I was reading Sarah's older blog posts* when I remembered I had sent out my resume to a few places on Friday and I needed to see if anyone had replied. Then WHAMMO! I had a response. For an interview. For 3 times my current salary? For entry level no experience? WHAT? This has to be a scam. So, I googled the company, read amazing things, checked with their clients, found out they were real, facebook searched the head of HR, she is real and really works for this company, so it can't be a scam right?
So, I am doing my first ever online interview tomorrow at 10 pm. Odd I know. Am I sure this isn't a scam? I think soo......
Then I went back to Sarah's blog, and OH EM GEE! I realized I had forgotten to wake Gee for work! I ran to our room, woke him up (he works 3rds just in case I have not mentioned) and he informed me that he has tonight off. Saved!
Bobi
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Sunday, January 30, 2011
HELP WANTED!
And needed.
So, Wednesday will be 7 weeks since the miscarriage. I still have not bled. A friend of mine (old boss who is now pregnant!*) had an extra test. She took a test on my birthday and it was positive at like 11 at night after eating and drinking all day. I informed her that I would rather wait, but I hadn't peed all day, so I said what the hell.
BFN
But I am not taking it too serious. But I am also not getting my hopes up. Plus, from what the wise interwebs have told me, my uterine lining will be thinner since the miscarriage and it can take several cycles to get back to normal.
If I have not bled, Friday morning I am making Gee bring home a test for me to urinate on. I find myself urinating on a lot of sticks these days.
On a lighter note, my employee who bleeds every 28 days, and for 3 or 4 days each time, (she says she always starts after 1 pm but before 8 pm, how ODD?) had a condom break. She said she has been a wreck all weekend over it. But I am a smart cookie so I set off to do some math. If your first day of your last period was the 10th, and you had sex on the 28th, you are not pregnant. I know this because, I am a SMART COOKIE!
Oh, and BBBB will not be sued. Just because PregnantEmployee is doing her stna classes anyway, and is out of there after her maternity leave anyway. (She worked 72 hours last week and has realized why I hate my job. I love her now) (and no I didn't schedule her for that, she picked up 30 hours. I am not that mean)
*Old Boss became pregnant thanks to Doctor WONDERFUL! I am looking into him. He had a consultation with her in November, and looked at the blood work her old OBGYN ordered, and said "This test, this test, this test, and this test, are useless." She still had them done, and went back to her old OBGYN and they said "Everything is fine, you need IUI" So, they provided her with no reason for her miscarriage but said she needed IUI. She wanted a second opinion so she had ANOTHER FREE consultation with Dr. WONDERFUL and he informed her that her B6 is very low, that she has a chromosomal abnormality causing that, and that she does not need IUI as of yet. She took some vitamins and minerals, and BAM! She is pregnant within 3 weeks! They check her progesterone, she needed some. She has taken some. She is 9 weeks. FARTHER THAN SHE HAS EVER MADE IT! Very proud of her. And Dr. Wonderful!
Bobi
So, Wednesday will be 7 weeks since the miscarriage. I still have not bled. A friend of mine (old boss who is now pregnant!*) had an extra test. She took a test on my birthday and it was positive at like 11 at night after eating and drinking all day. I informed her that I would rather wait, but I hadn't peed all day, so I said what the hell.
BFN
But I am not taking it too serious. But I am also not getting my hopes up. Plus, from what the wise interwebs have told me, my uterine lining will be thinner since the miscarriage and it can take several cycles to get back to normal.
If I have not bled, Friday morning I am making Gee bring home a test for me to urinate on. I find myself urinating on a lot of sticks these days.
On a lighter note, my employee who bleeds every 28 days, and for 3 or 4 days each time, (she says she always starts after 1 pm but before 8 pm, how ODD?) had a condom break. She said she has been a wreck all weekend over it. But I am a smart cookie so I set off to do some math. If your first day of your last period was the 10th, and you had sex on the 28th, you are not pregnant. I know this because, I am a SMART COOKIE!
Oh, and BBBB will not be sued. Just because PregnantEmployee is doing her stna classes anyway, and is out of there after her maternity leave anyway. (She worked 72 hours last week and has realized why I hate my job. I love her now) (and no I didn't schedule her for that, she picked up 30 hours. I am not that mean)
*Old Boss became pregnant thanks to Doctor WONDERFUL! I am looking into him. He had a consultation with her in November, and looked at the blood work her old OBGYN ordered, and said "This test, this test, this test, and this test, are useless." She still had them done, and went back to her old OBGYN and they said "Everything is fine, you need IUI" So, they provided her with no reason for her miscarriage but said she needed IUI. She wanted a second opinion so she had ANOTHER FREE consultation with Dr. WONDERFUL and he informed her that her B6 is very low, that she has a chromosomal abnormality causing that, and that she does not need IUI as of yet. She took some vitamins and minerals, and BAM! She is pregnant within 3 weeks! They check her progesterone, she needed some. She has taken some. She is 9 weeks. FARTHER THAN SHE HAS EVER MADE IT! Very proud of her. And Dr. Wonderful!
Bobi
Thursday, January 27, 2011
update
So BBBB informed my employee that she could not get promoted to my position because she is pregnant. ILLEGAL!
But she says it is too stressful and will harm the baby. Yet it was okay to stress me out? Insanity. And while working in THE MANSION today I had to take my consumer 30 miles in the blizzard we are getting just to sign some paperwork that couldn't wait until tomorrow. I was tempted to just say "fire me" or "suck my left nut" but I realized I lack a nut and should just do it so I didn't have to do it tomorrow. Or today since its the wee morning now.
Anywho, goodnight, just thought I'd update everyone on just how shitty my employer is.
Bobi
But she says it is too stressful and will harm the baby. Yet it was okay to stress me out? Insanity. And while working in THE MANSION today I had to take my consumer 30 miles in the blizzard we are getting just to sign some paperwork that couldn't wait until tomorrow. I was tempted to just say "fire me" or "suck my left nut" but I realized I lack a nut and should just do it so I didn't have to do it tomorrow. Or today since its the wee morning now.
Anywho, goodnight, just thought I'd update everyone on just how shitty my employer is.
Bobi
strange
This is just too sweet, strange and weird for me.
One of my consumers comes from a very wealthy family. And so 2 or 3 days a week I get to hang out in "the mansion", sure I have to cook, clean and work, but I love it.
I love this family, I love their beliefs and their stories. They have a lot of wisdom to offer.
The father of said consumer in said family, knows that I love their bathroom in the master suite. It is a mini spa in there! And he just told me that while my consumer is napping, I may take a bath in said tub and enjoy an hour of relaxation. I know they love to make me feel like part of the family, but I AM working.
Is it strange? Is it weird? What should I do? I'm lying and saying I'm checking my work emails. But really, I am sharing with you guys, because I am sure this will not be the last time this is brought up. What should I do?
