my husband.

On the negative side, no pun intended, i will probably call the doctor on monday to get something to bring on my period. Hopefully it will work fast so i can ovulate during my anniversary.

Test Day!

Tomorrow is test day number two, clomid wise. I have a close friend, Lee we will call her, who has a 21 month old son, A. Lee and i are on the same cycle. Exact same day for everything, and she is also trying. Her son, A, was an accident, but totally wanted. So, she is not infertile. Since we are on the same cycle we are testing the same day, and sharing our 2ww together. Plus planning our timed sex together. We are dorks.

Tomorrow is our test day, we will pee, and text each other. We are so excited and hopeful. But, i have no signs besides more cervical mucus. And a BBT of 98.86. Which is nowhere near period. Yes, i know clomid can mess that stuff up, but i still like to check it, and its been pretty normal.

But, now i have this fear, what if she is...and im not? How crappy will i feel. It is horrible for an infertile woman (anyone who has tried for a year and not succeeded is considered infertile) to compare herself to a fertile woman. We just arent the same. Will i cry, will i be jelous. Afterall, she already has one, and ive got nothin besides miscarriages to show for my hard work. But, i would love to be happy for her.

Also, another friend, we will call her Amy, just shared her news. She is my ex coworker and best friend. She is just coming out of a woman-woman relationship. They had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a few months. Then, they broke up at the start of the month. Amy, gets her period the day after me. So similar cycles. She took a test yesterday, and when she didnt see a second line after a minute, when she saw the first, she threw it away. I told her to recheck it last night. She did. YUP! It is positive. So, just to be safe she retook this morning and yep, its negative for the first 2 minutes and then at 3 minutes its positive. The test said 2 minutes. So, while she is still unsure, im pretty sure she is pregnant.

The moment she stopped trying, she gets pregnant. Isnt that how this stuff works. For fertile women anyway. For me, thats just not gonna happen.

Dispite all of this praying and hoping, i just dont think i am. You see, i cheated, i took a test an hour ago. Yes, it is diluted pee since ive been up all day, and yes it is the day before my period is even due. But if Amy can get a positive so soon, i want one too! I am going to try again in the morning but, i will try. I have my hopes up and down, i think it will be a BFN but i am sooooo sure it be a BFP. Wishful thinking.

Bobi

Wishing Myself Luck

So, i have a new job. I like it. I am making next to nothing but, its a job, so ill take it. Better yet, its a job that i kind of like. It is also kind of fun learning new things. This is a job i have never done before and i like learning new tasks.
As for the baby department. I ovulated the night of may 14th until the morning of may 15th, and i had sex at 4 pm on May 14th. So, im hoping. If it didnt work, i may know another cause, my cervical mucus. I have like none! Although i did pop a mucinex on the 15th to hopefully get some, and it did work a little. But, if im not pregnant this month, i might just call my OB and see if their is something she recommends. Also, thinking about Primrose oil. I want to be a waterfall of cervical mucus, of non hostile cervical mucus. Wish me luck on that lol.
I did my hair, and its cute and bouncy. Think Bree from Desperate Housewives. Back in the beginning of the show, very flipped out at the ends, and neat. I feel like a Barbie. I also look like i belong on "toddlers and tiara's" <---worst show ever. But, my hair is cute and flippy an bouncy and im loving it and so is Gee.
Wishing i could find something to instantly make A, my bulldog, not aggressive. He seems to think that he only has to behave when it is just Gee and I. So, he attacks people because he gets too excited, easily overstimulated. And he gets like that when its another dog, like M, our pitbull/boxer mix. If too much is happening and he cant figure it out, he just goes after the easiest prey for him. And i dont know what to do. We are working with a great trainer though, so maybe we can make some headway.
Also, im quitting. No more cigarettes after may 25th. I dont want to be someone who stupidly smokes during pregnancy, or who runs outside to smoke when her child naps. I want to be smoke free. So, in 6 days, im done. So far today, ive smoked 3 cigarettes. Not half bad.
Wish me luck!

Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day to moms everywhere.
To the women who are expecting, the women who are waiting to find out, the women who are praying it comes about, to the women who are chasing their children, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Everyone woman is in some way a mom. A mom to the classroom she teaches in, to the dog, to the cat, to her husband, to her car, every woman mothers something or someone. So, Happy Mother's day self, and good job bathing both pups today. They smell nice, hopefully M's dry skin clears up now that we moisturized her to the point of greasiness.
Bobi

Silly musings of a non-pregnant woman

I finally got some news from the doctor a few days ago. Not pregnant. Possibly going to have to jump start AF* next month if I’m not pregnant then. (We had been told possible miscarriage, or possible pregnancy about to miscarry and it was neither) So, bring on the excitement. Another 5 days of taking clomid. Very dizzy this time from pill 1! It might not help that I am wearing my glasses. (A friend explained some nastiness about wearing your contacts as much as I do, and I’m afraid to wear them 90% of the time now, thanks CC) Also, I’m not being as "good" this time.

