Last Saturday i felt the pain. Right hip, cramping, felt it both in the back and the front. I knew it was time. I had just woke up, and thought i had the day off, so i screamed for the hubby.
"It's time! It's Time! GET DOWN HERE!"
But he did not come.
So I called him, he was at my in-laws and would be home within an hour.
I showered.
I got beautified.
I brushed my teeth.
I ate a breath mint.
And he arrived.
We did everything perfect. EVERYTHING. Including me laying on my back and being careful not to cough or sneeze or anything for fear of disturbing the Olympic Swimmers. And yes, we both O'ed.
Then i relaxed on the couch switching from right to left to back hoping to get everything situated.
Then last night I had more cramping. So, we did it again just to make sure. Cramping has lasted all day today, and more than likely it was today. Lots of cervical mucous last night. So, I AM PRETTY SURE WE GOT IT!
I mean, I know i have my issues, but come on! I have to get lucky somewhere! Both times felt like ovulation, only one came with mucous (but i rarely have any) and we did everything perfect each time.
My cycles also are not very regular, sometimes i ovulate a little early, sometimes very late. Anyway, on the 25th, or 26th I will know. I work the 25th so I don't know 100% that I will test that day. It'd be a hard secret to keep all day.
Yes, I do plan to tell everyone immediately. We have kept our pain and losses a secret before and it just hurts me more, so we decided everyone will know everything within a week.
Oh, and i have hope right now. Insane amounts of it.
I am the P word. I'm sure of it.
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Bologna
Bologna is made of lots of scraps, and today that is what I'm feeding you.
Scrap*
So, i let my sister in law move in. I agreed to let her and her raccoon* move in. Into my BABY's ROOM. Why? Because I see how awful she is treated by my in-laws and thought I would try to help her one last time. I got her a job. I arranged my work schedule to get her almost 21 yr old a** her temps. I even set up a budget so she could afford to rent the teeny tiny 2 bedroom house next door in 3 months. I even risked all the raccoon diseases by allowing that thing in my house!
Then she spoke to my evil mother in law and suddenly she wanted to go home. So, i took her home. Then the next day she told my in-laws that I write on my computer about them. That I don't want my hubby to see them, that i hate them, and that i think i am better than them.
First of all, i don't believe anyone is better than anyone. I do believe that i will be a better parent, simply because i wont snort coke, i wont live in a car, i wont grow pot, i wont use coke to lose the baby weight, i wont teach my 8 yr old how to make meth, and most of all i will never tell my 16 year old son to "Take this rope and go hang yourself." Yes, that's what my FIL told my husband, and then bitched when he had to go to school to get my husband because the school had noticed the rope burn on his neck and the slits on his wrists.
Then just 3 months ago, my FIL told my sister in law the same thing. THIS FAMILY IS CRAZY!
I have already told my husband, our kids will only stay there when I am with them (my husband still struggles to stand up to them) and if they start to be anything but sweet and sober, i will put my kids in the car and keep them away. Gee is A-OKAY with this. That breaks my heart.
Now for a tidbit on my family, we are very close, we are not perfect, but we are close. I have a cousin, who has 3 kids, no fertility issues, even though several of her cousins and her sister have battled and won the infertility war. This cousin has a son, lets name him, M. She also has a father, lets name him R.
I posted on facebook, my support for building the stupid mosque in New York. I believe in freedom to sell land to whoever, and freedom of religion. Simple as that. My Uncle R got on and started saying things like "Muslims shouldn't be allowed in our country" "You should be kicked out for supporting terrorists" then a friend of mine from HS joined in, you see, her family is Muslim, she isn't, but they are. She and i pretty much explained things to my 50 something year old uncle and he just got more and more belligerent. Even striking so low as to call this friends 110 pound frame "fat." I became outraged, this is the same Uncle who previously told me to put my dog down because she is part pit bull.
It finally ended with me blocking him.
Then on the 5 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, i posted some stats on the fact that everything is not fine and dandy down there. (I wont bore you with the details) And M, who used to be one of my closest cousins, gets on and starts saying how sick and tired he is of me always complaining, how i shouldn't worry about New Orleans or Katrina because no one up here cares and those people are "stupid" for living there anyway. Yeah, i was pissed. I explained how ignorant he is, how selfish and ridiculous and how i hope he was joking.
He proceeded to say
"I am going to be the one to say it, i will play the bad guy since no one else wants to, our family is tired of hearing about your struggles, about useless fertility facts, about Muslims, Katrina, and all that other shit. Facebook is to connect and our family doesn't feel connected to you when you complain in every single post"
Which amuses me because usually my facebook is happy and upbeat and fertility, Katrina, and the Muslims are the only three things that i have mentioned that could even be perceived as negative. Then i deleted M's mother, sister, brother and aunt. Then emailed the rest of my family on facebook and learned that none of them had ever had an issue with anything i said and that they are happy to be in the know as far as fertility goes and that i have taught them a lot.
Then my friends started to read what M had said, and they all jumped to my defense, 4 of my facebook friends didn't realize they were "infertile" until i started speaking out. So far, 2 of them have gone to the doctor, and one has discovered Male Factor infertility as the culprit, and another had learned she has endometriosis and a blocked tube. The other 2 are trying different things and slowly becoming more aware and i believe plan to go to the doctor soon.
So, i felt much better, i lost part of my family, but obviously they couldn't support me anyway, so it isn't much of a loss at all. Although Uncle R has since told my 80 something year old grandmother his opinion on my struggles, and she apparently threatened to throw him over her knee if he ever mentioned my struggle again, and said that as a man with two daughters, who's wife suffered through countless miscarriages and a 10 year wait between daughter 1 and daughter 2, he should know better. (He believes that things like that shouldn't be shared, that it should remain a silent sorority, and i believe that it should be heard, loud and proud, because we will never get the support we IFers need if no one knows our struggle)
Okay that is all i have time for. So i leave you with this.
