To Test or Not to Test

So, I took the Clomid on March 27 for 5 days. On April 7-12 I was a baby makin factory. I ovulated around the 11th; yes I can tell when I do.

I got ahead of myself and on April 20th took a test because I felt nauseated. And extremely sleepy. NEGATIVE! So, I felt sad for a minute and realized I’m not due until the 23rd or 24th so I was not totally disappointed. I felt sick almost every night at 9 pm for the next few days. I went to my mothers, and noticed some spotting. I was ready to cry, in fact I did cry on my way home. No baby.

Then I realized how silly I was being, I can try for the rest of my life, no need to get discouraged. And then, hope came, I realized it could have been implantation bleeding, that it was the perfect time for it. I started to get excited. But I told myself no! I will not take a test until the 28th.

So, today is the 28th and I simply cannot take a test. If it is negative I will lose my freakin mind. But, I am several days late and no sign of a period besides a slight twinge when I had the spotting, so maybe I should? But if it’s negative I will freakin shoot myself. Don’t own a gun at the moment but I’ll get one. What is it a 72 hour waiting period? I could do it! (I am seriously just kidding no one get excited) The positive to all this is that I’ve discovered some great infertile blogs. Like "No oven for the bun" and "The young and the infertile" <---personal favorite, I love the way she writes. But nonetheless these women have been trying longer and harder than I have and are older than me. I’m still a young whipper snapper; it’s supposed to be an accident when I get pregnant! Why does it have to be so hard for me? George and I have tried off and on since November 2008, and I haven’t used birth control or a condom since. Something should’ve happened by now! What did is so difficult about getting pregnant? People do it daily, hell; people get pregnant from precum dammit!

Maybe I’ll just take the test and end my misery, we’ll wait, if I don’t believe that I’m not pregnant now, what makes me think I’ll believe it after I take that test? And if I do get pregnant will I be too afraid to celebrate it? Seriously, this is harder than it looks.


Bobi