Test Day!

Tomorrow is test day number two, clomid wise. I have a close friend, Lee we will call her, who has a 21 month old son, A. Lee and i are on the same cycle. Exact same day for everything, and she is also trying. Her son, A, was an accident, but totally wanted. So, she is not infertile. Since we are on the same cycle we are testing the same day, and sharing our 2ww together. Plus planning our timed sex together. We are dorks.

Tomorrow is our test day, we will pee, and text each other. We are so excited and hopeful. But, i have no signs besides more cervical mucus. And a BBT of 98.86. Which is nowhere near period. Yes, i know clomid can mess that stuff up, but i still like to check it, and its been pretty normal.

But, now i have this fear, what if she is...and im not? How crappy will i feel. It is horrible for an infertile woman (anyone who has tried for a year and not succeeded is considered infertile) to compare herself to a fertile woman. We just arent the same. Will i cry, will i be jelous. Afterall, she already has one, and ive got nothin besides miscarriages to show for my hard work. But, i would love to be happy for her.

Also, another friend, we will call her Amy, just shared her news. She is my ex coworker and best friend. She is just coming out of a woman-woman relationship. They had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a few months. Then, they broke up at the start of the month. Amy, gets her period the day after me. So similar cycles. She took a test yesterday, and when she didnt see a second line after a minute, when she saw the first, she threw it away. I told her to recheck it last night. She did. YUP! It is positive. So, just to be safe she retook this morning and yep, its negative for the first 2 minutes and then at 3 minutes its positive. The test said 2 minutes. So, while she is still unsure, im pretty sure she is pregnant.

The moment she stopped trying, she gets pregnant. Isnt that how this stuff works. For fertile women anyway. For me, thats just not gonna happen.

Dispite all of this praying and hoping, i just dont think i am. You see, i cheated, i took a test an hour ago. Yes, it is diluted pee since ive been up all day, and yes it is the day before my period is even due. But if Amy can get a positive so soon, i want one too! I am going to try again in the morning but, i will try. I have my hopes up and down, i think it will be a BFN but i am sooooo sure it be a BFP. Wishful thinking.

Bobi