12w4d

I am technically only 12w3d but dammit, I have an hour!

I promise I will scan our next Ultrasound picture.

I have been gone for awhile due to exhaustion and timing and just enjoying this gift.

I had very easy to control morning sickness until about 9 weeks when BAM! I lost control. It was a rough 18 days of vomit. But I have felt better since. I caught te flu. The doctor told me I could throw everything up for 12 hours but after that, I had best get my butt to the ER. So, just an hour shy of 12 hours, I ate 2 bites of Gee's bagel, had 2 sips of water and went to bed. TADA! I survived and woke up to eat a whole bagel and then 2 hours later a pizza. I made half an extra large pizza last 8 hours because more than 1 piece at a time will KILL my stomach.

I finally realized how to poop. It comes like clock work. Three small pebbles every hour for 3 hours. Apparently that is fine. I had been nervous about showing my ultrasound picture to people because I am convinced you can tell how full of shit I am in it. I only know what the uterus is and what the baby is in it (It was taken at like 10 weeks 4 days) and all that other stuff could be poop as far as I know.

Either way, tomorrow my MIL is getting a framed picture of it for her birthday. And for 's Mother's Day the two Great Grandmother's, and Two Grandmother's are getting framed pictures of the Ultrasound we will be getting Monday.

Yay!

I no longer think I am having a boy. I think I am having a stroller. I dream about my stroller. It is the only thing I can for sure picture in my head. I see a mass of blankets inside of it and that is it. And bitches better stop stealing my stroller in my dreams because I wake up in a panic.

My dream last night was awful. My MIL (in my dream) bought us a wicker pink and white bassinet. It was beautiful. Then she died. My MIL. We were comforting my FIL when suddenly he decided he needed money and wanted to pawn my bassinet. So Gee and I chased him trying to stop him but Gee ended up being too afraid to stand up to his father about it. Then Gee woke me up and when I shared this dream he asked me to never share it again. AKA do not tell anyone how much of a jerk his father is. Because his dad really would do that if a bassinet were worth pawning.

We have done nothing. The plan was that by this weekend the house would be cleaned and organized and the nursery would be empty of everything besides a crib. The nursery is packed full of things that need to be organized and stored in the attic or given away or sold at a garage sale. The house is at it's worst ever. Doing dishes has made me throw up at least 12 times and I have finally given up. Gee sucks at dishes and is just refusing. So, I am trying to find a good time to pay my mother to do it for me. I did clean and organize the living room Thursday after I recovered from my flu. I also have managed to keep up with the bathroom. Today I cleaned off the dining room table and maybe tomorrow I will organized everything else in the dining room. That is probably as far as I will get this weekend.

We have not bought the crib. It was meant to be the 12 week gift to ourselves but we failed. We still have some fears.

Speaking of. After this long of trying and so many losses, I am allowed to be the crazy pregnant woman who obsesses over every twinge, every feeling, every symptom. I am allowed to continue to check for blood everytime I pee. I am allowed to lay in bed for hours just trying to imagine the "What ifs". Recently some of my friends decided that I am not. Okay, just 2 people who have never had a loss. One got pregnant on accident, one got pregnant on accident once and then tried for 8 months for number 2. For 4 of those months her husband wasn't even sure he wanted another child at the time. So, when I finally got pregnant, we talked. At first number 1 was complaining about how she wanted to be induced from the time she was 34 weeks. Friend number 2 was bitching about her pregnancy before I even got pregnant. Bitching to an infertile! It is a crime. But apparently I commited a cardinal sin.

I am sorry I am a crazy pregnant woman. Switch me places and let's see how you feel.



Everything else is dandy. I promise I will update Monday or Tuesday after the ultrasound.


Bobi

Happy 50TH!

HAPPY 50TH POST!

Eh, not so happy really. Job is great, next Monday I start at the preschool.
Not so great, our taxes. I forgot that this year we have to pay back our Home Buyer's credit. Which is $500. That still means we get a bit back right? WRONG.
Gee's work did not take out any school taxes. So, we owed them a lot. After all is said and done, we owe $150.
I have only owed once before, and that was $18000 from inheritance. This seriously sucks. I would have been happy with breaking even, but paying is just not acceptable. And for the third year in a row I was told "Better start making those little tax deductions" I HAVE BEEN TRYING! Cant I add up that in the last year I have had 2 miscarriages, add them up, which is 14 weeks or so, and claim them for 14 weeks? Or can I just get credit for trying? My best friend has two children, she told me her return.....wait for it...

wait for it......










