Friday Night Leftovers the Oh! Yeah! Hi! Edition

Sorry. It has been a long time. I apologize. I have been commenting and leaving little tidbits there. So, you all should know I am alive.

I guess my radio silence started after a friend, lets call her Klee, had the idea to start a blog. I gave her the links to a few friends, including Jen. Jen had just suffered a loss and is always such a great blogger that I thought she would be one of the top 3 blogs to recommend.

I did not realize that Klee's friend Carol was 9 months pregnant, had no life, and was a stalker of sorts. By reading the comments on Jen's loss and the story I told to try and distract her while she waited for Luke, Carol and Klee found me. I had stressed just how much I did not want to be found. I have let my sister, and my friend Katie read this blog. That is it. Not even Gee.

This is my one place to be free. To say what I want. To shout from the mountain. I like it private. I like it safe. I like to know that I can say "So and so cheated on their pregnant girlfriend." and no one will know who I am talking about!

If BBBB ever came accross this blog, she would either A) Kill herself B) Sue me C) Apologize. I only like one of those options and it is the least likely. I like things private. Klee and Carol are also on my facebook discussing pregnancy every day. They discuss it with people who I discuss on here all the time. Hell, I am pretty damn sure I have bitched about both Klee and Carol on here many times. But that is why THIS IS MY SPACE!

So, I had debated on going to invite only. But I like new people coming in. Then I find their blogs and read them, and I feel more of a member of the community. I debated on switching to a different blog and just shooting an email out to a few people telling them where to go. But if Carol ever gets bored again (her newborn apparently is a great sleeper), I will have the same issue.

My mind has been over stressed, over anxious, over worked, just thinking about how much I wanted to blog. But these two people ruined it for me. They ruined the one free place I had. Something all my own.

I will not stand for it. So until I come up with a better option, I will continue blogging, and if Carol and Klee read, that is fine, but I will never discuss my blog with them. If they comment, I will not answer. In RL if they mention it, I will probably snap, and then refuse to answer. This is my private space.

Oh, and if either one of them piss me off to the point where I have to tell someone, Yep, you guessed it, I will come here. And I will say what I want. They crossed a boundary that I had clearly set, and if they get hurt, I can honestly say, I will not feel bad.

Now on to

LEFTOVERS!

• I am actually farther along than they believed. My period started on 2-7-11 but I ovulated on 2-14 to 2-17. Ultrasound will determine just how far, but I am guessing 9wk6d.


• I felt "quickening" and nearly shit my pants. I never expected that. It has nly happened twice and only when I am laying on my stomach.


• Went to the midwife. Gee freaked out. He can't handle the idea of no hospital, no Doctor, etc. So, we compromised. I will be going to a group. One OB (my first male ob) who works with 4 or 5 midwives. The midwives do everything, but the OB is there for emergencies and such. I will be giving birth ina hospital. Only one in our area offers waterbirth and these midwives highly recommend it. First appointment on the 18th!


• I want to take Bradley Method birthing classes. Gee doesn't understand this.


• I love my job.


• Gee is holding a lot of reservations and is afraid of this pregnancy. He has only mentioned it once without a prompt.


• Gee also does not believe in cravings, hormones or eating to avoid morning sickness. Bitch ate my roll. I had big plans for that roll. Had to eat peanut butter toast with no milk and it made me throw up! Too dry!


• Spent $60 in 3 days just to satisfy cravings. Never again.


• Can't poop.

Anywho, go check out Danifred who I am sure can poop.

Bobi

Happy 50TH!

HAPPY 50TH POST!

Eh, not so happy really. Job is great, next Monday I start at the preschool.
Not so great, our taxes. I forgot that this year we have to pay back our Home Buyer's credit. Which is $500. That still means we get a bit back right? WRONG.
Gee's work did not take out any school taxes. So, we owed them a lot. After all is said and done, we owe $150.
I have only owed once before, and that was $18000 from inheritance. This seriously sucks. I would have been happy with breaking even, but paying is just not acceptable. And for the third year in a row I was told "Better start making those little tax deductions" I HAVE BEEN TRYING! Cant I add up that in the last year I have had 2 miscarriages, add them up, which is 14 weeks or so, and claim them for 14 weeks? Or can I just get credit for trying? My best friend has two children, she told me her return.....wait for it...

wait for it......










$7591!!!!!!!!!

I would take 1/100 of that.

Damn babies. I only have a month to get knocked up in order to get one for next year. I am willing to bet $2000 that it will not happen. Any takers?

Oh, and my last infertile real life friend, is pregnant.

I am SO LONELY!




Not my normal musical preference, but dammit, I am So Lonely.


Bobi

HELP WANTED!

