I have been demoted

I love my job. Well, loved.

The new head teacher left early Wednesday and said "Here is the sunblock, put it on 10 minutes before going outside and sign the kids medical forms saying you put it on." I agreed and did exactly as she said. We went outside where it was 80 degrees, and the kids began to sweat, and were wiped sweat off their face with their arms, and some just let it run down their faces.

Then I looked over at one of my little girls who started to cry. I found no reason for her to keep crying but she kept rubbing her eyes. So, I looked at her sweaty, teary eyed, face and realized her eyes are red and irritated. I took my kids inside and called for help from the director. We rinsed their eyes (by this time 4 of my 6 kids were crying) and washed all the sunblock off their faces and arms. Then the director grabs the sunblock.

Apparently, last week a memo went out to all the head teachers that this particular brand was not sweat proof and water proof and had irritated the preschooler's eyes, so it was NOT to be used.

The director asked me where I found this bottle and I explained that my head teacher had got it out of our medication container and handed it to me. I also explained that it matched what the medical sheets for the kids had said. "Generic Baby Sunblock. Applied to exposed skin as needed." This was Dol.Lar Gen.eral baby sunblock. Obviously generic and it said "Baby" on it.

So, I explained to 3 or the 4 parents what had happened, and they laughed and some even said they had made the same mistake before, no biggie. But the last mom was pissed. Apparently the office said "Oh yeah, the teacher just put too much on her and didn't get it all rubbed in and that is why her eyes are like that." The Director didn't want everyone to know that A) she had used petty cash to buy the sunblock for each room. B) A failure in communication was the reason this sunblock was in our room and C) That the school was in any way at fault. Just the teacher.

This teacher.

So, I got a call this morning. I am off for te next 2 days ("Just so everyone can calm down.") and this mother has requested that I "never work with her child again". Yep, because I am an idiot who can't rub sunblock in and uses too much. Apparently, even though I have been applyng sunblock to people professionally for 6 years, and personally since I could walk, I don't know enough to rub it in.

My coworkers who were not there to witness the truth, are also being told the same thing.

And now, I am a sub. The lowest sub on the totem pole (Which is actually a good thing if it is a real totem pole). Want to know how many people are ahead of me? 31. If 25 teachers can't cover a shift, and 6 other subs can't cover a shift, then I get to work it. I have seen the girl ahead of me maybe 3 times in the 4 months I have been there.

What am I guilty of? Doing what my head teacher told me to do.



Finances.

HA! What finances? We have had to spend all of our savings in the last 2 months. We have NONE. No more. At all. We have exactly $198.74 in our bank. That is checking. Because I had to empty the savings completely this week so we could afford to pay off our debt. We have gone from having $6000 to having $198.74! In 2 months. And now I won't be bringing anything in. Again. I will be lucky to make $100 in one pay period!

Gee, who's real name is George, told me to see about support. I doubt we qualify. If they go by last year we won't. We will be making $30,000 less this year than last year. I have worked for a much lower pay since leaving the evil company and going to the school, and I haven't worked as much, and now I pretty much won't be working at all.

What the hell am I going to do? At this rate, we won't even be able to buy baby things. It will be essentials only. Crib. No changing table. Receiving blankets. No snuggly silky blankets. I probably won't even be able to buy my own kid an outfit at this rate! Screw maternity clothes. If I am not working I might as well stay naked and maybe buy 1 or 2 shirts for when I have to go out. We are so screwed. George's check, is enough to cover the basics, like bills. And cheap cheap cheap, not enough to keep up with my pregnant appetite, groceries. My checks always covered groceries and spending money. If I had to go on bedrest, that is considered temporary disability and at least I would get something!

So, I guess I will fill out a request for assistance at Job and Family services and live off the government for awhile. Because honestly, it is hard enough to find a job around here, let alone find one when you're pregnant.

UGH! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

Did I ask for this?

I love being pregnant. But I can't believe I actually am. That I am nearly 16 weeks, that a BABY will come of this.

Everytime I have some wonderful pregnancy symptom I think I am imagining it. I feel like a liar when I take my prenatals or read a pregnancy book or look into birthing classes. I feel like a faker when I go to the doctor/midwife and hear a heartbeat. Surely there is some mistake, that cannot be from a human being growing inside me?