$7591!!!!!!!!!

I would take 1/100 of that.

Damn babies. I only have a month to get knocked up in order to get one for next year. I am willing to bet $2000 that it will not happen. Any takers?

Oh, and my last infertile real life friend, is pregnant.

I am SO LONELY!




Not my normal musical preference, but dammit, I am So Lonely.


Bobi

HELP WANTED!

And needed.

So, Wednesday will be 7 weeks since the miscarriage. I still have not bled. A friend of mine (old boss who is now pregnant!*) had an extra test. She took a test on my birthday and it was positive at like 11 at night after eating and drinking all day. I informed her that I would rather wait, but I hadn't peed all day, so I said what the hell.

BFN

But I am not taking it too serious. But I am also not getting my hopes up. Plus, from what the wise interwebs have told me, my uterine lining will be thinner since the miscarriage and it can take several cycles to get back to normal.

If I have not bled, Friday morning I am making Gee bring home a test for me to urinate on. I find myself urinating on a lot of sticks these days.

On a lighter note, my employee who bleeds every 28 days, and for 3 or 4 days each time, (she says she always starts after 1 pm but before 8 pm, how ODD?) had a condom break. She said she has been a wreck all weekend over it. But I am a smart cookie so I set off to do some math. If your first day of your last period was the 10th, and you had sex on the 28th, you are not pregnant. I know this because, I am a SMART COOKIE!

Oh, and BBBB will not be sued. Just because PregnantEmployee is doing her stna classes anyway, and is out of there after her maternity leave anyway. (She worked 72 hours last week and has realized why I hate my job. I love her now) (and no I didn't schedule her for that, she picked up 30 hours. I am not that mean)





*Old Boss became pregnant thanks to Doctor WONDERFUL! I am looking into him. He had a consultation with her in November, and looked at the blood work her old OBGYN ordered, and said "This test, this test, this test, and this test, are useless." She still had them done, and went back to her old OBGYN and they said "Everything is fine, you need IUI" So, they provided her with no reason for her miscarriage but said she needed IUI. She wanted a second opinion so she had ANOTHER FREE consultation with Dr. WONDERFUL and he informed her that her B6 is very low, that she has a chromosomal abnormality causing that, and that she does not need IUI as of yet. She took some vitamins and minerals, and BAM! She is pregnant within 3 weeks! They check her progesterone, she needed some. She has taken some. She is 9 weeks. FARTHER THAN SHE HAS EVER MADE IT! Very proud of her. And Dr. Wonderful!


Bobi

Cheaters

Someone viewed and did not comment. Chicken Poop.



I made my amazing beef stroganoff. Not good for the diet. I ate it. A LOT. Like 3000 calories worth of it in 2 days. I punished myself today. I took M for a run. The pitbull/boxer hauled ass and I just kind of followed. Not really. She is well trained and runs at my side. But at times I emotionally feel pulled. We have a tight bond. If i tried to explain it, you would think I am crazy.

Okay, I will kind of try. She can be sound asleep, and if I whisper her name, or any of the variations of her name I use, she will be at my side within 30 seconds no matter where she is. Right now she is napping and facing away from me. I just looked at her, slowly turning my head and she immediately looked back.

As for her attitude, when she was 7 months old my extremely fertile neighbor came over with her daughter who was just learning to roll over. I was in the kitchen and out of sight. M loved this baby like no other, and always stayed near her unless I was doing something cool. The neighbor was changing said baby's diaper and turned away to do something, leaving the baby on the couch unattended. (I never said she was a good mother) The baby rolled over. Sometime during the roll M must've stood up, and the baby ended up half on the couch and her other half on M's back. I have no idea just how long (no more than 10-20 seconds) she was like that, but when i walked into the room, that is how i found them. I ran over, laid the baby back onto her back and told M she would make a better mother than our neighbor. I told my neighbor what had happened and she laughed it off like it was no big deal. After that, anytime that baby was around, M and I stayed close no matter who was "watching" her.