And needed.

So, Wednesday will be 7 weeks since the miscarriage. I still have not bled. A friend of mine (old boss who is now pregnant!*) had an extra test. She took a test on my birthday and it was positive at like 11 at night after eating and drinking all day. I informed her that I would rather wait, but I hadn't peed all day, so I said what the hell.

BFN

But I am not taking it too serious. But I am also not getting my hopes up. Plus, from what the wise interwebs have told me, my uterine lining will be thinner since the miscarriage and it can take several cycles to get back to normal.

If I have not bled, Friday morning I am making Gee bring home a test for me to urinate on. I find myself urinating on a lot of sticks these days.

On a lighter note, my employee who bleeds every 28 days, and for 3 or 4 days each time, (she says she always starts after 1 pm but before 8 pm, how ODD?) had a condom break. She said she has been a wreck all weekend over it. But I am a smart cookie so I set off to do some math. If your first day of your last period was the 10th, and you had sex on the 28th, you are not pregnant. I know this because, I am a SMART COOKIE!

Oh, and BBBB will not be sued. Just because PregnantEmployee is doing her stna classes anyway, and is out of there after her maternity leave anyway. (She worked 72 hours last week and has realized why I hate my job. I love her now) (and no I didn't schedule her for that, she picked up 30 hours. I am not that mean)





*Old Boss became pregnant thanks to Doctor WONDERFUL! I am looking into him. He had a consultation with her in November, and looked at the blood work her old OBGYN ordered, and said "This test, this test, this test, and this test, are useless." She still had them done, and went back to her old OBGYN and they said "Everything is fine, you need IUI" So, they provided her with no reason for her miscarriage but said she needed IUI. She wanted a second opinion so she had ANOTHER FREE consultation with Dr. WONDERFUL and he informed her that her B6 is very low, that she has a chromosomal abnormality causing that, and that she does not need IUI as of yet. She took some vitamins and minerals, and BAM! She is pregnant within 3 weeks! They check her progesterone, she needed some. She has taken some. She is 9 weeks. FARTHER THAN SHE HAS EVER MADE IT! Very proud of her. And Dr. Wonderful!


Bobi

I am a witch in love.

Okay the witch part. I feel so awful for thinking this so I just have to confess my sins.

My big big big boss is pregnant with her second.
We shall call her BBBB.
She announced her pregnancy in a work news letter that she sent out on Christmas Eve!
Meaning 9 days after I called her crying and told her I would not make it to my monthly meeting of assholes. Yes, I explained why. She said "It is okay I understand, have a day or two to relax."

Bitch.

I believe that the reason i miscarried may have something to do with my issues medically. But i also believe that someone is much more likely to miscarry if every morning at 9 am they have 4 voice mails of "Bobi, call me immediately there is an emergency"

And then Bobi calls and finds out that the emergency is that one of my staff members missed a box on their documentation. CALL THAT STAFF MEMBER! Not me. I know nothing about all of that since it is not my job to know.

But Thanks for the heart attack.

Or the meeting I had 3 days before where I was told I was responsible for fixing all of my last 4 bosses mistakes. (Which I still havent fixed because I cant fix 3 years worth of mistakes in a month. Nope. Cant.)

This boss is newer than I am and was only hired in because she is the high school BFF of the other 7 big bosses. Yes, I have 8 people, who do NOT communicate at all, (Well at least not about work related things) who call me constantly and bitch at me for their misunderstandings and their lack communication.

Yes, BBBB my paperwork is late. Why? Because I am locked out of my office (who is also someone else's home) because you promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out. Fix it.

3 days later

Yes, other boss, I am locked out of my office because BBBB promised to send my consumer something, and failed. So in their anger, they have locked me out for the last 3 days. Didn't BBBB tell you that after I informed her?

"No she didn't. You should have personally called me!"

"But BBBB said she personally would tell you." And then other boss hangs up and BBBB yells at me for "tattling".

Yes, this IS the immature company I am working for.

Anywho, BBBB is pregnant and heartless. I have noticed she is missing work quite a bit. (Mind you I cant get off work to see my husband for more than 10 minutes a week and had to pull 4 different favors to get off when I had a temp of 103.7 2 days ago) And each time I find myself thinking"maybe she will miscarry and finally know what it feels like!"
Maybe this is because I know she announced her pregnancy the day she found out, or maybe it if just empty oven envy, but I feel awful for thinking it. But my coworkers agree.

Of the last 4 people in my position at work, 3 of them have miscarried. And ultimately, that is why they left. All of my coworkers know this. So, every time BBBB misses work, someone says "maybe it is her turn." or "i wonder if its the baby."

I just feel like an apology is owed, or some common courtesy or something!