Last time I ate dinner (always veggies in there and fruit for dessert) and then relaxed and drank 8 ounces of water over the course of about half an hour. And then for the next hour drank 8 ounces of orange juice (blech! nasty) and swallowed the pills. Now, it's eat crappy dinner, drink tea, and swallow pills. Also have some depression. I think that’s normal since, um DUH! I got my freakin hopes up.
I am going to try to drink some orange juice now and see if I can get back in the swing of things, doubtful. Also, got a job. Not as excited as I had expected, thinking that might be the depression thing.
Looked at some of my infertile blogs that I have come to love so much in the last month, and found some disturbing news. According to what I have read here is what will happen.
Try clomid 50 mg for 3 months
Try inducing AF if it is needed.
Try clomid 100mg with metformin
Try clomid 150mg with other fertility drug/possibly metformin
Then the scary stuff. IVF/IUI plus shots.
Scary shots that Gee or I would have to shove in my butt.
Probably myself because I hate needles and it'd be easier to do it myself than let the guy who pinches my ass and goes "quack" (attacked by a duck at age 3) just to see me run, do the needle holding.
I am also going to try and let Gee drive me somewhere. Seriously it’s been like 2 years and I should over my passenger phobia, at least with my husband, and I rode with my mom without killing her today so I’m overconfident.


*I am now starting to use infertile blog abbreviations. AF=aunt flo
Gee=hubbyand soon to come BFN=big fat (fucking) negative loving the AF and BFN

Bobi

To Test or Not to Test

So, I took the Clomid on March 27 for 5 days. On April 7-12 I was a baby makin factory. I ovulated around the 11th; yes I can tell when I do.

I got ahead of myself and on April 20th took a test because I felt nauseated. And extremely sleepy. NEGATIVE! So, I felt sad for a minute and realized I’m not due until the 23rd or 24th so I was not totally disappointed. I felt sick almost every night at 9 pm for the next few days. I went to my mothers, and noticed some spotting. I was ready to cry, in fact I did cry on my way home. No baby.

Then I realized how silly I was being, I can try for the rest of my life, no need to get discouraged. And then, hope came, I realized it could have been implantation bleeding, that it was the perfect time for it. I started to get excited. But I told myself no! I will not take a test until the 28th.

So, today is the 28th and I simply cannot take a test. If it is negative I will lose my freakin mind. But, I am several days late and no sign of a period besides a slight twinge when I had the spotting, so maybe I should? But if it’s negative I will freakin shoot myself. Don’t own a gun at the moment but I’ll get one. What is it a 72 hour waiting period? I could do it! (I am seriously just kidding no one get excited) The positive to all this is that I’ve discovered some great infertile blogs. Like "No oven for the bun" and "The young and the infertile" <---personal favorite, I love the way she writes. But nonetheless these women have been trying longer and harder than I have and are older than me. I’m still a young whipper snapper; it’s supposed to be an accident when I get pregnant! Why does it have to be so hard for me? George and I have tried off and on since November 2008, and I haven’t used birth control or a condom since. Something should’ve happened by now! What did is so difficult about getting pregnant? People do it daily, hell; people get pregnant from precum dammit!

Maybe I’ll just take the test and end my misery, we’ll wait, if I don’t believe that I’m not pregnant now, what makes me think I’ll believe it after I take that test? And if I do get pregnant will I be too afraid to celebrate it? Seriously, this is harder than it looks.


Bobi

Operation Baby 2010-The Beginning

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Meaning I have a male hormone (androgen) in my ovaries, I also have Endometriosis. The Endometriosis I have known about since I was 12, but the PCOS was hinted at when I was 18 but not diagnosed until now. Both can cause women not to get pregnant. My doctor recommended Clomid. Clomid is a drug that (from day 3-7 of your cycle for me) increases egg count so you can hopefully conceive a small child.

All of this is nothing compared to most infertiles. We have been trying ourselves since November 2008. We did it the natural way at first. Then I started using a basal body thermometer. Learned how to chart. By March money was tight but I was hoping I was pregnant. I mean, the charting said I was doing it right.
Nope. Not havin a baybay!

So then April and May I thought I was pregnant. NOPE. Then June, I was getting married, and it would be so me-like to get pregnant now. Seriously! Period at the start of May and nothing by June 12, the day before my wedding, so I bought a test. How cool would it be tell my husband, on our wedding day, that we are pregnant? So cool!
BIG FAT NEGATIVE!
So still no period on honeymoon, so on June 27, I bought a test, took it, and while I waited, I wiped. PERIOD!

We have had many more moments like this. I have had 4 miscarriages. Two were accidents. But would have been wanted and loved like no other.
We are proud parents of some furry children. Once I created some nicknames for them I will share.
Husband=Gee
I do have that much for now.


Bobi