Bobi
One of my consumers comes from a very wealthy family. And so 2 or 3 days a week I get to hang out in "the mansion", sure I have to cook, clean and work, but I love it.
I love this family, I love their beliefs and their stories. They have a lot of wisdom to offer.
The father of said consumer in said family, knows that I love their bathroom in the master suite. It is a mini spa in there! And he just told me that while my consumer is napping, I may take a bath in said tub and enjoy an hour of relaxation. I know they love to make me feel like part of the family, but I AM working.
Is it strange? Is it weird? What should I do? I'm lying and saying I'm checking my work emails. But really, I am sharing with you guys, because I am sure this will not be the last time this is brought up. What should I do?
Bobi
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Hairy Mess!
So I have been doing just water every other day for my hair. It is part of the no poo hair care. But by day 7 my hair feels heavy. The texture is totally changing and while it feels healthy, I just can't get used to it. So, by day 7 usually use baking soda and then do a vinegar rinse. Its been doing wonders. But in the last 2 weeks I have noticed the ends are really getting dry after the baking soda. So I decided to stop.
I am a cheater and once a week I am washing my hair with shampoo. Sue me.
My husband has assured me that this is okay. And since I barely use any shampoo, it is still better. And it means I can buy the super expensive stuff and it will last longer than a week. I am loving this.
Now I need some suggestions here, I have 2 heat blankets. I adore them! So warm and wonderful. But my cat loves them too. And so after awhile they were covered in his white hair (and one is blue) (well really only the blue one had hair on it the other is in our bedroom and hairless) and it smelled like cat. So I looked at the care label and it said it was okay to wash it. So I did. I didn't realize that this would not remove the hair, if anything it made it feel more hairy. Its the drier that removes the hair! And I can't dry these! I have to dry it over my shower rod! This brings me to my question, does anyone have any brilliant ideas on how to get this hair off? Can I pop it in the drier for 5 minutes? Anything? I really don't want to use an entire lint roller and spend 2 hours being all OCD about getting the hair off.
But I HAVE to get it off! The hairs are poking me and it makes me feel dirty and then I have to bathe and waste water! Help me!
Also, Gee applied at my mothers work. Which means he would have better insurance than he does now, he would get weekends off, and he would work 2nd shift. This has fueled me even more, I WANT WEEKENDS OFF! Since I will be going into education, I will have them off in 4 years, but will probably use them to get my masters. But I want them off now! Of course I am looking into becoming a teachers aid, and day care work. All of which would be amazing. When it comes to age groups, I think I'd love the under 10 crowd. Second or third graders would rock my world! But I could also see myself teaching preschoolers. Or special education. My goodness so many options!
I think for now though, I will pursue daycares and the teachers aids. I just hope I find something soon. My many bosses are killing me. And yet again I was told I couldn't go into my office. I've kind of given up. Maybe they'll fire me. Atleast then I would get umemployment. I could be a drain on the economy. Yay me!
They won't fire me though. My coworker explained that they will go out of their way to avoid firing someone. Which sucks.
I have noticed though, that since I gave my notice. (Which they have now changed to a 6 week notice....because no one wants my job) my stress induced acne is gone. For the first time since July, my face is zit free. I am pretty proud of that. Oh, and on March 14th at 10:15 I have my next doctors appointment.
Oh, and I still haven't got a period since the miscarriage. I am generally (if I'm remembering correctly) about 40 days, which is the same as my menstruals. But I guess not this time. Today is 41. I am refusing to let my mind do the math and think how far along that would make me. 2 monthsish. But that's as far as I'm letting my mind go.
They say the moment you decide you don't want a child you will get pregnant. Which we have had happen. How strange would it be to get pregnant now? I wouldn't even know my due date since I can't exactly give the first day of my last period. And while we weren't "trying" we weren't "not trying" either. What was the point of buying condoms? I'm infertile ya know!
They say to wait 3 months so you can greive. But I feel like every month I lose someting. Lose a chance. So, I guess I feel sad, awful, but I am not focused on it. And they say it takes 3 months for your uterine lining to build up again. But, my lining is all scar tissue anyway. And I have decided that most likely I will end up on bed rest (just a strange feeling I have) anyway, so I am not too worried.
Miscarriages suck. But I know that someday, I will get a child. So I know that each miscarriage brings me one step closer. I am not saying I don't cry over my children who were never meant to be, or imagine them, but I try to be positive.
Anywho, I am at work, and I spent my hour of down time writing all of this. And now it is time for me to atleast act like I'm doing something.
Bobi
I am a cheater and once a week I am washing my hair with shampoo. Sue me.
My husband has assured me that this is okay. And since I barely use any shampoo, it is still better. And it means I can buy the super expensive stuff and it will last longer than a week. I am loving this.
Now I need some suggestions here, I have 2 heat blankets. I adore them! So warm and wonderful. But my cat loves them too. And so after awhile they were covered in his white hair (and one is blue) (well really only the blue one had hair on it the other is in our bedroom and hairless) and it smelled like cat. So I looked at the care label and it said it was okay to wash it. So I did. I didn't realize that this would not remove the hair, if anything it made it feel more hairy. Its the drier that removes the hair! And I can't dry these! I have to dry it over my shower rod! This brings me to my question, does anyone have any brilliant ideas on how to get this hair off? Can I pop it in the drier for 5 minutes? Anything? I really don't want to use an entire lint roller and spend 2 hours being all OCD about getting the hair off.
But I HAVE to get it off! The hairs are poking me and it makes me feel dirty and then I have to bathe and waste water! Help me!
Also, Gee applied at my mothers work. Which means he would have better insurance than he does now, he would get weekends off, and he would work 2nd shift. This has fueled me even more, I WANT WEEKENDS OFF! Since I will be going into education, I will have them off in 4 years, but will probably use them to get my masters. But I want them off now! Of course I am looking into becoming a teachers aid, and day care work. All of which would be amazing. When it comes to age groups, I think I'd love the under 10 crowd. Second or third graders would rock my world! But I could also see myself teaching preschoolers. Or special education. My goodness so many options!
I think for now though, I will pursue daycares and the teachers aids. I just hope I find something soon. My many bosses are killing me. And yet again I was told I couldn't go into my office. I've kind of given up. Maybe they'll fire me. Atleast then I would get umemployment. I could be a drain on the economy. Yay me!
They won't fire me though. My coworker explained that they will go out of their way to avoid firing someone. Which sucks.
I have noticed though, that since I gave my notice. (Which they have now changed to a 6 week notice....because no one wants my job) my stress induced acne is gone. For the first time since July, my face is zit free. I am pretty proud of that. Oh, and on March 14th at 10:15 I have my next doctors appointment.
Oh, and I still haven't got a period since the miscarriage. I am generally (if I'm remembering correctly) about 40 days, which is the same as my menstruals. But I guess not this time. Today is 41. I am refusing to let my mind do the math and think how far along that would make me. 2 monthsish. But that's as far as I'm letting my mind go.
