Friday Night Leftovers

Okay I will make this short and sweet.

• My boss quit. I may end up with head teacher position.


• Almost told my boss "I am pregnant! I can't lift 20 toddlers weights 20-40 lbs 60 times in 5 minutes!" Luckily I did not. Well, she quit about an hour later any way.


• According to Gee it is okay for me to drink pepsi because "You're only like a week and half pregnant anyway"


• bite me bitch. I now officially have a makeshift placenta and a beating heart.


• Yes, that is going into the pregnancy journal.


• If he keeps this up, his child will hate him. "He is only like 3 years old." "Dad, I am in 6th grade!"


• Karma is a bitch. When I spent a weekend throwing up everything, all my pregnant friends said "It gets better." Which hey, better ot not, it is worth it. But now, those bitches are paying. Two of them are surviving on water and vitamins. And one is so sick she has not had sex in a month.


• I am a sex addict. Okay, maybe not, but if I could, I would do it every single day. We are being cautious and probably stupid, and only having sex once a week. Which means, all my weird pregnancy dreams seem to involve sex.


• Example: Gee and I are having sex and right as the big O comes, he pulled away and screamed. Then I yelled at him, and he held up a hand of our baby and said "It is out!" I woke up instantly and stripped the bed looking for our baby who apparently Gee left under the covers to die of SIDS! It took a full minute for me to realize that I have the baby. At all times.


• Pretty convinced I am farther along than I thought. Not sure how. Early ovulation? Just strange.

Thanks for visiting. I am boring and in a hurry to sleep. Sorry about that. It is kind of my thing.

Hopefully Danifred has something more interesting to discuss, even though she is on a visit to see family.

Bobi

WHOA! Jen, you and your family are in my prayers. I will pray for your little angel. I am so sorry. I always think that 12 weeks is some magic number. This reminds me that life after 12 weeks (which I have never experienced) is not always smooth sailing. Jen, Bless you for your strength.

Goodness! I need to post more. I am soooo sorry. I promise, I will update atleast once a week. Cross my Heart.

I drink 200 ounces of water a day, that is just water, I also drink milk, and sprite throughout my day. I pee every 2 hours. I seriously cannot survive without a bottle of water.

Gee is a butt. Seriously, I understand he does not want to get his hopes up, but pick up a book! I am not lying when I say that I cant make dinner because the raw meat will make me hurl. I am not lying when I say that I will cut you if you eat my breakfast again.

Last night I sat my breakfast (rolls from texas roadhouse) in the microwave. I planned to eat 1 roll and toss in a breakfast link and walk out the door at 720 am. Instead, at 716 my husband says he ate my roll and all the breakfast links, and I start to panic. I have about 20 minutes before the hurling will begin if I do not get something besides water and tums into my stomach. So, I drive to the gas station (going 50 in a 35 so I wont be late) and get some stupid peanut butter crackers, and eat them on my way to work. Then I realize one of my toddlers has a peanut butter allergy. And I have it on my hands and I cant get it out of my mouth. So, I have to waste an entire bottle of water gargling, chew a nasty old piece of gum, and scrub my hands, all before I can go into my room. Now do you see why I am going to cut him?

So when I explained why breakfast is so important, he said "The baby doesnt know if you dont eat! You'll be fine."

IT IS NOT TH BABY! IT IS THE HORMONES THE BABY IS CAUSING DIPWAD!

Essentially I have solved all morning sickness issues. I drink a bottle of water when I get up as I swallow 2 tums. Then I get ready and eat my breakfast as I walk out the door. When I get to work, within an hour it is snack time, so I snack. Then I eat lunch at work. It is healthy toddler food, so I get alot of fruit and veggies. Then 2 hours later it is snack again, so I snack. This small toddler portion every 2 hours or so works great! Then I work 4 hours, and the moment I get to my car, I snack on something else. Then I come home, eat something quick, easy and not involving raw meat, and I go to bed.

This weekend was a test. There is not enough food in my house that does not involve raw meat. So, I ate taco bell and a mcdonalds milkshake. This goes against all my eating principles. But it was good. Sometimes you have to eat some crap in order to survive right?

