Cheaters

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I made my amazing beef stroganoff. Not good for the diet. I ate it. A LOT. Like 3000 calories worth of it in 2 days. I punished myself today. I took M for a run. The pitbull/boxer hauled ass and I just kind of followed. Not really. She is well trained and runs at my side. But at times I emotionally feel pulled. We have a tight bond. If i tried to explain it, you would think I am crazy.

Okay, I will kind of try. She can be sound asleep, and if I whisper her name, or any of the variations of her name I use, she will be at my side within 30 seconds no matter where she is. Right now she is napping and facing away from me. I just looked at her, slowly turning my head and she immediately looked back.

As for her attitude, when she was 7 months old my extremely fertile neighbor came over with her daughter who was just learning to roll over. I was in the kitchen and out of sight. M loved this baby like no other, and always stayed near her unless I was doing something cool. The neighbor was changing said baby's diaper and turned away to do something, leaving the baby on the couch unattended. (I never said she was a good mother) The baby rolled over. Sometime during the roll M must've stood up, and the baby ended up half on the couch and her other half on M's back. I have no idea just how long (no more than 10-20 seconds) she was like that, but when i walked into the room, that is how i found them. I ran over, laid the baby back onto her back and told M she would make a better mother than our neighbor. I told my neighbor what had happened and she laughed it off like it was no big deal. After that, anytime that baby was around, M and I stayed close no matter who was "watching" her.

A year later M had gone at least 10 months without seeing said baby. These old neighbors of our came to visit our house. The moment the baby, now a toddler, got out of her car seat she started squealing at M, and M jumped our 5 foot fence, and ran to that little girl. She kissed her and soon gave her a "tour". The toddler grabbed M's tail and M led her around like her tail was a leash and she showed said toddler all her toys and favorites places. The toddler spent the night that night, and M, who usually sleeps around the foot of my bed or the side, slept outside the door where the toddler slept. The door was wide open, but M has never been allowed to sleep in the same room with the little one, so she knew to stay at the entrance and not in the actual room. (This may also be because that is the future nursery and we have never really allowed M much time in there)

When we first brought M home, we were told by my mother and step-dad that no pitbull mix would EVER be allowed alone with my step siblings. Within months that had changed. My step dad said "The kids can only stay there if M is there" when I had the kids over to our old apartment. I should specify that the apartment was recommended by some friends and they said it was "GREAT AREA! SO SAFE!" and within 3 days of us moving there Gee broke up a fight outside our apartment and ended up getting stabbed. So, we stayed inside unless we had mace, and M.

M became our most valuable possession when I was 17 and she was around 5 months. It was December and I was about to turn 18. I took M down to see my Grandfather 212 miles away. At sunrise we stopped at a rest stop to pee and such. I had my mace in hand when I went inside, but M didn't want to get out to potty for some reason. I wasn't concerned since it had only been an hour since our last stop (i drink and pee a lot) so I settled into the car and got ready to pull out. Then I noticed a semi had turned into the car area not the trailer area, and he was in his truck, parked directly behind me, and blocking me in. I figured no big deal. I would wait him out.

Then i noticed a man walking closer and closer to us. He kept glancing at the truck. Then at us. M was relaxing in the back. But then this man got closer and closer. The semi driver still hadn't got out of his truck. I was getting worried and gripping my mace so tight. Then M\ popped up and nudged me a bit and sat in the front seat. The man walking towards us stopped and glanced at the semi, at me, and at M. He didn't stop. Then M barked. Just a normal dog bark. The guy stopped and fumbled with his shoe while glancing back at the semi. He nodded his head, and I realized something was not right. At this point i start the car and I am fully prepared to run this guy over (hoping my car would pop the curb) or hit the semi.

Then he stands back up and by now is 10 feet from us. M let our a growl and then barked a tough dog bark. Then guy took 2 more steps, and I dialed 9-1-1 in my phone, right as i was about to hit send, when the guy is maybe 6 feet from our car, M growled, snarled, and barked this scary-foam-out-the-mouth-bark, and the guy turned away, within 10 seconds the semi was moving, and I called 911 and let them know I was not stopping to talk to anyone. They said they would go to the rest stop. I never heard back but i drove 90 for about 30 minutes to get the heck away.

After that my husband and Grandfather made me a new travel rule: No Rest stops.

But after that, M became a very valuable member of the family. Heck, her first birthday party cost $300. We had 8 dogs, 5 people, and hundreds of toys. It was in July so a lot of the toys were water themed and therefore, according to the pet toy business, should cost an arm and a leg.

