Final Meal?

If you were getting your final meal before a deat sentence, how would you like it?

Me? I would need 20 days of last meals. I would eat everything I have ever limited myself on. Everything bad for me. Everything that I know will kill me the next day. That is how I like my pregnancy announcements.

In the last year atleast 20 people I knwo have announced pregnancies and I believe as of a few days ago, all of them have miscarried or given birth. Seriously, 3 miscarriages atleast 17 births I can think of off the top of my head. Oh, and just remembered 1 more who is for 4 or 5 months along.

I dread these announcements like any infertile. But, I also still have hope for myself and I try to imagine what I would do and say to other infertiles if for some reason the "just relax" method I am using right now worked. Or if after IUI (which is seeming like an impossible goal) we succeed. (I have not come to terms with IVF ever being needed, so let me ignore that topic.)

I have always figured everyone is different. But when I asked my fellow IFers (several IF friends in real life now that I have started speaking out) they all felt my theory was best.

I love babies and pregnancies, they are devine. So, I would want to know, I would feel bad if someone intentionally did not tell me because they were afraid to hurt me. I also love hearing the different stories about experiences, symptoms and funny stories.

I would want someone to tell me in a text.

Preggers: Hey, How are you?

Me: Good, just getting off work, about to eat something, shower and go to bed.

Preggers: Oh yea, I made meatloaf for dinner. I had a great day. How about you?

Me: Yea, i had a pretty damn good day myself. Why was yours so great?

Preggers: Well, I have been feeling a little iffy lately and I took a test. I am pregnant.

Me: OMG THAT IS AWESOME! SO EXCITING!

And then the conversation to end. The preggers needs to just leave it at that until I ask for more torture. And I will once I have recovered and spent some time in bed crying.

This is my last meal. I like a nice appetizer with a quick meal and NO dessert! I will ask for a hot fudge cake if I want one! And I will.

How would you like your last meal?

Bobi

I need MORE!

I thought i was done. I am not!

Aaaaannnnnnddddd HHeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeesssss BOBI!
*CUE CLAPPING*

clomid.
CLOMID.
Mother of all EVIL.

Dear Clomid,
I have been your bestie for 5 months, we have only run together 4 times, and i have to say, I loved you at first. You were so kind. Never any harsh side effects, sure a little dizzy when i drive at night for the week before ovulation, no biggie, i just get home before dark. Then May i noticed i kept getting warm. Then i realized they were hot flashes and though 'DEAR DOG IVE HIT MENOPAUSE" but after carefully reading your label i realized it was you dropping those off as presents. I survive them, just barely in June and the beginning of July when it was 100 degrees outside. Then the last half of July and most of August i had a peaceful break. But i missed you, i missed the chances and opportunities you give me, i needed a partner in the run.

So i took you on Friday. By saturday i was expecting hot flashes, and you gave me none. I started to worry, had increasing your dose made you not work? Did the pharmacist mess up?
By Sunday morning on my way home from work, i was really concerned. And downright cold, our mornings have been very chilly and i have been looking forward to those hotflashes! Then at around 10, you gave me more than i ever wanted. I immediately told the husband "SHE'S BAAAACK" and turned a fan on me. He offered to get me some ice, and i said "No, I missed this, this means something is happening." I then sat back, played some old school bomberman and relaxed.

Then an hour later i was in bed. And crying. Why? Because i am on my period. Yes, i know this happens every month or atleast 6 times a year for me. I was crying because i wanted some hubby wifey time and could not get any due to AUNT FREAKING FLO! Now normally this would not make me cry. But it did, and i told hubby it was your fault, and he said he hates you and wants you to go away. I started sobbing and he had to leave the room at my rediculousness. Seriously? I am crying over everything. I have cried 8 times today. Just 3 or 4 minute sob fests of honest depression. OVER STUPID THINGS!

So, Clomid, i ask that you please, keep giving me the hotflashes so i know that you are there, but dammit, no emotional meltdowns! The husband and I cannot handle me cryingat the drop of a hat.

Thank you,
Your Bestie,
Bobi