We are having all kinds of drama with insurance. I think it has been settled, I will be going on Gee's insurance. I just hope I can get enrolled in time for my doctor's appointment. Also, thyroid issues, the last time I actually made it to a doctor before I miscarried, I was told to stop my thyroid medication because I was producing enough during pregnancy. Well, I hope it is the same this time because I kind of slacked and forgot to order my thyroid pills before my insurance ran out. And since I am due to see my doctor again, I can't get him to order me any until he sees me. And he can't see me until June. Even after I told him I am pregnant. So, I looked in my pregnancy book and it said I should take them, but that undiagnosed hypothyroidism has been linked to lower IQ scores but no studies have been sure if that was the exact cause. SO? Am I okay? I figure, Gee has a very mild aspergers, so his IQ is out of this world, but his social skills suck. I have a slightly above average IQ but my social skills annoy the crap out of Gee (aka theyre fine) so I am fine right? I promise I will drink some OJ right now (even though I currently detest OJ) and make sure I pop some DHA. Worse comes to Worst, my obgyn will come up with a solution and everything will be fine. (I am putting myself in a total bubble here and not stressing about anything can you tell?)

Also, all my toddlies (as I mentally call them) are sick. The cough almost sounds like croup and theyre taking turns running a 101ish fever. I sent a few home today. After they coughed, sneezed, and sweat all over me with their little sad sicky poo faces! (I am a sucker for a sick crabby child. I held a 32 pounder for an hour just so she could nap until her mother got there.)

Anywho, I should eat something.

OH! Congratulations SARAH!

And Jen!



Bobi

Why Herbal is Better

I have been taking Dong Quoi, Evening Primrose Oil and Black Cohosh. What did they get me? Cramps, vomiting, headaches, etc. Why?



Prayers welcome.

Bobi

Sorry!

Sorry I missed Friday Night Leftovers.

I almost did Friday Morning Leftovers but I figured I would need something to do after Gee went to work.

I didn't.

I finally got a slip signed by a doctor for work! They needed a doctor to sign that I had a physical, did not have TB and had my childhood immunizations. I thought the doctor who did my physical and tb test would sign it. I was wrong. Because he does not have a record of my childhood vaccines he refused to sign. So I had to bring the results of my physical and tb test to my family doctor and have him sign the sheet. It was a mess that meant I had to drive over 250 miles just for a piece of freaking paper.

Then yesterday, I was sick. It all started Thursday. I had hip pain. I seriously felt like someone had grabbed each of my hips and were pulling them in opposite directions. It felt awful. I seriously could do nothing but deal with it. Tylenol did not help and I am still in my 2ww. I was going to buy a test Thursday, but I could barely move, so I slept all damn day.
Then I woke up around 430 pm and had to clean and mope around, still in pain. So i stayed up all night so that I could get to my doctors bright and early and get the slip signed. Well around 7 a I started feeling a bit off. Then I drank some sprite and my coffee. Then at around 715 I ran to the bathroom. Needless to say, and Gee came home he heard

"blahhhhhhh"

He did not appreciate it. I proceeded to throw up 4 more times in the course of getting to the doctor and having him sign this sheet. Then got home, and went to bed. I thought I would sleep all day again, but I was wrong, I woke up around 230, went to have dinner with my mom (pickles on an upset stomach are not a good idea), went to my uncles, and noticed a rash.
I had a blotchy weird looking rash on my arm. I had no idea where it came from. So I headed home. You know, just in case I had the rash and puking disease or something.

I sent a picture of the rash to a friend of mine who is a nurse. She was stumped. She said it could be heat rash, but since I couldn't even feel the rash, even if I put a cool wash cloth on it, and it stayed for over 3 hours, she was unsure. So, I told Gee around 830 that I just wanted to go to bed. So I did. And I slept beautifully. From 930-630. A normal person's sleep schedule. So beautiful.