It feels so strange. Also, I think I am measuring a little above 16 weeks. My uterus has hit my belly button, which THEY say happens around 20 weeks. Although THEY also say that during the 2nd trimester growth tends to be different for each fetus, but can we really we hat far ahead? Is it different because of the miscarriages? Who knows. When it/he/she comes we will be happy.

When we went to the ER for the kidney stones, it was the first time my mother had ever heard my full blown medical history. She knew we had had a miscarriage. She just didn't know we had so many. The following week she went to the doctor with me, and then went to work with me to hand in the paperwork for me to return. She told THEM about our losses. Without even a glance at me. (I don't mind people knowing. I think it is important for people to realize that not everyone gets a positive test and a baby a few months later) We have never discussed the losses. Ever. But she knows now. She didn't ask why we didn't tell her. Hell, the woman knows my bowel movement pattern enough not to call betwen 6pm and 7pm, but she didn't wonder (out loud anyway) why we kept the miscarriages a secret.

I guess some things are easier to talk about to strangers rather than to my mother. She raised me. She held me after break ups, bad grades, mean friends, and everything else, but I just could not look her in the eye and let her know something died inside of me. That my body failed me. Isn't that pretty much how every miscarriage feels? Like your body is a failure. Like you are a failure. So why don't I feel like a success carrying to 16 weeks? Because it means I have 24 to go? I don't know.

After a recent loss at 16 weeks for the writer of a blog I enjoy, I couldn't enjoy 12 weeks. Twelve weeks is not the safe point. Twelve weeks is just making it to first base. You have second and third left before you can even attempt to make it home.

Gee is getting into this baby thing. Reminding me that the baby cannot survive on mashed potatoes alone, that I can't go out and buy new furniture for the bedroom, that I can't replace the carpet throughout the first floor because we have a BABY on the way.

Carpet! Ugh! So, our carpet is old berber carpet from possibly the early 90's. It has stains that allow us to see where the old owners had their furniture. But why replace it? In a year I will have a stain monster running around. In 2 years I will have a toddler running around with leaky sippy cups and dirty poopy diapers. Why would I ever subject new carpet to that? So, when I post a picture of a child playing on stained carpet, don't look at the carpet. Please.

Will I really have a child? Like 18 years of worrying, guiding, helping? I want a baby. I don't want a teenager! My siblings exhaust me enough as it is, and I am not even their parent!

Oh, and now for fun pregnancy symptoms. My nose. My sinus cavity! UGH! One week my nose, face and throat feel fine, the next week I use a box of tissues and run to the bathroom to hack up phlegm. This week is the awful nose week. Next week I will feel fine. It usually starts like yesterday with some congestion. Then on day 2, today, i leak like a faucet, both down the throat and out the nostril. On day 3 I will want to bang on head against the wall due to pressure and have to hold a tissue to my nose all day thanks to SNOT! Then on day 4, I am jhust plugged up, can't sleep, can't breath, and hate life. Day 5 I leak all day, day 6 I start to feel better, day 7 I feel great, which lasts about 7 days. My evil pregnant nose has stayed with this pattern since it started GROWING last month. The BOOKS say my nose will shrink, once again to it's cute button self, but I am doubtful. Right now, I have a schnozz and I don't like it.

I also had to come home from work early today, for another stone. This one must have been small because it only took maybe 8 hours. But who can work when you can't even stand up? My poor toddles, (I am sick of saying toddler and have to spice it up) they wanted snuggled and loved on and carried, but a woman can only do so much when she is experiencing pain that is equal to labor pains. By the way, is this really equal to labor pains? My cysts are worse. More intense, more sharp, this is just a cramp that won't go away. If it came and went (like contractions) I think I could handle it much better than I do my cramps. Gee noticed this.

On our trip home from Kentucky, I had cramps and I would grab his hand (while driving) and squeeze and moan for a minute, then it would feel okay for a bit. I did this for 6 hours. Then got home and started my period within a few days. With the first kidney stone I just moved around trying to get comfortable and bitched a bit. I really didn't want or need to hold anyone's hand, I just wanted someone to notice how much pain I was in and be sympathetic instead of making "it's probably just gas" jokes. So I think I would rather have kidney stones than cysts. If labor feels like cysts, I will probably punch a nurse or two, if it feels like kidney stones, I can tough it out if I get some damn sympathy.

Great birth control idea for teenage girls, give them a kidney stone and cysts at the same time and tell them that is exactly what labor feels like. I would STILL be a virgin if I had both at the same time. No thank you!