They say the moment you decide you don't want a child you will get pregnant. Which we have had happen. How strange would it be to get pregnant now? I wouldn't even know my due date since I can't exactly give the first day of my last period. And while we weren't "trying" we weren't "not trying" either. What was the point of buying condoms? I'm infertile ya know!
They say to wait 3 months so you can greive. But I feel like every month I lose someting. Lose a chance. So, I guess I feel sad, awful, but I am not focused on it. And they say it takes 3 months for your uterine lining to build up again. But, my lining is all scar tissue anyway. And I have decided that most likely I will end up on bed rest (just a strange feeling I have) anyway, so I am not too worried.
Miscarriages suck. But I know that someday, I will get a child. So I know that each miscarriage brings me one step closer. I am not saying I don't cry over my children who were never meant to be, or imagine them, but I try to be positive.
Anywho, I am at work, and I spent my hour of down time writing all of this. And now it is time for me to atleast act like I'm doing something.
Bobi
Friday, January 21, 2011
I am a witch in love.
Okay the witch part. I feel so awful for thinking this so I just have to confess my sins.
My big big big boss is pregnant with her second.
We shall call her BBBB.
She announced her pregnancy in a work news letter that she sent out on Christmas Eve!
Meaning 9 days after I called her crying and told her I would not make it to my monthly meeting of assholes. Yes, I explained why. She said "It is okay I understand, have a day or two to relax."
Bitch.
I believe that the reason i miscarried may have something to do with my issues medically. But i also believe that someone is much more likely to miscarry if every morning at 9 am they have 4 voice mails of "Bobi, call me immediately there is an emergency"
And then Bobi calls and finds out that the emergency is that one of my staff members missed a box on their documentation. CALL THAT STAFF MEMBER! Not me. I know nothing about all of that since it is not my job to know.
But Thanks for the heart attack.
Or the meeting I had 3 days before where I was told I was responsible for fixing all of my last 4 bosses mistakes. (Which I still havent fixed because I cant fix 3 years worth of mistakes in a month. Nope. Cant.)
This boss is newer than I am and was only hired in because she is the high school BFF of the other 7 big bosses. Yes, I have 8 people, who do NOT communicate at all, (Well at least not about work related things) who call me constantly and bitch at me for their misunderstandings and their lack communication.
Yes, BBBB my paperwork is late. Why? Because I am locked out of my office (who is also someone else's home) because you promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out. Fix it.
3 days later
Yes, other boss, I am locked out of my office because BBBB promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out for the last 3 days. Didn't BBBB tell you that after I informed her?
"No she didn't. You should have personally called me!"
"But BBBB said she personally would tell you." And then other boss hangs up and BBBB yells at me for "tattling".
Yes, this IS the immature company I am working for.
Anywho, BBBB is pregnant and heartless. I have noticed she is missing work quite a bit. (Mind you I cant get off work to see my husband for more than 10 minutes a week and had to pull 4 different favors to get off when I had a temp of 103.7 2 days ago) And each time I find myself thinking"maybe she will miscarry and finally know what it feels like!"
Maybe this is because I know she announced her pregnancy the day she found out, or maybe it if just empty oven envy, but I feel awful for thinking it. But my coworkers agree.
Of the last 4 people in my position at work, 3 of them have miscarried. And ultimately, that is why they left. All of my coworkers know this. So, every time BBBB misses work, someone says "maybe it is her turn." or "i wonder if its the baby."
I just feel like an apology is owed, or some common courtesy or something!
Now for the Love.
Does anyone else look at their husband and think
OH EM GEE! THAT IS MINE! How did I get so lucky?
Because I get that feeling at least twice a week. I love him.
Bobi
My big big big boss is pregnant with her second.
We shall call her BBBB.
She announced her pregnancy in a work news letter that she sent out on Christmas Eve!
Meaning 9 days after I called her crying and told her I would not make it to my monthly meeting of assholes. Yes, I explained why. She said "It is okay I understand, have a day or two to relax."
Bitch.
I believe that the reason i miscarried may have something to do with my issues medically. But i also believe that someone is much more likely to miscarry if every morning at 9 am they have 4 voice mails of "Bobi, call me immediately there is an emergency"
And then Bobi calls and finds out that the emergency is that one of my staff members missed a box on their documentation. CALL THAT STAFF MEMBER! Not me. I know nothing about all of that since it is not my job to know.
But Thanks for the heart attack.
Or the meeting I had 3 days before where I was told I was responsible for fixing all of my last 4 bosses mistakes. (Which I still havent fixed because I cant fix 3 years worth of mistakes in a month. Nope. Cant.)
This boss is newer than I am and was only hired in because she is the high school BFF of the other 7 big bosses. Yes, I have 8 people, who do NOT communicate at all, (Well at least not about work related things) who call me constantly and bitch at me for their misunderstandings and their lack communication.
Yes, BBBB my paperwork is late. Why? Because I am locked out of my office (who is also someone else's home) because you promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out. Fix it.
3 days later
Yes, other boss, I am locked out of my office because BBBB promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out for the last 3 days. Didn't BBBB tell you that after I informed her?
"No she didn't. You should have personally called me!"
"But BBBB said she personally would tell you." And then other boss hangs up and BBBB yells at me for "tattling".
Yes, this IS the immature company I am working for.
Anywho, BBBB is pregnant and heartless. I have noticed she is missing work quite a bit. (Mind you I cant get off work to see my husband for more than 10 minutes a week and had to pull 4 different favors to get off when I had a temp of 103.7 2 days ago) And each time I find myself thinking"maybe she will miscarry and finally know what it feels like!"
Maybe this is because I know she announced her pregnancy the day she found out, or maybe it if just empty oven envy, but I feel awful for thinking it. But my coworkers agree.
Of the last 4 people in my position at work, 3 of them have miscarried. And ultimately, that is why they left. All of my coworkers know this. So, every time BBBB misses work, someone says "maybe it is her turn." or "i wonder if its the baby."
I just feel like an apology is owed, or some common courtesy or something!
Now for the Love.
Does anyone else look at their husband and think
OH EM GEE! THAT IS MINE! How did I get so lucky?
Because I get that feeling at least twice a week. I love him.
Bobi
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The A Word.
So on Saturday I felt a little sick in the evening. Then tha night all hell broke loose. Both ends. At the same time. While I was running to the bathroom.
Now my husband and I took vows, but he never agreed to shit and vomit cleaning. But he did. I felt even more disgusting though, just knowing that he cleaned up after me like I was a child or a dog.
I thought it was that GI flu going around, but it only lasted 2 hours. Kind of strange. Then sunday I noticed I had a runny nose. And so I claimed to still be sick in order to avoid a baby shower I had been planning to attend. It is for one of my friends. We were never best friends, more like high school drinking buddies. And then we went our seperate ways as we matured. Only staying in contact via facebook and texting. And this spring/early summer she and her long time boyfriend broke up. Then I guess she was late or something and she took a test. It was positive. So she and the boyfriend got back together and now are living happily ever after. She is having a girl.