A year later M had gone at least 10 months without seeing said baby. These old neighbors of our came to visit our house. The moment the baby, now a toddler, got out of her car seat she started squealing at M, and M jumped our 5 foot fence, and ran to that little girl. She kissed her and soon gave her a "tour". The toddler grabbed M's tail and M led her around like her tail was a leash and she showed said toddler all her toys and favorites places. The toddler spent the night that night, and M, who usually sleeps around the foot of my bed or the side, slept outside the door where the toddler slept. The door was wide open, but M has never been allowed to sleep in the same room with the little one, so she knew to stay at the entrance and not in the actual room. (This may also be because that is the future nursery and we have never really allowed M much time in there)

When we first brought M home, we were told by my mother and step-dad that no pitbull mix would EVER be allowed alone with my step siblings. Within months that had changed. My step dad said "The kids can only stay there if M is there" when I had the kids over to our old apartment. I should specify that the apartment was recommended by some friends and they said it was "GREAT AREA! SO SAFE!" and within 3 days of us moving there Gee broke up a fight outside our apartment and ended up getting stabbed. So, we stayed inside unless we had mace, and M.

M became our most valuable possession when I was 17 and she was around 5 months. It was December and I was about to turn 18. I took M down to see my Grandfather 212 miles away. At sunrise we stopped at a rest stop to pee and such. I had my mace in hand when I went inside, but M didn't want to get out to potty for some reason. I wasn't concerned since it had only been an hour since our last stop (i drink and pee a lot) so I settled into the car and got ready to pull out. Then I noticed a semi had turned into the car area not the trailer area, and he was in his truck, parked directly behind me, and blocking me in. I figured no big deal. I would wait him out.

Then i noticed a man walking closer and closer to us. He kept glancing at the truck. Then at us. M was relaxing in the back. But then this man got closer and closer. The semi driver still hadn't got out of his truck. I was getting worried and gripping my mace so tight. Then M\ popped up and nudged me a bit and sat in the front seat. The man walking towards us stopped and glanced at the semi, at me, and at M. He didn't stop. Then M barked. Just a normal dog bark. The guy stopped and fumbled with his shoe while glancing back at the semi. He nodded his head, and I realized something was not right. At this point i start the car and I am fully prepared to run this guy over (hoping my car would pop the curb) or hit the semi.

Then he stands back up and by now is 10 feet from us. M let our a growl and then barked a tough dog bark. Then guy took 2 more steps, and I dialed 9-1-1 in my phone, right as i was about to hit send, when the guy is maybe 6 feet from our car, M growled, snarled, and barked this scary-foam-out-the-mouth-bark, and the guy turned away, within 10 seconds the semi was moving, and I called 911 and let them know I was not stopping to talk to anyone. They said they would go to the rest stop. I never heard back but i drove 90 for about 30 minutes to get the heck away.

After that my husband and Grandfather made me a new travel rule: No Rest stops.

But after that, M became a very valuable member of the family. Heck, her first birthday party cost $300. We had 8 dogs, 5 people, and hundreds of toys. It was in July so a lot of the toys were water themed and therefore, according to the pet toy business, should cost an arm and a leg.

Okay well M is hungry and so am I, so we are going to scrounge up some food. I am happy to have shared about M with you guys even though it was not the direction I had intended to take. Someday soon I will write about just where she came from and why we are so alike.

Bobi

Miracles

A few years ago my cousin, who has Endometriosis, became pregnant with her second child just 12 years after being told she would never have children. Her first son was conceived when she was 19, and married to a man who never wanted children. They used a condom and birth control just in case. The condom broke. But she could never have children so no one worried. Her cycle was irregular so no one worried after 2 missed periods. But in November 2000 my cousin, who is more of a little brother or a nephew to me, was born. As for her second child, she wa conceived just 8 months after my cousin had part of her cervix removed. Sure she was stuck on bed rest for 4 or 5 months, but she got her second miracle baby after so many years of trying and failing.

Now for the current miracle that has had me thinking all afternoon. Congradulations to R. who has been blessed with a New Years Miracle herself. I will be saying many prayers for her and I hope you will too.

Both of these miracles make me smile, shiver, believe in God, and grasp at what little hope of a "natural" conception I may have. I instantly told my mother, father and husband about R. the moment I read my reader. Miracles are possible and one should never give up on them.

Bobi