Now I am having back pain! I have changed chairs 3 times. The dining room chair I always use hurt my upper back (it sits too high for the table my laptop is on) the ottoman was too low and hurt my shoulders, and so I climbed up and stole Gee's giant office chair. Carrying this thing down the stairs is almost as hard as it was carrying it up. It is taller than me!

Overall though, I feel much better today, which is sad because I wanted to use this sickness to get out of a trip to the INLAWS! Yikes!

Today is also my sister's 17th birthday. She is spending it with abusive jerkface ken doll. (This is what I think I want to call him, he looks like ken, but has an abusive streak that I know barbie would not have put up with)

It is also my FIL's birthday. Our best married friend's birthday. (We have best friends, but then we have the best married friends. We see them a lot more and can relate better.) And my mortal enemy from elementary school's birthday. Never liked her.

Gee just came downstairs and upon listening to me explain the chair fiasco, he called me Goldilocks and then informed me that in his story, the Bear comes home and eats Goldilocks. He said:
"Num num numn num num"

Then I told him to slow down so I could record this for all of you. He then said "You just think you're so darn cute" and proceeded to disgust me with his distaste for doing dishes.

As I read all of that to him, he tried to put a metal bowl into the microwave, and luckily I noticed and called him out on it. He said he had done it before, and we didn't die then so it is fine. So, I put his food into a gladware thing and have decided my husband is not mature enough for metal bowls. So, I guess my mother will be getting some.

Are your husbands this stupid?

I hope they are not.

Also, on the little sister front, my sister is obviously still with this guy, and his sister, who I previously called ASIL, has come to realize he has anger issues. I spent a good part of Wednesday with her. We even found a sign explaining the cycle of abuse. I said abusive jerkface ken doll was at the remorseful stage where he apologizes profusely and vows it will never happen again. ASIL said that the arguing and escalation has already begun. We give it till next weekend. So, I have a week to learn how to handle it if it is worse. What if he hits my sister?

Normally my first instinct is murder and visions of a jail cell. So I need to start preparing myself now. I think I will just call the police, even if my sister asks me not to. ASIL has already said that if she is around when it happens, she will have no choice but to call the police on her own brother. I respect her very much for even being able to make that statement, but I will respect her even more if she can follow through.

I am extremely protective of my step siblings. I am extremely concerned for what this guy can do. My sister is the queen of football. She played with my brother, step dad and the entire neighborhood for most of her life. She has whooped some seriously tush, and has even been in a few fights on the field. (She once tackled our cousin too hard and he started screaming and hitting and kicking her. She took it like a champ and just threw him away from her. She was 12, he was 10.) I know she could fight back, and possibly win, this kid is a year older, he is not even fully grown, and he has long hair and earrings. If he attacked me, I would just go for the earrings. She just takes his yelling, but will she just take it if he hits her?

Also, my step father has decided that "This is just how some people argue." My response? "Some people argue and then kill each other too, do we just ignore that?" Everyone just said "Oh he could never do that! He has a heart of gold." I am sorry but if you can tell someone how worthless they are, and you try to control ever aspect on their life, if they suddenly stop listening or make you mad, what are you going to do? You will hit them, and Gee spent hours explaining to my sister how amazing she is and how she does not deserve this. If that pep talk worked, she may not sit back and take his yelling. Then what?

I am so stressed about this. Gee just keep reminding me that there is nothing I can do. I have to let her make the decision and I can only be there to support her. That I can only help her if she asks. That is hard. I liked it better when they were kids and I could step in and speak to the other kid, or the parent. (Their dad worked late and I usually dealt with the issues after school until he got home. My mom just didn't feel like a true parent to the kids for a long time.) How do I deal with it when I have to let go?

Anywho, I must change this subject because I could talk about it all day. Trust me.

Food. I love it. You love it. It is good for us. It is bad for us. I want to talk about food. I want a regular post about food.

My most recent food challenge? Stroganoff with no msg. I succeeded and found a gluten free, msg free, organic, beef broth and mushroom broth, combined with some flour and heavy cream, I replicated Campbell's golden mushroom. I also made my own cream of onion. The stroganoff was great. It was a tad bit runny at first but with time the sauce thickened a bit more.