While I am happy for them, or atleast I try to be, I feel the normal angst of "why not me?" That is the hardest part about infertility. I feel like a teenager who says "my life is so horrible" dispite having such a wonderful life. That's me.
I have great friends, a loving-shit-and-vomit-cleaning husband, great pets, a nice house, a shitty job, but life for me is good. Better than most people my age. But why not me? That's always in my mind.
Which brings me to Adoption Stories. Since I am sick and can't breath (runny nose turned into severe sinus headaches and that feeling of my head being 200 lbs) I am lying on the couch watching Adoption Stories.
Which gives me more angst. I feel guilty for not accepting adoption into my heart. I could love any child. My own or someone else's. Under any circumstance, hell, that is basically my job. But I cannot accept the process. You decide to adopt. You get background checks, criminal checks, they check to see if medically you are healthy (who is these days?) and then they check to make sure you are sane (yet again, who is these days?) then they see if your marriage is durable and loving. Major issue here, anyone can fake it until they believe it. I've watched people adopt 6 different children, and then just months after the last child was official they divorced. It came out that the wife had been "living a double life" and had a man on the side for 8 years of her 14 year marriage, and she played a step mom to his 2 kids. But this entire time they were considered to have a healthy marriage. INSANITY!
Then they do a home study, which we would fail because we have a "banned breed". Nevermind the fact that she loves children and is working to become a therapy dog. And we have a "normal dog" who has what we consider puppy autism and cannot be trust around children***. Then you wait. And wait. And wait. Then when you do get the call, you dish out thousands of dollars to get the child. Wait some more to make it official, and wait some more to make sure that nothing goes wrong. I think that sounds AWFUL! Give me a child today, and I promise, no matter what I will love and care for that child. But if I have to jump through hoops just to get that chance, and worry that the child may be taken away before he/she is even in my arms, I'm not okay with that.
*** A is a wonderful dog. For 2 people. Any choas and he can't handle it. We have tried trainer after trainer, and while we still use some of their methods, we have realized that he is this way due to genetics, and that we just need to love him, and keep him away from others for his own safety. If we had a child it wouldn't be different. Our house has the ability to be sectioned off into atleast 5 different parts. A hangs out in his "room" (the cupboard under our stairs) and in his daddy's game room. And of course outside. He has to be kept away from M most of the time. If a bunch of kids were to run through our yard, or someone show up, or something scare him, or something along those lines, he wouldn't know where to send his emotions, or how to deal with them. So they come out in anger and angression. Its all fear and anxiety based. So he could harm M. He has bit me twice, but once he has realized it is me, he has immediately ran away to hide. I usually ignore him, (he has never broken my skin) and let him calm down and he will come see me when he is ready. He has never bit my husband. When he gets really scared we usually can rub his butt (which calms most dogs) and talk in low voices and depending on the situation we may take him to his room. The cupboard is insulated so he can't hear things as loudly, and it is dark, so he isn't in "sensory overload" so much. During tornadoes the cupboard is our only spot to go, so one of us holds him, and the other holds M, and then the cats are in a carrier. A has done very well. I usually hold him, just because we have to sit indian style (or the more correct term "hot cross buns") in order to fit, and A weighs around 80 lbs, and if he steps on my husbands baby makin' equipment I may never get a child. So, A is mine in emergencies. A also has a weird obsession with my step dad. My step dad loves bulldogs. Loves. Loves. Loves. And A is a bulldog. So even as a baby, A would run to my step dad while M went to my mom. Its just their thing. A always got over excited upon seeing S.D., but as a 10 lbs doggie it didn't seem like a big deal. But once he hit 50 lbs it became a big deal. He bounces, and jumps and goes crazy. (He can't control the agression, so it has come out before but S.D. Knows how to calm him) so usually we just have to give A a little break and time to realize "My grampy is here and I get to see him!" And slowly we reintroduced "Grampy". A has a small entrance to his "room" or "hidey hole" as I like to call it. So after A has come out to say Hi we send him back in, and then wait for him to calm down, then my SD can talk to A, and A will talk back (he talks a lot. He even says Maaaaaaaaaaoooooaaaoaoooaoaoaoam when he wants me and Ggggrrrrrrraaaaag usually means dad) and then after A's talking gets quieter, my SD will walk to the entrance and pet A, then usually my SD will climb in to A's hidey hole, and they'll hang out in there. They wrestle, and snuggle and talk. Its seriously like an episode of "wolf man" or the "bear whisperer" who ulitmately got ate, so ill stick with "wolf man". But A is a good baby, he just has special needs. And honestly, as the vet and the last 2 trainers have told me, giving him to someone else, is giving someone a loaded gun, and if we put him down, I would feel guilty, because I know that if my child had special needs, and was a danger to himself and others, I wouldn't kill my child. So I won't kill A. We just have to protect everyone, so A stays in his hole when anyone besides my Mom and SD comes to visit, and when he goes outside we are usually in the mudroom watching him, or we are outside with him.
As for right now, the freezing rain has hit us and is pushing the snow off the roof, and the icecicles are falling by my window, and its scaring me. M is calm, so I know it isn't a burglar, but dammit I'm still afraid! A is oblivious. He is a sleepy guy right now.
Anywho, I'm going to post this and then see if I can get back to sleep. More job hunting today as it is my only day off until next monday.
Bobi
Now my husband and I took vows, but he never agreed to shit and vomit cleaning. But he did. I felt even more disgusting though, just knowing that he cleaned up after me like I was a child or a dog.
I thought it was that GI flu going around, but it only lasted 2 hours. Kind of strange. Then sunday I noticed I had a runny nose. And so I claimed to still be sick in order to avoid a baby shower I had been planning to attend. It is for one of my friends. We were never best friends, more like high school drinking buddies. And then we went our seperate ways as we matured. Only staying in contact via facebook and texting. And this spring/early summer she and her long time boyfriend broke up. Then I guess she was late or something and she took a test. It was positive. So she and the boyfriend got back together and now are living happily ever after. She is having a girl.
While I am happy for them, or atleast I try to be, I feel the normal angst of "why not me?" That is the hardest part about infertility. I feel like a teenager who says "my life is so horrible" dispite having such a wonderful life. That's me.
I have great friends, a loving-shit-and-vomit-cleaning husband, great pets, a nice house, a shitty job, but life for me is good. Better than most people my age. But why not me? That's always in my mind.
Which brings me to Adoption Stories. Since I am sick and can't breath (runny nose turned into severe sinus headaches and that feeling of my head being 200 lbs) I am lying on the couch watching Adoption Stories.