STAND STRONG MY SORORITY SISTERS, AND FIGHT, FOR THERE IS A WAR RAGING AND I WILL GO FIRST INTO BATTLE FOR ALL WOMEN WHO ARE INVOLUNTARILY CHILDLESS!
I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!
Bobi
*The raccoon was stolen from my chimney by my FIL since he wanted one. He then forced my SIL to take care of it or get out of his house, so she took care of it, fell in love, and now that she knows its illegal, she still cant let him go. He has become her baby.
Scrap*
So, i let my sister in law move in. I agreed to let her and her raccoon* move in. Into my BABY's ROOM. Why? Because I see how awful she is treated by my in-laws and thought I would try to help her one last time. I got her a job. I arranged my work schedule to get her almost 21 yr old a** her temps. I even set up a budget so she could afford to rent the teeny tiny 2 bedroom house next door in 3 months. I even risked all the raccoon diseases by allowing that thing in my house!
Then she spoke to my evil mother in law and suddenly she wanted to go home. So, i took her home. Then the next day she told my in-laws that I write on my computer about them. That I don't want my hubby to see them, that i hate them, and that i think i am better than them.
First of all, i don't believe anyone is better than anyone. I do believe that i will be a better parent, simply because i wont snort coke, i wont live in a car, i wont grow pot, i wont use coke to lose the baby weight, i wont teach my 8 yr old how to make meth, and most of all i will never tell my 16 year old son to "Take this rope and go hang yourself." Yes, that's what my FIL told my husband, and then bitched when he had to go to school to get my husband because the school had noticed the rope burn on his neck and the slits on his wrists.
Then just 3 months ago, my FIL told my sister in law the same thing. THIS FAMILY IS CRAZY!
I have already told my husband, our kids will only stay there when I am with them (my husband still struggles to stand up to them) and if they start to be anything but sweet and sober, i will put my kids in the car and keep them away. Gee is A-OKAY with this. That breaks my heart.
Now for a tidbit on my family, we are very close, we are not perfect, but we are close. I have a cousin, who has 3 kids, no fertility issues, even though several of her cousins and her sister have battled and won the infertility war. This cousin has a son, lets name him, M. She also has a father, lets name him R.
I posted on facebook, my support for building the stupid mosque in New York. I believe in freedom to sell land to whoever, and freedom of religion. Simple as that. My Uncle R got on and started saying things like "Muslims shouldn't be allowed in our country" "You should be kicked out for supporting terrorists" then a friend of mine from HS joined in, you see, her family is Muslim, she isn't, but they are. She and i pretty much explained things to my 50 something year old uncle and he just got more and more belligerent. Even striking so low as to call this friends 110 pound frame "fat." I became outraged, this is the same Uncle who previously told me to put my dog down because she is part pit bull.
It finally ended with me blocking him.
Then on the 5 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, i posted some stats on the fact that everything is not fine and dandy down there. (I wont bore you with the details) And M, who used to be one of my closest cousins, gets on and starts saying how sick and tired he is of me always complaining, how i shouldn't worry about New Orleans or Katrina because no one up here cares and those people are "stupid" for living there anyway. Yeah, i was pissed. I explained how ignorant he is, how selfish and ridiculous and how i hope he was joking.
He proceeded to say
"I am going to be the one to say it, i will play the bad guy since no one else wants to, our family is tired of hearing about your struggles, about useless fertility facts, about Muslims, Katrina, and all that other shit. Facebook is to connect and our family doesn't feel connected to you when you complain in every single post"
Which amuses me because usually my facebook is happy and upbeat and fertility, Katrina, and the Muslims are the only three things that i have mentioned that could even be perceived as negative. Then i deleted M's mother, sister, brother and aunt. Then emailed the rest of my family on facebook and learned that none of them had ever had an issue with anything i said and that they are happy to be in the know as far as fertility goes and that i have taught them a lot.
Then my friends started to read what M had said, and they all jumped to my defense, 4 of my facebook friends didn't realize they were "infertile" until i started speaking out. So far, 2 of them have gone to the doctor, and one has discovered Male Factor infertility as the culprit, and another had learned she has endometriosis and a blocked tube. The other 2 are trying different things and slowly becoming more aware and i believe plan to go to the doctor soon.
So, i felt much better, i lost part of my family, but obviously they couldn't support me anyway, so it isn't much of a loss at all. Although Uncle R has since told my 80 something year old grandmother his opinion on my struggles, and she apparently threatened to throw him over her knee if he ever mentioned my struggle again, and said that as a man with two daughters, who's wife suffered through countless miscarriages and a 10 year wait between daughter 1 and daughter 2, he should know better. (He believes that things like that shouldn't be shared, that it should remain a silent sorority, and i believe that it should be heard, loud and proud, because we will never get the support we IFers need if no one knows our struggle)
Okay that is all i have time for. So i leave you with this.
STAND STRONG MY SORORITY SISTERS, AND FIGHT, FOR THERE IS A WAR RAGING AND I WILL GO FIRST INTO BATTLE FOR ALL WOMEN WHO ARE INVOLUNTARILY CHILDLESS!
I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!
Bobi
*The raccoon was stolen from my chimney by my FIL since he wanted one. He then forced my SIL to take care of it or get out of his house, so she took care of it, fell in love, and now that she knows its illegal, she still cant let him go. He has become her baby.
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