I do not measure, I just know, but here is the recipe:

1 roast of some sort
1 bag of egg noodles
1 8 ounceish container of cream of onion
1 onion diced
1/2 container of beef broth
1/2 container of mushroom broth
1/2 cup of flour
1 packet cream cheese
1 container sour cream

You put the roast in a crock pot. Or I guess you special people can use an oven. Boil the broths with the flour and then once mixed correctly, pour over the roast, and cook with the cream of onion.

Then after the roast is cooked enough to be falling apart (I do mine on low 14-16 hours) add the sour cream and cream cheese straight into the crock pot or container. If you cut up the cream cheese, it should take another 20 minutes for it to melt and then you mix it up.

Then you take your boiled noodles, and pour those into the crock pot (or combine them in a stock pot if you want) and mix. It is amazing.


My other food challenge, I bought way too many strawberries. So I added them to everything this week. I used an entire carton of strawberries on bagels. I toasted the bagel (cinnamon raisin) and then put cream cheese on it and sliced the strawberries and tossed them on top. It was amazing. How have I never tried this before?

What are some of your food challenges?

Bobi

The Crying Post

I am crying as I write this so bear with me.

I took Gee job hunting all day today. We called my Uncle G who retired 4 years ago from a wonderful company that he and 3 other family members either work at or have worked at. He agreed to let us "name drop". So he did. They seemed interested and were actually reading his resume as he left instead of just shoving it in a pile.

When he got in the car he had a friend calling him, so he answered, but I didnt see. And very LOUDLY I said

"If you get this job, I will go get IUI immediately and you can get your new truck if it can fit a carseat!"

Then he said "Oh, hey A"

And A must have asked about what I said, because Gee went on to explain IUI, then IVF, (in terms of "I cum into a cup, they wash the semen so its only sperm swimming around") then what exactly is wrong with us. Okay, me.


A's brother, Big A shall be his name, is close to me so he has heard little bits and pieces, but he is like 19 and oblivious to the world, but A is our future Pastor, he is studying environmental science but has dreams of one day sharing his love of God. So, let the tears fall, Gee put him on speaker and A gave me such a wonderful and inspirational speech that I felt like I could seriously turn around, look in the backseat and their would be a baby.

there wasnt. I checked.

Then Gee talked a little more about it, and his voice started to crack, and his face turned red, and I realized, my husband, who I have only seen cry 2 times, was fighting to hold back tears.


AWFUL! I feel AWFUL! My body is the failure, my body is the reason we do not have a child. Why must HE suffer. He is a wonderful man who loves a woman who has a failure of a body! He does not deserve this!


Then his song came on and I remembered, he did not marry me for children. He married me for me.

Here is his song. It is actually about Rob Thomas's wife who has an autoimmune disorder.



Beautiful.




Bobi

I am Still Here

I am still alive and well. My new phone will not let me post or comment from it! I am going to see if there is a blogger app or anything I can do to rectify this because I need to be able to comment!

Cleaning job is awesome, but I am leaving it. Why? The preschool/daycare, put me in the toddler room and watched how I interacted with the crazy kids and they loved it. So, they want me fulltime. I would make more money cleaning, but who can turn down toddlers?

That is actually what Gee said when I called him. I said "Honey, what should I do?" and he said "Well, I would love to tell you to go with the money, but I know you cannot walk away from toddlers. Eighteen to Twenty-Four months is your favorite age and they are offering you exactly what you want." He knows me well.

Last night I went bowling with my family and invited my favorite employee, lets call her ASIL, for almost-sister-in-law, since she is my sister's fiance's sister. It is a stretch, but I love her so much I will adopt her into the family. She informed me that my replacement, has left the building. She said one of my consumers chased her out of the building screaming that he wanted me. She put in her 2 weeks within minutes. She didnt even make it out of training. Then after bowling, ASIL went to buy a pregnancy test.
Did I say how i was mentally able to count days for a broken condom incident for a friend, and determined that on day 20 of her cycle, she wouldnt be pregnant? And it only took me a minute? Well, she was 3 days late today, and tested.