Which gives me more angst. I feel guilty for not accepting adoption into my heart. I could love any child. My own or someone else's. Under any circumstance, hell, that is basically my job. But I cannot accept the process. You decide to adopt. You get background checks, criminal checks, they check to see if medically you are healthy (who is these days?) and then they check to make sure you are sane (yet again, who is these days?) then they see if your marriage is durable and loving. Major issue here, anyone can fake it until they believe it. I've watched people adopt 6 different children, and then just months after the last child was official they divorced. It came out that the wife had been "living a double life" and had a man on the side for 8 years of her 14 year marriage, and she played a step mom to his 2 kids. But this entire time they were considered to have a healthy marriage. INSANITY!
Then they do a home study, which we would fail because we have a "banned breed". Nevermind the fact that she loves children and is working to become a therapy dog. And we have a "normal dog" who has what we consider puppy autism and cannot be trust around children***. Then you wait. And wait. And wait. Then when you do get the call, you dish out thousands of dollars to get the child. Wait some more to make it official, and wait some more to make sure that nothing goes wrong. I think that sounds AWFUL! Give me a child today, and I promise, no matter what I will love and care for that child. But if I have to jump through hoops just to get that chance, and worry that the child may be taken away before he/she is even in my arms, I'm not okay with that.
*** A is a wonderful dog. For 2 people. Any choas and he can't handle it. We have tried trainer after trainer, and while we still use some of their methods, we have realized that he is this way due to genetics, and that we just need to love him, and keep him away from others for his own safety. If we had a child it wouldn't be different. Our house has the ability to be sectioned off into atleast 5 different parts. A hangs out in his "room" (the cupboard under our stairs) and in his daddy's game room. And of course outside. He has to be kept away from M most of the time. If a bunch of kids were to run through our yard, or someone show up, or something scare him, or something along those lines, he wouldn't know where to send his emotions, or how to deal with them. So they come out in anger and angression. Its all fear and anxiety based. So he could harm M. He has bit me twice, but once he has realized it is me, he has immediately ran away to hide. I usually ignore him, (he has never broken my skin) and let him calm down and he will come see me when he is ready. He has never bit my husband. When he gets really scared we usually can rub his butt (which calms most dogs) and talk in low voices and depending on the situation we may take him to his room. The cupboard is insulated so he can't hear things as loudly, and it is dark, so he isn't in "sensory overload" so much. During tornadoes the cupboard is our only spot to go, so one of us holds him, and the other holds M, and then the cats are in a carrier. A has done very well. I usually hold him, just because we have to sit indian style (or the more correct term "hot cross buns") in order to fit, and A weighs around 80 lbs, and if he steps on my husbands baby makin' equipment I may never get a child. So, A is mine in emergencies. A also has a weird obsession with my step dad. My step dad loves bulldogs. Loves. Loves. Loves. And A is a bulldog. So even as a baby, A would run to my step dad while M went to my mom. Its just their thing. A always got over excited upon seeing S.D., but as a 10 lbs doggie it didn't seem like a big deal. But once he hit 50 lbs it became a big deal. He bounces, and jumps and goes crazy. (He can't control the agression, so it has come out before but S.D. Knows how to calm him) so usually we just have to give A a little break and time to realize "My grampy is here and I get to see him!" And slowly we reintroduced "Grampy". A has a small entrance to his "room" or "hidey hole" as I like to call it. So after A has come out to say Hi we send him back in, and then wait for him to calm down, then my SD can talk to A, and A will talk back (he talks a lot. He even says Maaaaaaaaaaoooooaaaoaoooaoaoaoam when he wants me and Ggggrrrrrrraaaaag usually means dad) and then after A's talking gets quieter, my SD will walk to the entrance and pet A, then usually my SD will climb in to A's hidey hole, and they'll hang out in there. They wrestle, and snuggle and talk. Its seriously like an episode of "wolf man" or the "bear whisperer" who ulitmately got ate, so ill stick with "wolf man". But A is a good baby, he just has special needs. And honestly, as the vet and the last 2 trainers have told me, giving him to someone else, is giving someone a loaded gun, and if we put him down, I would feel guilty, because I know that if my child had special needs, and was a danger to himself and others, I wouldn't kill my child. So I won't kill A. We just have to protect everyone, so A stays in his hole when anyone besides my Mom and SD comes to visit, and when he goes outside we are usually in the mudroom watching him, or we are outside with him.
As for right now, the freezing rain has hit us and is pushing the snow off the roof, and the icecicles are falling by my window, and its scaring me. M is calm, so I know it isn't a burglar, but dammit I'm still afraid! A is oblivious. He is a sleepy guy right now.
Anywho, I'm going to post this and then see if I can get back to sleep. More job hunting today as it is my only day off until next monday.
Bobi
Sunday, January 16, 2011
decision.
We have decided to have more tests run to see A) why we have only had 2 pregnancies in over 2 years (both within the last 13 months) dispite the clomid, timing, and everything. And B) why we cannot get anything to stay put! I know that the one before the last had blood on the implantation site, and that I have had what I believe to be "implantation bleeding" atleast 4 times, so maybe it is something to do with implantation. Our appointment is in March but I'm going to try and move it forward.
And we have decided that after the tests we will assess our options. I have told Gee that if we do IUI I would like to do it in April or March, which would have to be 2012, or in July. This is because I have had dreams lately of an April baby (therefore conceived in July) and of giving birth in a snow storm and eating my birthday cake in a hospital, therefore march or april. I'm soooo strange I know.
And we have decided that after the tests we will assess our options. I have told Gee that if we do IUI I would like to do it in April or March, which would have to be 2012, or in July. This is because I have had dreams lately of an April baby (therefore conceived in July) and of giving birth in a snow storm and eating my birthday cake in a hospital, therefore march or april. I'm soooo strange I know.
Friday, January 14, 2011
phone post.
Posting from my BB. I lost .4lbs. But I lost half an inch off my stomach in 2 weeks. So eh, maybe I am losing something. Work sucks. They want me to work every weekend, 60 hours a week, but only pay me for 40 hours. And they are being fruadulent in their documentation that's being sent out. So I gave my one month notice today. God Bless them all but I AM OUTTA HERE! So if you know anyone hiring in NW ohio let me know, especially in the childcare field. Heck, ill go be a waitress just so long as I can go to school. Mind you I know waitresses who make more money than I do.
Bobi
Bobi
Monday, January 10, 2011
Cheaters
Someone viewed and did not comment. Chicken Poop.
I made my amazing beef stroganoff. Not good for the diet. I ate it. A LOT. Like 3000 calories worth of it in 2 days. I punished myself today. I took M for a run. The pitbull/boxer hauled ass and I just kind of followed. Not really. She is well trained and runs at my side. But at times I emotionally feel pulled. We have a tight bond. If i tried to explain it, you would think I am crazy.