Now for the Love.

Does anyone else look at their husband and think

OH EM GEE! THAT IS MINE! How did I get so lucky?

Because I get that feeling at least twice a week. I love him.

Bobi

Goodbye

2010
January-Finally over h1n1
February-Miscarried. Watched a woman I took care of die. Mental Breakdown
March-Watched the woman who truly taught me how to mother someone die. She had downs syndrome.
April-Lost my job due to medical issues BFN
May-started learning about blogs. Another woman I took care of died BFN
June-One year wedding anniversary. BFN Found out Grandpa was dying. Got new job
July-Grandpa died. Loved new job. BFN
August-hated new job. BFN
September-started working under new boss. Found out she was pregnant. She miscarried. BFN
October-Vacay. Got promotion. New boss, who by then was my bets friend quit. BFN
November-hated job. BFN at beginning of month. got employee from hell. 2 year anniversary of ttc
December-BFP red blood 9 hours later, totally gone by next morning. Had birthday. Old boss told me she is pregnant. Very happy for her, but cant stand how jealous i am. Big Big Boss lady goes over the fact that i missed 3 days for my miscarriage and in the same phone call tells me she is pregnant. With number 2. Bite me Hoebag!

So to sum it all up, I will not miss you 2010. You were the year from HELL!

But, as one of the developmentally delayed gentlemen i cared for always said "G'God, I am lookin' up"

So here is to 2011! May it bring baby dust to all, and forever be known as the year I got my baby. God Bless Everyone and may all your hopes and dreams for 2011 come true!




Bobi

A Tale of Two Text Messages.

Wednesday morning i woke up, went to the bathroom, got ready and went to my employees house. Then I used her bathroom and went to work. Then i sat all giddy and giddy and happy at work. Then i felt wet and went to the bathroom and proceeded to walk through the rest of my day as a zombie until i got to my car and called my doctor. Why? Let me explain.

Last Wednesday I started spotting. Then stopped. Then started. Then stopped again on Friday and didn't bleed after that. Seeing how i was on day 49 of my cycle i was eagerly anticipating a period. So, Wednesday morning, a week after the spotting started, i went to my employee's house and used one of her pregnancy tests. (She is pregnant but had 2 or 3 leftovers from failed cycles) It was positive. So at 2 pm i left her house, grabbed a bite to eat and went to work at 3. Super excited. And plotting one of the many ways to tell Gee.

I worked and smiled all day.

Then around 10 I felt wet. And I went to the bathroom. And i had bright red blood. And immediately upon seeing it, i started cramping. Luckily i had black pants on, so i faked it for an hour and then ran to my car, and paged my doctor.

So, that night, i sent out two text messages. The first:

I'M PREGNANT!

The second:

And I'm 99.9% sure I'm miscarrying.

And i was right.


But when i went to the doctor, the nurse tried to tell me that it is possible to get a false positive right before a period. I questioned this saying "Unless I'm taking something that boosts my hcg there shouldn't be. It wasn't an evaporation line, and i haven't recently given birth." And she made a face and left.

So i came home and googled like a mofo and yea, I'm right. I am a little frustrated that the nurse assumed i was a dumb ass and tried to tell me what i wanted to hear. So, here is to you Leslie, may God grant you all your wishes in regards to children and may someone kick you in the head.

Bobi

My Boss

MyBoss is pregnant. I was hurt and insulted by that. Then she confided that it took her two years to get pregnant. I was happy, and elated for her success. She had a happy ending to the infertility struggle that we fight everyday. I was capable of being happy for her.

Until Wednesday.

On Wednesday as i went to go into work i found out my boss had miscarried. After work she noticed blood monday night, went to the hospital and they did a pregnancy test, it said she was still pregnant, and they put her on bed rest. She finally asked what her HCG level was, and they said 70! She is supposed to be closing in on her 9th week!

She knew then that she was losing the baby. She got home and within a few hours felt everything come out. She did the only rational thing she could think of, she grabbed some gloves, stuck her hand n the toilet and took it to the hospital. They wouldnt take it. So she took it to her doctor, he wont take it, he hadnt even been told she had miscarried and spent 2 minutes trying to find a heartbeat before my boss finally told the guy "Didnt you read what the hospital sent you you dumbfuck my hcg level was at 70 IM NOT PREGNANT!"

She is straight forward, i like that. She is dealing with it well in front of people, and im so honored that she is so honest about everything. Her husband has been dealing with it but not well. I think men forget that pregnancy isnt a guarantee, it can be only temporary.

I guess i feel closer to my boss now. She even changed my work schedule so i can avoid any hazards during my two week wait, she said "Better safe than sorry" Did i mention i love her?