BFN?

I was negative. Tested in a dollar general bathroom. Negative. No sadness. Went on to go see fireworks and have a great weekend. Then tuesday came, my Grandfather passed away. We got lucky, the brain tumor took him. So, no suffocation.

Then I realized I still have not had a period. No biggie there, and said "if by thursday or friday i do not have a period, i will retest"

Tuesday night i started to spot. Just wiped once and got light pink blood.

Then an hour later nothing. Nothing more until thursday. When i spotted brown blood for an hour. So, i decided no point buying a test. Then went to work and straight from work went to the funeral. Came home exhausted and worked saturday. Then spent today very relaxed with friends.

Now that I am 9, yes 9 f*ing days late, i think i might go buy another test. I may have ovulated late, and got pregnant so the first test could have been negative. Or i could just ahve ovulated late and be getting my period late. Only in these last 3 months have i had spotting. My periods used to start with a gush, an insane gush. Nope not anymore.

Or maybe im pregnant and will be happy.

And on the Grandfather note. I think i got all of the terrible screaming sobbing cant breath crying out of the way before he passed. I cried during the funeral, well really off and on all day, but not hysterical crying. I think the week i found out that he was dying let me get that nasty stuff out of the way.

And yes, this man was the man who made me who i am. So, i will forever be grateful and hope to have children soon so i can teach them all the thing he taught me before im old and forgetful.