Okay, I will kind of try. She can be sound asleep, and if I whisper her name, or any of the variations of her name I use, she will be at my side within 30 seconds no matter where she is. Right now she is napping and facing away from me. I just looked at her, slowly turning my head and she immediately looked back.
As for her attitude, when she was 7 months old my extremely fertile neighbor came over with her daughter who was just learning to roll over. I was in the kitchen and out of sight. M loved this baby like no other, and always stayed near her unless I was doing something cool. The neighbor was changing said baby's diaper and turned away to do something, leaving the baby on the couch unattended. (I never said she was a good mother) The baby rolled over. Sometime during the roll M must've stood up, and the baby ended up half on the couch and her other half on M's back. I have no idea just how long (no more than 10-20 seconds) she was like that, but when i walked into the room, that is how i found them. I ran over, laid the baby back onto her back and told M she would make a better mother than our neighbor. I told my neighbor what had happened and she laughed it off like it was no big deal. After that, anytime that baby was around, M and I stayed close no matter who was "watching" her.
A year later M had gone at least 10 months without seeing said baby. These old neighbors of our came to visit our house. The moment the baby, now a toddler, got out of her car seat she started squealing at M, and M jumped our 5 foot fence, and ran to that little girl. She kissed her and soon gave her a "tour". The toddler grabbed M's tail and M led her around like her tail was a leash and she showed said toddler all her toys and favorites places. The toddler spent the night that night, and M, who usually sleeps around the foot of my bed or the side, slept outside the door where the toddler slept. The door was wide open, but M has never been allowed to sleep in the same room with the little one, so she knew to stay at the entrance and not in the actual room. (This may also be because that is the future nursery and we have never really allowed M much time in there)
When we first brought M home, we were told by my mother and step-dad that no pitbull mix would EVER be allowed alone with my step siblings. Within months that had changed. My step dad said "The kids can only stay there if M is there" when I had the kids over to our old apartment. I should specify that the apartment was recommended by some friends and they said it was "GREAT AREA! SO SAFE!" and within 3 days of us moving there Gee broke up a fight outside our apartment and ended up getting stabbed. So, we stayed inside unless we had mace, and M.
M became our most valuable possession when I was 17 and she was around 5 months. It was December and I was about to turn 18. I took M down to see my Grandfather 212 miles away. At sunrise we stopped at a rest stop to pee and such. I had my mace in hand when I went inside, but M didn't want to get out to potty for some reason. I wasn't concerned since it had only been an hour since our last stop (i drink and pee a lot) so I settled into the car and got ready to pull out. Then I noticed a semi had turned into the car area not the trailer area, and he was in his truck, parked directly behind me, and blocking me in. I figured no big deal. I would wait him out.
Then i noticed a man walking closer and closer to us. He kept glancing at the truck. Then at us. M was relaxing in the back. But then this man got closer and closer. The semi driver still hadn't got out of his truck. I was getting worried and gripping my mace so tight. Then M\ popped up and nudged me a bit and sat in the front seat. The man walking towards us stopped and glanced at the semi, at me, and at M. He didn't stop. Then M barked. Just a normal dog bark. The guy stopped and fumbled with his shoe while glancing back at the semi. He nodded his head, and I realized something was not right. At this point i start the car and I am fully prepared to run this guy over (hoping my car would pop the curb) or hit the semi.
Then he stands back up and by now is 10 feet from us. M let our a growl and then barked a tough dog bark. Then guy took 2 more steps, and I dialed 9-1-1 in my phone, right as i was about to hit send, when the guy is maybe 6 feet from our car, M growled, snarled, and barked this scary-foam-out-the-mouth-bark, and the guy turned away, within 10 seconds the semi was moving, and I called 911 and let them know I was not stopping to talk to anyone. They said they would go to the rest stop. I never heard back but i drove 90 for about 30 minutes to get the heck away.
After that my husband and Grandfather made me a new travel rule: No Rest stops.
But after that, M became a very valuable member of the family. Heck, her first birthday party cost $300. We had 8 dogs, 5 people, and hundreds of toys. It was in July so a lot of the toys were water themed and therefore, according to the pet toy business, should cost an arm and a leg.
Okay well M is hungry and so am I, so we are going to scrounge up some food. I am happy to have shared about M with you guys even though it was not the direction I had intended to take. Someday soon I will write about just where she came from and why we are so alike.
Bobi
I made my amazing beef stroganoff. Not good for the diet. I ate it. A LOT. Like 3000 calories worth of it in 2 days. I punished myself today. I took M for a run. The pitbull/boxer hauled ass and I just kind of followed. Not really. She is well trained and runs at my side. But at times I emotionally feel pulled. We have a tight bond. If i tried to explain it, you would think I am crazy.
Okay, I will kind of try. She can be sound asleep, and if I whisper her name, or any of the variations of her name I use, she will be at my side within 30 seconds no matter where she is. Right now she is napping and facing away from me. I just looked at her, slowly turning my head and she immediately looked back.
As for her attitude, when she was 7 months old my extremely fertile neighbor came over with her daughter who was just learning to roll over. I was in the kitchen and out of sight. M loved this baby like no other, and always stayed near her unless I was doing something cool. The neighbor was changing said baby's diaper and turned away to do something, leaving the baby on the couch unattended. (I never said she was a good mother) The baby rolled over. Sometime during the roll M must've stood up, and the baby ended up half on the couch and her other half on M's back. I have no idea just how long (no more than 10-20 seconds) she was like that, but when i walked into the room, that is how i found them. I ran over, laid the baby back onto her back and told M she would make a better mother than our neighbor. I told my neighbor what had happened and she laughed it off like it was no big deal. After that, anytime that baby was around, M and I stayed close no matter who was "watching" her.
A year later M had gone at least 10 months without seeing said baby. These old neighbors of our came to visit our house. The moment the baby, now a toddler, got out of her car seat she started squealing at M, and M jumped our 5 foot fence, and ran to that little girl. She kissed her and soon gave her a "tour". The toddler grabbed M's tail and M led her around like her tail was a leash and she showed said toddler all her toys and favorites places. The toddler spent the night that night, and M, who usually sleeps around the foot of my bed or the side, slept outside the door where the toddler slept. The door was wide open, but M has never been allowed to sleep in the same room with the little one, so she knew to stay at the entrance and not in the actual room. (This may also be because that is the future nursery and we have never really allowed M much time in there)
When we first brought M home, we were told by my mother and step-dad that no pitbull mix would EVER be allowed alone with my step siblings. Within months that had changed. My step dad said "The kids can only stay there if M is there" when I had the kids over to our old apartment. I should specify that the apartment was recommended by some friends and they said it was "GREAT AREA! SO SAFE!" and within 3 days of us moving there Gee broke up a fight outside our apartment and ended up getting stabbed. So, we stayed inside unless we had mace, and M.