Anywho, it is 4 am, and Gee is wrapped up in my blanket freezing under the a/c, and it looks wonderful. I think I might go join him.

Bobi

p.s. What was your favorite and least favorite pregnancy symptom? I think my nose is worse than morning sickness. But my favorite symptom is the cravings. If I want pizza, I get pizza. Hmm Maybe this is why I gained so much weight....

Friday Night Leftovers The Welcome Back Edition

I am back! Go back a few posts to get caught up. I don't blame you.

My body is still sore. Ugh! UGH! UGH! No one should ever have to work while pregnant.

Let's begin:

• Do you have any of those friends who constantly invite you over to THEIR house, the one 20 miles away, but then won't drive over to your house to pick you up to go out shopping at Old Navy for $1 flip flops? Yes, I get that after gas you aren't really saving any money, but when I drive over every Saturday night to hang out and do nothing with you just for girl time, I expect the same. I drive to this woman's house and drive her out to dinner, drive her to the mall, and all over, but she can't pick me up to go shopping even once? OH EM GEE! She is going garage saling (once a year every town here has giant sales and so we always troll for good crap) in a town 4 miles from me! The next town over! She must not want to hang out with me. Which is mean. There is no other excuse.


• My best friend is amazing. She is making me 10 meals to freeze for when the baby comes. She is going to come make them in October. EXCITED! She is a chef, so I like when she cooks.


• Wore my last remaining pair of non-maternity jeans today. The no-gap waistband ones that were kind of stretchy. They can't stretch that much. I put them on, and felt the reaction.


• Oh, so at 16 weeks they say I can't feel anything. Lies. The way my placenta is, they say I should feel a little bit more tha usual, but I have felt "a little bit" since 11 or 12 weeks. Liars.

That is all I have.

Maybe Danifred has more.

Bobi

WORK

Work killed me today. The preschoolers are graduating, so they had a carnival. Because the space they held the carnival in was close to my room, they booted us out so they could use our room for some games. Meaning my toddlers, between 19 months and 28 months, got to play in a preschool room that had nt been toddler proofed. Ten toddlers. Chalk. Markers. Little pieces. Scissors. One big comfy teacher chair. (We don't have one in our room so they fought over this nonstop)

My favorite maternity shirt (I have like 3) is covered in chalky handprints. By arms are killing me from lifting. MY BACK! Oh, my! I could hardly get up the stairs to talk to Gee. Yes, it was a slightly more stressful day than usual, but really, I think my body just forgot how to work in the last few weeks.

I am still trying to fix my schedule. I am fooling myself and trying to sleep more than 6 hours at a time. I would like to go to bed at 10, pee at 4, wake up at 730, nap at 9, wake up between 11 and 12, and be at work by 1:30. HA! Doubt it.

I canceled our cable. We have to come up with an amount close to my average monthly income (mine not Gee's) by June 20 in order to settle some past debts. Otherwise, well, I honestly don't know. Not working for 2 weeks is going to hurt. I think I will get an 8 hour paycheck. WOOOOOO!

Anywho, I am obsessed with Californication, and since I didn't cancel my internet, (I still have cable till Monday) I can watch it online. Plus, we have net.flix. An xbox. A library within walking distance. And PUPPIES! (M and A may be turning 4 and 3 on July 18 and August 18 respectively, but they are still PUPPIES!) And summer is coming. I want to spend my morning and evenings in a pool, afternoons at work, and nights sleeping or snuggling with Gee.

Anywho, back to Californication.

Bobi

Probably short, but sweet.

I go back to work in a few hours. I don't want to! I enjoyed our schedule.

Let us begin when Gee gets home.

730a wake up, make Gee dinner and me breakfast. Lounge around and do nothing untl Gee is ready for bed.

1030-12ish Snack, Lay down with Gee for my nap, and his sleep.

2-3 Wake up, eat, get ready for the world Go visit if I am on pelvic rest/facebook and read when I was on bedrest (not as fun)

6p nap

9p wake up get Gee ready for work

4 am back to sleep.

This really worked for us. Ever since 6 weeks or so, this is the schedule my body has wanted. I hate having to fight my body. Right now my goal is to stay up until 5, sleep until 11, and then get ready and make it to work. Then after I get off around 6, I can nap until 9, get Gee out the door, and then hopefully be tired enough to go to sleep by 3 am. I am trying.

I only work Thursday and Friday, so I will probably fall back into my current schedule for the weekend and have to do this all over again on Sunday/Monday.