I informed her last night that if it were positive, and her I-dont-want-babies-until-I-am-thirtysomething-self got pregnant, I would cry like a freaking baby. She said she would cry too. We laughed it off and thought nothing of it.

This is the text I woke up to:

:'(

I sent:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

She sent: I am losing my mind.

I sent: Me too!

And then I realized she had no one besides her boyfriend and needed a big sisterly or motherly approach and I went into high gear. I went prenatal shopping, gave her my bottle of folic acid, set her up with "What to expect" and a babydotcom account, and opened her developmental disability book and showed her how a fetus develops and how the drink I gave her on day 22 of her cycle will probably not cause long term issues. Then we made a plan, who to tell and when. I helped her make a list of doctors to call (Her mother died when she was 11 and she has had alot of on again off again depression since then) and medicine not to take until she gets the okay from her doctor. Then I got her excited. I talked about how much she loves children, how this is an adventure and she has been given such a wonderful gift and opportunity. I even said how her mother is probably looking down and is so happy for this blessing. Then I hugged my friend and left her.


AND I:


:'(

Cried


But I will make the best of this. I am now the only person in my close group of friends who is not pregnant. Or has a child already. This includes my infertile friends.

I feel lost and alone in this big cruel world. Gee has been taking this cycle very seriously. He has been coming home, getting some food, and having sex with my sleeping body. Yep, because I have to be up at 8 am when I work and the every other day has fallen on my days off. So, sleep sex! It sucks, and I feel bad, but it isnt about feeling good dammit it is about pumping babies!

I noticed, right after Gee left for work Friday night, that I had cervical mucous! It was stretchy. And thick. I had some minor cramps that day but I thought it was sore muscles from working so hard. Then I did some math, realized it was day 12, and called George. He was due to have sexual relations with me Saturday morning anyway, but now he knew to hurry and push in all the way. So, he did. Lets hope it works. I am taking evening primrose, black cohosh, dong quoi, and mucinex. No clomid. I forgot about it in my effort to go all herbal.

Anywho, I have to get Gee up for work.

Bobi

Happy 50TH!

HAPPY 50TH POST!

Eh, not so happy really. Job is great, next Monday I start at the preschool.
Not so great, our taxes. I forgot that this year we have to pay back our Home Buyer's credit. Which is $500. That still means we get a bit back right? WRONG.
Gee's work did not take out any school taxes. So, we owed them a lot. After all is said and done, we owe $150.
I have only owed once before, and that was $18000 from inheritance. This seriously sucks. I would have been happy with breaking even, but paying is just not acceptable. And for the third year in a row I was told "Better start making those little tax deductions" I HAVE BEEN TRYING! Cant I add up that in the last year I have had 2 miscarriages, add them up, which is 14 weeks or so, and claim them for 14 weeks? Or can I just get credit for trying? My best friend has two children, she told me her return.....wait for it...

wait for it......










$7591!!!!!!!!!

I would take 1/100 of that.

Damn babies. I only have a month to get knocked up in order to get one for next year. I am willing to bet $2000 that it will not happen. Any takers?

Oh, and my last infertile real life friend, is pregnant.

I am SO LONELY!




Not my normal musical preference, but dammit, I am So Lonely.


Bobi

A Tale of Two Text Messages.

Wednesday morning i woke up, went to the bathroom, got ready and went to my employees house. Then I used her bathroom and went to work. Then i sat all giddy and giddy and happy at work. Then i felt wet and went to the bathroom and proceeded to walk through the rest of my day as a zombie until i got to my car and called my doctor. Why? Let me explain.

Last Wednesday I started spotting. Then stopped. Then started. Then stopped again on Friday and didn't bleed after that. Seeing how i was on day 49 of my cycle i was eagerly anticipating a period. So, Wednesday morning, a week after the spotting started, i went to my employee's house and used one of her pregnancy tests. (She is pregnant but had 2 or 3 leftovers from failed cycles) It was positive. So at 2 pm i left her house, grabbed a bite to eat and went to work at 3. Super excited. And plotting one of the many ways to tell Gee.