M became our most valuable possession when I was 17 and she was around 5 months. It was December and I was about to turn 18. I took M down to see my Grandfather 212 miles away. At sunrise we stopped at a rest stop to pee and such. I had my mace in hand when I went inside, but M didn't want to get out to potty for some reason. I wasn't concerned since it had only been an hour since our last stop (i drink and pee a lot) so I settled into the car and got ready to pull out. Then I noticed a semi had turned into the car area not the trailer area, and he was in his truck, parked directly behind me, and blocking me in. I figured no big deal. I would wait him out.
Then i noticed a man walking closer and closer to us. He kept glancing at the truck. Then at us. M was relaxing in the back. But then this man got closer and closer. The semi driver still hadn't got out of his truck. I was getting worried and gripping my mace so tight. Then M\ popped up and nudged me a bit and sat in the front seat. The man walking towards us stopped and glanced at the semi, at me, and at M. He didn't stop. Then M barked. Just a normal dog bark. The guy stopped and fumbled with his shoe while glancing back at the semi. He nodded his head, and I realized something was not right. At this point i start the car and I am fully prepared to run this guy over (hoping my car would pop the curb) or hit the semi.
Then he stands back up and by now is 10 feet from us. M let our a growl and then barked a tough dog bark. Then guy took 2 more steps, and I dialed 9-1-1 in my phone, right as i was about to hit send, when the guy is maybe 6 feet from our car, M growled, snarled, and barked this scary-foam-out-the-mouth-bark, and the guy turned away, within 10 seconds the semi was moving, and I called 911 and let them know I was not stopping to talk to anyone. They said they would go to the rest stop. I never heard back but i drove 90 for about 30 minutes to get the heck away.
After that my husband and Grandfather made me a new travel rule: No Rest stops.
But after that, M became a very valuable member of the family. Heck, her first birthday party cost $300. We had 8 dogs, 5 people, and hundreds of toys. It was in July so a lot of the toys were water themed and therefore, according to the pet toy business, should cost an arm and a leg.
Okay well M is hungry and so am I, so we are going to scrounge up some food. I am happy to have shared about M with you guys even though it was not the direction I had intended to take. Someday soon I will write about just where she came from and why we are so alike.
Bobi
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Delurking
I know I have readers. Regular readers who are too cool to subscribe to my blog.
I have only had TWO comments.
So, as International Blog Delurking Week comes to an end I WANT SOME COMMENTS! Anyone who reads this:I demand a comment. Even if you read this in 2017 leave a comment.
OR ELSE!
I'LL GET YOU!
Bobi
I have only had TWO comments.
So, as International Blog Delurking Week comes to an end I WANT SOME COMMENTS! Anyone who reads this:I demand a comment. Even if you read this in 2017 leave a comment.
OR ELSE!
I'LL GET YOU!
Bobi
Results Week 1
I weighed myself just now. I weigh 199. Before I technically weighed 199.2. I just didnt feel the need to include that .2, and apparently now i do. For all the hard work and the healthier options, i still only lost.2! Maybe I am bloated?
Bobi
Bobi
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Weirdness
So, I am an addict. I wake up with the urge. I fall asleep wondering if I should do it just one more time. I see something on tv, a billboard, a newpaper, and immediately I just have to do it. I feel a pain in my body and I just need to do it.
Yep, that is right folks, I am an exercise addict.
I weighed 110 lbs in 5th grade.
135 in 7th
150 in 8th
135 in 9th
116 in 10th
Then I met my husband.
I weighed around 120 when i met him on June 30, 2006, the day I had my wisdom teeth removed. Swollen and drugged, I went on a group date that ended up at my Uncle's sitting around a fire where my mom told Gee all these awful stories about me and Gee's friend told my mom thet Gee was not sober and had a drug problem. Just what every mother wants to hear. (I thought it was a joke at the time, but it wasnt and within 2 months I had a sober Gee)
At the end of that summer I weighed 145
11th grade i weighed 150
12th was when Gee proposed. So i went on a crazy diet. 1 fruit cup for breakfast, 1 cup of veggies for lunch, 1 sandwich containing meat, 1 fruit cup for dinner. I weighed 125lbs just 4 months after this.
Then we moved out. I started college, I studied and had no time for cooking, so we ate pizza 1 night a week, chicken alfredo and amazing breadsticks 2 nights a week, chinese one night a week and in between we rustled up crap. We didnt even own a scale. We were busy. When we bought our house a year later i weighed
212!
I joined a gym. They said $25.00 a month and i got 2 sessions with a personal trainer. I assumed they meant 2 sessions with him a month. No, 2 sessions for free, then he would charge us $60.00 an hour. But I wasnt told that until after the first month. I had used him 9 times. After everything that I thought was included, our bill was around $800 for that first month. At 19, i bought a home, and my fiance lost his extremely well paying job. We lost $2000 a week in income, I only made like $300 a week! There was no way we could afford that! Hell, we couldnt even afford basic cable or shoes! So, I did it by myself. Somehow every month for those first 6 months i managed to find extra ways of making money. I had a garage sale, we had income tax, i cleaned out my IRA (yes, i was the only 18 year old who had an IRA), I did favors for my mother and friends, and we even sold some of our favorite belongings. I also, went weeks without a real meal. I ate small things, and I worked sometimes 19 days straight, I got down to 184.
Then we got married, which luckily my mother paid for half of, (our wedding only cost us $4000) and then I tried to lose more, but I lost the drive. I started working third shift and it just killed me. I could sleep 14 hours and still be exhausted. Then the husband finally got a job. And then I caught H1N1 which while I only really had it for 5 days, left a lot of long lasting issues. I developed allergies, and my current allergies worsened, I had allergic reactions at work, and it was awful. (Later found out that the place i worked at never informed me that the wall i worked next to, that was covered in plastic sheeting, was growing black mold.)
On New Years Eve I weighed myself. 199 lbs. For a girl like me (5 foot 3 inches) that is rediculous. I will not accept this. So, as I said, I will lose 1 pound a week until I lose 50 pound or until I get pregnant.
Tomorrow is weigh in day. So, to keep me true, and to help me remember, I will post my stats here.
On New Years Day I did:
1/2 an hour of pilates.
TOTAL: 30
January 2:
24 minutes of "Crunch: Sexy Stretches" which is ON DEMAND on Time Warner Cable. (most of these are)
12 minutes of Kendra Wilkinson's kickboxing
9 minutes of Kendra Wilkinsons Booty something or other
TOTAL: 45
January 3:
1 hour of Pilates
TOTAL:60
January 4:
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1/2 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing.
TOTAL: 111
January 5:
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing
27 minutes of burlesque something or other
15 minutes of tae bo something or other
and ran a mile in like 10 minutes.
TOTAL: 193
January 6:
VERY SORE!
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing
27 minutes of burlesque something or other
15 minutes of tae bo something or other
and ran a mile.