Okay well M is hungry and so am I, so we are going to scrounge up some food. I am happy to have shared about M with you guys even though it was not the direction I had intended to take. Someday soon I will write about just where she came from and why we are so alike.

Bobi

Big Meanies!

I think my husband is a big meanie for yelling at our puppy A, but this isn't about him. Or them.

It is about my mother.
And her house.
And the assholes who robbed it.
Yes, someone robbed my poor unsuspecting mother.

She lives in the middle of nowhere. She can only see one other house from her yard. And we have always felt safe. The only thing close to this was when one of my high school boyfriends tried to break in but failed.

So after a family get together at my aunt's house, i drove home, drove right past my moms and was about 8 minutes from arriving home. And my mom calls me. Our conversation goes like this:
Mom: I'm okay. Dont panic. Drive safe. But someone broke into my house.
Me: HAWHAT?
MOM: I just went inside and someone has taken my TV out of my bedroom, i think the computer is still there.
Me: call 911
Mom: Already done they said i need to go out to my car and lock myself inside until they get here.
Me: I will be there in 3 minutes
Mom: Drive safe.

So i drove safe and arrived 8 minutes later after driving just slightly over the speed limit. Of course my mom was near tears on the phone. Which is a feat because my mom is a tough single woman and has been virtually her entire life. (She was married for 4 years but she pretty much supported him and got nothing in return)
When i arrived the police were inside. And her dogs were petrified. Roo, her young beagle was inside with the cop hiding and barking. Juliette, her older beagle, was cowering and shaking outside. And devil dog was I don't even know, being weird somewhere. (Devil dog hates me and i feel the same way towards him. I do know that he was aroused and tried to hump my arm a few minutes after the police left)

The thieves had stolen my mother's not-even-a-year-old-TV, the diamond and onyx earrings that my Grandfather gave my Grandmother in their 20th or 30th year. All of my mom's diamond tennis bracelets. Her pearls. And the most priceless item, my Grandmother's mother's ring. It had 2 gold bands, on the top was her and my Grandfather's birthstones, on the bottom was all 5 of their children. This ring was her mother's day gift about 2 years after my mom was born.

Honestly, my Grandmother's ring is the only thing truly special. (We later found the diamond and black onyx earrings outside by the fence, they had dropped them when they hopped the fence.)

Oh, wait, no, my mother will tell you that 2 important things are missing, my Grandmother's ring, and HER PILLOW CASE! You see, my mother is very particular about her bedding always being perfect. Everything matches. So, since the evil men took her pillow case, she now has matching bottom and top sheets, a coordinated comforter, and matching throw, and ONE PILLOW CASE! The woman is already feeling insecure enough in her own home and now they mess with her bedroom OCD!

Any who, back to normal people issues, my step dad had to leave his mother* and stay at my mom's the other night because of course, she was afraid, and her back door was kicked in.

But, by 6 o'clock tonight you will never know anything ever happened. We have many friends who work construction so Mr. Sexy Construction man came and worked all day Monday so that my mommy's house looks good as new. It just looks strange not having a TV where they clearly should be a TV.

*My step dad can not live with my mother. His own mother has Alzheimer's and his father cannot handle her alone (he is also very ill) so my step dad and his 3 children live with them 5 days a week and go to my mom's every chance they get. It is sad but my step dad is just like that. He even quit his awesome paying job to take a job making $10 an hour working for his uncle just so he can leave at a moments notice if anything happens to his mother, father, my siblings, myself or his sister who has cancer just about everywhere imaginable. He is a great guy. Very self sacrificing. I love him. He is perfect for my mom. Well, kind of, neither of them speaks up for themselves and they are both so giving that sometimes i get mad because i know they are each mad at each other but no one has the balls to say anything.

Oh, and the thieves still have not been caught. But we are looking for idiots here. You see, my mom had Monday off work, so she was going to paint. So all day Sunday she prepped her house. Which means that if the thieves had even made it into her kitchen, they would have noticed that her big TV, her sound system, and all her antique vases, candy dishes, and plain weird glass stuff, was sitting on the table. It is worth much more than the jewelry and TV and pillowcase. Idiots.

Oh, and they are cruel. Her old Beagle Juliette has a broken clavical and is not petrified of strangers. So thanks assholes, ruin the best dog in the world!


So, if you meet cruel, stupid people, please arrest them.

Bobi

What is going to happen, will happen. God's Choice. Just wait

On July 3rd 2005 I spoke with my father. I told him I had gotten my temps. And was starting to drive a little. Then he told me he was going to a BBQ with his fiance, Margarita. I told him i was going to see fireworks in a town close to us, with my boyfriend at the time.