I worked and smiled all day.

Then around 10 I felt wet. And I went to the bathroom. And i had bright red blood. And immediately upon seeing it, i started cramping. Luckily i had black pants on, so i faked it for an hour and then ran to my car, and paged my doctor.

So, that night, i sent out two text messages. The first:

I'M PREGNANT!

The second:

And I'm 99.9% sure I'm miscarrying.

And i was right.


But when i went to the doctor, the nurse tried to tell me that it is possible to get a false positive right before a period. I questioned this saying "Unless I'm taking something that boosts my hcg there shouldn't be. It wasn't an evaporation line, and i haven't recently given birth." And she made a face and left.

So i came home and googled like a mofo and yea, I'm right. I am a little frustrated that the nurse assumed i was a dumb ass and tried to tell me what i wanted to hear. So, here is to you Leslie, may God grant you all your wishes in regards to children and may someone kick you in the head.

Bobi

I lied.

I lied.
Not Pregnant.
Was so sure.
Very angry.
Very sad.

So i had implantation bleeding and my period didn't even come until after my normal 40 day cycle. And it lasted extra long. So I called my doctor and explained everything.

She said it sounds like a chemical pregnancy.

I never even mentioned it to Gee because well, lets face it, we didn't know. We still don't know for sure. I didn't test until I started bleeding. (i had been so sure that i didn't even test and then when i started bleeding i tested just to make sure.)

So, I am not counting it. It saves my sanity.

Since the last post, which was awhile ago, i have been promoted. And now work constantly. And Gee is going back to school and so am i. I think things are calm. I am not taking clomid. I just cant right now. The side effects were so bad last time that this month i needed a break. And with the new job, i cant be an emotional hot flashing nut job. At least not until things calm down.

I got my tarot cards read. I'm going to have 3 or 4 kids and be moderate financially, not rich but not poor. Oh, and in the next 5 years Gee and i will fall more and more in love.

Now those 3 or 4 kids? She sees a little boy coming up soon, but my "children card" didn't come up for 3 or so years. Soooooo, do i just become very attached to a little boy who i think of as mine or do i have a little boy and just don't have another one for 3 or so years? I don't know that i even believe in this stuff but she knew i was going back to school, that before i met Gee my life was in shambles, and that when we unite we are so strong no one can take us down. And that i was getting promoted.
Then when she read my boss's she knew that my boss had miscarried, she knew that it was stress, she knew that her husband was her rock but things have been turbulent, and that she was quitting. Which is true since my boss is no longer my boss. I took her spot.

Either way, it cost $5 and the money went to charity.

I THINK WE DID IT!

Last Saturday i felt the pain. Right hip, cramping, felt it both in the back and the front. I knew it was time. I had just woke up, and thought i had the day off, so i screamed for the hubby.
"It's time! It's Time! GET DOWN HERE!"
But he did not come.
So I called him, he was at my in-laws and would be home within an hour.
I showered.
I got beautified.
I brushed my teeth.
I ate a breath mint.
And he arrived.
We did everything perfect. EVERYTHING. Including me laying on my back and being careful not to cough or sneeze or anything for fear of disturbing the Olympic Swimmers. And yes, we both O'ed.

Then i relaxed on the couch switching from right to left to back hoping to get everything situated.

Then last night I had more cramping. So, we did it again just to make sure. Cramping has lasted all day today, and more than likely it was today. Lots of cervical mucous last night. So, I AM PRETTY SURE WE GOT IT!
I mean, I know i have my issues, but come on! I have to get lucky somewhere! Both times felt like ovulation, only one came with mucous (but i rarely have any) and we did everything perfect each time.

My cycles also are not very regular, sometimes i ovulate a little early, sometimes very late. Anyway, on the 25th, or 26th I will know. I work the 25th so I don't know 100% that I will test that day. It'd be a hard secret to keep all day.

Yes, I do plan to tell everyone immediately. We have kept our pain and losses a secret before and it just hurts me more, so we decided everyone will know everything within a week.

Oh, and i have hope right now. Insane amounts of it.

I am the P word. I'm sure of it.