23 minutes of Leg Slimmer Toner
32 minutes of Groove and Burn Latin
12 minutes of Urban Striptease
25 minutes of CRUNCH AssAbs
TOTAL: 275 minutes
FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF 714 MINUTES OF EXERCISE.
So, 11 hours and 54 minutes.
Some people will say "IMPOSSIBLE!" but I remind these folks that normally I work 12 hour days and this week, I only worked 6 hours all week. So, I didnt have anything to do. Oh, and that everytime I do anything "Sexy" the husband wants to watch, and I like the attention. Oh, and unless im running or jumping, I do this nekkid. But with socks and tennis shoes. I hate clothes.
So, hopefully tomorrow morning I will remember to weigh myself before I eat or drink anything.
Oh, and calorie consumption....eh one day I ate like 2500 but the rest have all been around 1500 and 1200. If I counted everything I would become obsessed with that too.
Bobi
Yep, that is right folks, I am an exercise addict.
I weighed 110 lbs in 5th grade.
135 in 7th
150 in 8th
135 in 9th
116 in 10th
Then I met my husband.
I weighed around 120 when i met him on June 30, 2006, the day I had my wisdom teeth removed. Swollen and drugged, I went on a group date that ended up at my Uncle's sitting around a fire where my mom told Gee all these awful stories about me and Gee's friend told my mom thet Gee was not sober and had a drug problem. Just what every mother wants to hear. (I thought it was a joke at the time, but it wasnt and within 2 months I had a sober Gee)
At the end of that summer I weighed 145
11th grade i weighed 150
12th was when Gee proposed. So i went on a crazy diet. 1 fruit cup for breakfast, 1 cup of veggies for lunch, 1 sandwich containing meat, 1 fruit cup for dinner. I weighed 125lbs just 4 months after this.
Then we moved out. I started college, I studied and had no time for cooking, so we ate pizza 1 night a week, chicken alfredo and amazing breadsticks 2 nights a week, chinese one night a week and in between we rustled up crap. We didnt even own a scale. We were busy. When we bought our house a year later i weighed
212!
I joined a gym. They said $25.00 a month and i got 2 sessions with a personal trainer. I assumed they meant 2 sessions with him a month. No, 2 sessions for free, then he would charge us $60.00 an hour. But I wasnt told that until after the first month. I had used him 9 times. After everything that I thought was included, our bill was around $800 for that first month. At 19, i bought a home, and my fiance lost his extremely well paying job. We lost $2000 a week in income, I only made like $300 a week! There was no way we could afford that! Hell, we couldnt even afford basic cable or shoes! So, I did it by myself. Somehow every month for those first 6 months i managed to find extra ways of making money. I had a garage sale, we had income tax, i cleaned out my IRA (yes, i was the only 18 year old who had an IRA), I did favors for my mother and friends, and we even sold some of our favorite belongings. I also, went weeks without a real meal. I ate small things, and I worked sometimes 19 days straight, I got down to 184.
Then we got married, which luckily my mother paid for half of, (our wedding only cost us $4000) and then I tried to lose more, but I lost the drive. I started working third shift and it just killed me. I could sleep 14 hours and still be exhausted. Then the husband finally got a job. And then I caught H1N1 which while I only really had it for 5 days, left a lot of long lasting issues. I developed allergies, and my current allergies worsened, I had allergic reactions at work, and it was awful. (Later found out that the place i worked at never informed me that the wall i worked next to, that was covered in plastic sheeting, was growing black mold.)
On New Years Eve I weighed myself. 199 lbs. For a girl like me (5 foot 3 inches) that is rediculous. I will not accept this. So, as I said, I will lose 1 pound a week until I lose 50 pound or until I get pregnant.
Tomorrow is weigh in day. So, to keep me true, and to help me remember, I will post my stats here.
On New Years Day I did:
1/2 an hour of pilates.
TOTAL: 30
January 2:
24 minutes of "Crunch: Sexy Stretches" which is ON DEMAND on Time Warner Cable. (most of these are)
12 minutes of Kendra Wilkinson's kickboxing
9 minutes of Kendra Wilkinsons Booty something or other
TOTAL: 45
January 3:
1 hour of Pilates
TOTAL:60
January 4:
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1/2 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing.
TOTAL: 111
January 5:
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing
27 minutes of burlesque something or other
15 minutes of tae bo something or other
and ran a mile in like 10 minutes.
TOTAL: 193
January 6:
VERY SORE!
24 minutes of Sexy Stretches
1 hour of Pilates
12 minutes of Kendra's Kickboxing
36 minutes of Bootilicious Bod
9 minutes of Kendra's booty thing
27 minutes of burlesque something or other
15 minutes of tae bo something or other
and ran a mile.
23 minutes of Leg Slimmer Toner
32 minutes of Groove and Burn Latin
12 minutes of Urban Striptease
25 minutes of CRUNCH AssAbs
TOTAL: 275 minutes
FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF 714 MINUTES OF EXERCISE.
So, 11 hours and 54 minutes.
Some people will say "IMPOSSIBLE!" but I remind these folks that normally I work 12 hour days and this week, I only worked 6 hours all week. So, I didnt have anything to do. Oh, and that everytime I do anything "Sexy" the husband wants to watch, and I like the attention. Oh, and unless im running or jumping, I do this nekkid. But with socks and tennis shoes. I hate clothes.
So, hopefully tomorrow morning I will remember to weigh myself before I eat or drink anything.
Oh, and calorie consumption....eh one day I ate like 2500 but the rest have all been around 1500 and 1200. If I counted everything I would become obsessed with that too.
Bobi
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Miracles
A few years ago my cousin, who has Endometriosis, became pregnant with her second child just 12 years after being told she would never have children. Her first son was conceived when she was 19, and married to a man who never wanted children. They used a condom and birth control just in case. The condom broke. But she could never have children so no one worried. Her cycle was irregular so no one worried after 2 missed periods. But in November 2000 my cousin, who is more of a little brother or a nephew to me, was born. As for her second child, she wa conceived just 8 months after my cousin had part of her cervix removed. Sure she was stuck on bed rest for 4 or 5 months, but she got her second miracle baby after so many years of trying and failing.
Now for the current miracle that has had me thinking all afternoon. Congradulations to R. who has been blessed with a New Years Miracle herself. I will be saying many prayers for her and I hope you will too.
Both of these miracles make me smile, shiver, believe in God, and grasp at what little hope of a "natural" conception I may have. I instantly told my mother, father and husband about R. the moment I read my reader. Miracles are possible and one should never give up on them.
Bobi
Now for the current miracle that has had me thinking all afternoon. Congradulations to R. who has been blessed with a New Years Miracle herself. I will be saying many prayers for her and I hope you will too.
Both of these miracles make me smile, shiver, believe in God, and grasp at what little hope of a "natural" conception I may have. I instantly told my mother, father and husband about R. the moment I read my reader. Miracles are possible and one should never give up on them.
Bobi
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