On July 6 i was home alone. Reading. It was about 2 pm. My Maternal grandmother calls. She asks where my mom is, i informed her that my mother was at work. My grandmother informs me, point blank, that she is reading the paper, and my dad is dead.

I hang up, call my mother at work. And calmly inform her of this. She says she will be there in 20 minutes. I look around. I walk around. I dont know what to do. That 20 minutes became 30 because of traffic. I called 3 people. No one was available.

I was alone. And i sat there.

I did alot of that in the days after. Sitting. Nothing felt right.

My paternal grandmother found out we were planning to drive to her town 212 miles away, and attend the funeral. She forbid my mother from bringing me. My mother informed her that I was his daughter and needed to grieve.

We went. And i met my Uncle, lets call him Uncle Fuck. He is the black sheep, and rightfully so. He has had a drug problem since 17, a drinking problem and a lying problem for most of his life.

We went to the funeral, where i met my half sister and brother for the first time. My sister just watched me, kind of with a longing look.

Her mother told me to keep my distance, they would come to me, they had only just found out 2 days ago that i existed.

My father's friends who had known about me were all so happy to meet and see me. I felt accepted. By everyone except my step mother and grandmother. They leered at me. Stuck their noses up at my mother. But i stood tall. I was proud to be my father's daughter for the first time in my life. (someday i will explain that relationship)

This story is not about my dad, or the anniversary of his death, July 4 2005.

This story is about the man next to my Grandmother. Who had heard rumors of my existance, but he been forbidden by his wife from meeting me. My father had told them point blank that i was not his. But my Grandfather had always known. But his wife was his love. What she said was law. She forced my father to marry my step mom. Knowing that my mother was pregnant with a child she claimed to be his.

I look just like my father. Or atleast a child i did. Now im looking ore and more like my mother. (my mom is dark italian and my father is danish and such, and im blonde with fair skin and aquamarine eyes)

The next year was hell. Then i met my husband. We started dating at 12 30 am on July 4 2006. Exactly 1 year after my father died.

In February 2007, on what would have been my father's birthday, we went to that town 212 miles away to visit him. When we got lost in this hilly town trying to find his gravesite, we went to Uncle Fucks. We noticed alot of cars. Were these people all here to see my dad?

No.

My boyfriend (now husband), mother and i went to uncle fucks door. He looked surprised. He had neglected to call, made apologies, and informed me, my evil grandmother had died. Today was her funeral.

So, dressed in my travel garb (jeans and ugly tshirt advertising a local eatery) i attended my first surprise funeral. Later my husband would call his friends and inform them that surprise funerals are kind cool.

I smoked a cigarette (my grandfather and uncle where so i figured it was okay) and say "ding dong the wicked witch is dead" in my head. Heartless, yes, but she had taken so much away from me, i felt it was okay. Afterall, i was 17.

Then we came home.

That year, in either late april or early may, i was waiting to pick my mother up from work (my car was broken down) and i decided to call uncle fuck while i waited. We chatted. And he informed me that he was sitting nextto my Grandfather. Who wanted to speak to me. We talked for a few minutes. And he asked if he could meet me. I said i would check with my family and see when i could make it down.

That weekend, my mother and i left for the 212 mile away town. I drove. It was beautiful. When i got down there, i learned that my Grandfather was amazing. We talked for 12 hours, my Uncle fuck and my mom both kept looking at us. They were amazed that we hit it off so well. On my way home, i was elated. And the owner of one of my grandmother's priceless rings.

I called my Grandpa a week later and told him that in 3 weeks id be bringing my boyfriend down to spend the weekend. He said that was fine. (uncle fuck had informed him that modern day relationships were like that)

That weekend was amazing. My grandfather told me his neighbors pitbull had mated with a scrawny stray boxer and that they had taken the boxer in. And that the puppies were just a week old. I went down to look at them. And wouldnt you know it, he offered me one. I accepted.

Five weeks later i had plans to head down for a family reunion where i would make my official debute as his Granddaughter. I was honored. But, a week before i got a call, the scrawny boxer had never gained enough weight during pregnancy, and had internal bleeding for the last few weeks. She died and left the pitbull's owners with 11 pups. So, i told my mom i needed to go down immediately. And left the next morning. No one knew that i was getting this dog. Just my sister and boyfriend. We had already been buying it stuff and reading books.

I didnt even tell my Grandfather i was coming down, Uncle Fuck and i worked it out so that at 7 am (yes i left at 3 am to make a 212 mile trip at 17) when my grandfather as having his morning cigarette and coffee, Uncle Fuck would come over, and make sure he was decent. And at 705 i walked in. And my grandfather was so surprised and happy. I met my puppy, that he had picked. She was brindle, like her mom. I didnt like it at first. But i accepted my gift and vowed to love this pupy like no other and make her a pitbull advocate.

