I need MORE!

I thought i was done. I am not!

Aaaaannnnnnddddd HHeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeesssss BOBI!
*CUE CLAPPING*

clomid.
CLOMID.
Mother of all EVIL.

Dear Clomid,
I have been your bestie for 5 months, we have only run together 4 times, and i have to say, I loved you at first. You were so kind. Never any harsh side effects, sure a little dizzy when i drive at night for the week before ovulation, no biggie, i just get home before dark. Then May i noticed i kept getting warm. Then i realized they were hot flashes and though 'DEAR DOG IVE HIT MENOPAUSE" but after carefully reading your label i realized it was you dropping those off as presents. I survive them, just barely in June and the beginning of July when it was 100 degrees outside. Then the last half of July and most of August i had a peaceful break. But i missed you, i missed the chances and opportunities you give me, i needed a partner in the run.

So i took you on Friday. By saturday i was expecting hot flashes, and you gave me none. I started to worry, had increasing your dose made you not work? Did the pharmacist mess up?
By Sunday morning on my way home from work, i was really concerned. And downright cold, our mornings have been very chilly and i have been looking forward to those hotflashes! Then at around 10, you gave me more than i ever wanted. I immediately told the husband "SHE'S BAAAACK" and turned a fan on me. He offered to get me some ice, and i said "No, I missed this, this means something is happening." I then sat back, played some old school bomberman and relaxed.

Then an hour later i was in bed. And crying. Why? Because i am on my period. Yes, i know this happens every month or atleast 6 times a year for me. I was crying because i wanted some hubby wifey time and could not get any due to AUNT FREAKING FLO! Now normally this would not make me cry. But it did, and i told hubby it was your fault, and he said he hates you and wants you to go away. I started sobbing and he had to leave the room at my rediculousness. Seriously? I am crying over everything. I have cried 8 times today. Just 3 or 4 minute sob fests of honest depression. OVER STUPID THINGS!

So, Clomid, i ask that you please, keep giving me the hotflashes so i know that you are there, but dammit, no emotional meltdowns! The husband and I cannot handle me cryingat the drop of a hat.

Thank you,
Your Bestie,
Bobi

My Boss

MyBoss is pregnant. I was hurt and insulted by that. Then she confided that it took her two years to get pregnant. I was happy, and elated for her success. She had a happy ending to the infertility struggle that we fight everyday. I was capable of being happy for her.

Until Wednesday.

On Wednesday as i went to go into work i found out my boss had miscarried. After work she noticed blood monday night, went to the hospital and they did a pregnancy test, it said she was still pregnant, and they put her on bed rest. She finally asked what her HCG level was, and they said 70! She is supposed to be closing in on her 9th week!

She knew then that she was losing the baby. She got home and within a few hours felt everything come out. She did the only rational thing she could think of, she grabbed some gloves, stuck her hand n the toilet and took it to the hospital. They wouldnt take it. So she took it to her doctor, he wont take it, he hadnt even been told she had miscarried and spent 2 minutes trying to find a heartbeat before my boss finally told the guy "Didnt you read what the hospital sent you you dumbfuck my hcg level was at 70 IM NOT PREGNANT!"

She is straight forward, i like that. She is dealing with it well in front of people, and im so honored that she is so honest about everything. Her husband has been dealing with it but not well. I think men forget that pregnancy isnt a guarantee, it can be only temporary.

I guess i feel closer to my boss now. She even changed my work schedule so i can avoid any hazards during my two week wait, she said "Better safe than sorry" Did i mention i love her?

Lunch is over!

My break is over. After a month of just relaxing and letting "nature" take its course, AF arrived today.

SO, to all those PEOPLE who say "just relax" YOU ARE FING WRONG! No Clomid, not nothing. Gee and I were like rabbits this month. Something about the "we arent trying" got us all worked up. So looking back, i know i had all the right things for making a baybay. And i relaxed. My baby thoughts were cut in half. Possibly even less than half. I spoke of babies less. Never even walked near a baby isle in a store. I followed all the stupid people's assvice and look where it got me!

I am a terrorist. No, not the bomb kind, the sick kind. I want to go drop off AF on people's doorsteps. I want to throw sanitary napkins at everyone who says "JUST RELAX" because i am sick and tired of their assvice.

My uncles and one aunt spent 30 minutes discussing "JUST RELAX" and i just smiled and nodded. So next time, i will tell them.

"i followed your stupid assvice and i just relaxed. And guess what IT FAILED! So stop asking me "when" its going to happen, stop trying to comfort me, stop trying to baby me, and stop giving me your ASSVICE!"

I may just put that on facebook. I will. I did.

I would say Sorry, but i wont. I have the right to be angry. I may never have children and dammit, im angry.

Bobi