After spending the day, i left with 2 puppies. One for my friend, and one for me.

A week later i had my family reunion. And felt so honored to be accepted. And welcomed. During that reunion my Grandfather also re-met his daughter, lets call her Daisy. They talked. and the next day, they talked some more. Before i left with M (the puppy) i was so sure that he and his daughter were going to stay in touch this time. And they did. And she brought several of her siblings back into his life as well.

A month later M and i made the trip again. And the month after that, and the month after that. For nearly a year. (M loved playing with her dad and brothers)

Early spring or late winter that year, the neighbors pig was attacked. They called my Grandfather, and informed him that his and the neighbor's dogs had done it. So, he and the neighbors put their dogs down. It wasnt until a week later that he got a vet bill for the pig. T?he pig had been scratched by a claw (none of the dogs had blood, flesh or pig hair in their mouths or near them) and had needed 2 stitches.

My Grandfather had loved that dog, and the neighbors had loved theirs. We all grieved. The neighbors had exaggerated and everyone had acted too quick, before they knew the entire story.
My Grandfather felt terrible. But we moved on.

In late April 2008 my Grandfather went into the chiropractor and was told that they thought he was having a stroke, he was losing control of his left side.

Within the week we learned that it wa no stroke, it was a tumor.
Surgery was scheduled. We all drove down to be by his side, his daughters, uncle fuck, his brother, sister and i. We waited. Surgery was cancelled. His blood count was too low.
A week later his blood count was high enough and they did surgery.

We waited for 7 hours. Then we were told he was recovering in the ICU.
The doctors informed us that everything was successful. But that it usually took weeks for someone to become their old self. And that he would need therapy to remember how to use his left side, and that it may be weeks before he returned home. Up to 6 weeks.

Before i left, my grandfather was wide awake and testing himself. That night he walked to the bathroom. The next evening, he went home. His surgery was on thursday. I called him on saturday and he was home. We had a miracle on our hands.

About 2 weeks later, two weeks before my graduation, i went down to the town 212 miles away, and spent 5 days taking my grandfather to and from radiation treatments. We ate frosty's at the Wendy's downstairs afterwards. Those 5 days were some of the best in my life. We talked, as we always did, for hours on end. Only shutting up when he made me steaks and hamburgers for meals. I learned so much during those visits.

I was so grateful for my Grandfather, the best gift my dad had ever given me. Even better than the $40 and nintendo 64 he gave me for my 10th birthday.

Two years have passed. And i have grown even closer with my Grandfather. He walked me down the isle for my wedding. Gave me away. Taught me so many things. Watched me cry at 3 in the morning. While drinking my diet coke (i hate it, but when im with him, i crave it) and smoking a cigarette with him. He has guided me through career decisions, buying my house, marriage do's and donts. He has become the father i never had. And i am not ashamed of my life, because its a miracle. All because of him. He helped me go from angsty teen, to young woman.

I found out a little more than a week ago, that in the last month, my Grandpa has learned that he is dying. He has cancer in his trachea, growing very fast, and in his lung. He also has a tumor in his brain, the exact opposite spot as before, and a spot on his kidney. His trachea is going to suffocate him within a few weeks time. He told me 3 weeks is his bet. He can already barely breath and has a coughing fits that almost look like a seizure. Maybe it is.

He is weak. And sleeping alot. I spent last thursday evening, friday all day and saturday morning with him and my Aunt Daisy. Its hard to watch. I cannot believe my Aunt can handle it. But, his goal is to die at home. And we respect that. He said he cannot get a miracle like he did in 2008, and even if he did, it would have to someone dissolve an inoperable tumor in his trachea and fix the brain, lung and kidney. In 3 weeks. He accepts that he has had a long life, the last 2 years have given me more time with him and has brought his children back into his life.

He misses the 3 sons he has buried, and his wife. I was so upset in the last week that i could not bear to write this. I had trouble eating and sleeping and being near people. Today. I am alive. He is alive. And i am okay.

I have been suicidal. I could not see how i would get past this without dying. How could i live through what is essentially losing my father all over again? How can i wait for him to suffocate? How can i just sit here and pray for all i can pray for, that the brain tumor takes him first? All i can hope for is that some way, some how, he goes more peacefully than suffocation.

But today, it hit me, i will survive.

Tomorrow i take a test, if it is positive i will be heading to that town 212 miles away soon to tell my dad and Grandfather.

If it is negative i will survive. As my Grandfather told me, what is going to happen, will happen. God's choice. Just wait.