We plan to find out the sex. I have very specific wants/needs for a nursery theme and Gee is convinced, no color is neutral. He thinks green is a boy color, yellow is a girl color, and anyone who disagrees is just looking for an excuse to buy us baby stuff. I dont think people need an excuse to get me free stuff. I am not complaining.

Themes?

Why thank you for asking!

CareBear for a girl. With one room (yes, our nursery is 1 room that is broken into a playroom/bedroom) purple, one room pink.

Moose (M's nickname) and brown and white puppy dogs. It ain't easy finding Moose things for a baby. But I found some wall decals, a friend has agreed to attempt to draw M(she is brindle and very intricate), and we will go with one room tan, one room blue, then have dark chocolate brown and blue bedding and just find a ton of Moose, A (white dog), and M (brown or brindle) stuff.

So, I have my BB set so it doesn't vibrate for emails. Or make noise. I never paid attention before, but in the last week, I have noticed that most spam emailers send their crap at 4 am. WTF?

What else?

M has discovered the baby. Big time. She was loving on me when I was on bed rest, and she leaned down and put her ear on my upper stomach. Then jumped and wiggled down lower and listened. She held so still. Then "MRRRRRRRRRRR" and he kicked and even though Gee can't feel it yet, M reacted. She jumped back and looked at my belly like "Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?" I love her.

While Gee got ready for work today I showed him my new game. I push on the left, and feel something push back about an inch over. I push on the right, and feel something over on the left. I spent all day playing this game while sitting around doing nothing but eat. Gee played but he swears he can't feel it so it was useless. It just feels kind of like checking a pulse. Only this heart is arms or legs. And sporadic. Just a little bump* then nothing. You have to concentrate and pay close attention. Gee sucks at that.

I look fancy and beautiful in my maternity shirts. Empire waist, I love you. I have never felt so lovely. I mean, I feel great, my belly looks great, but my FACE! Pregnancy acne! Oh, and my chest, back and arms. I got a zit on my wrist! Another on my BOOB! Is there no cure? Nothing is working! My face is so oily you could fry something on it! I use toilet paper, baby wipes (my beauty must have) and everything to wipe my face off during the day, but even that, combined with washing it everytime I notice it, is not working. I even put peroxide on the one on my boob and wrist. Took those bad boys away in a day! Seriously, can I rub peroxide on my entire face? Dry it the hell out?

Eating. Good LORD! Every 2-3 hours. I think that is usually what wakes me up! If I lay down too soon after eating I will get acid reflux. If I wait too long, I wake up to a rumbling and nausea! A GIRL CAN'T WIN! I don't know how to afford my eating habits. I eat half a bagel, and an hour later I need the second half! I eat an apple and a banana and an hour later, I need more! I ate chinese. Which I knew would not fill me long. The portions were the size of a watermelon. I ate half. An hour later I got home with the leftovers and ate the other half! Good LORD! What is wrong with me? I bought $150 worth of groceries for $81. (I am learning to shop the sales so that I have some money left over to satisfy my cravings.) I have ate it all. Since Sunday. Well, I have 3 bagels, half a packet of cream cheese, half a carton of eggs, 1 slice of cheese, some mixed veggies, and 3 lbs of frozen hamburger. That is all that is left. Gee is a pig. But I am now a giant pig. It disgusts me. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Is this just pregnancy? Is everyone like this? I am only 15 weeks!

Oh, cute moment. So, Gee and I watched "Look Who's Talking" the other day. In the scene where she chugs the entire gallon of apple juice, then they cut to the baby who is pulling on the cord saying "Hey, let's get some apple juice down here." Gee turned to me and said, "Great, now at least I understand the chugging. And the moaning." I moan when I drink. It allows me to get more in faster or something. It is really just a loud exhale, but Gee calls it moaning. That is the back story. Today Gee came home. Without milk. I text him twice last night reminding him that I need milk (milk and burgers are my biggest cravings) or I will die. I woke up, dying to go chug some milk, and NO MILK! I had vowed not to leave the house today. I needed a day to lay around and do nothing one last time before work tomorrow. When Gee got up, he refused to leave early and run milk home. So, I went without. Then Gee sent me a picture from our ultrasound, with "Hey, let's get some milk down here" TOO CUTE!

Anywho, it is almost 5. Goodnight/Good Morning.

Bobi

13w4d

Hello.

See that? Up there? That is BFM. He does not look like a fishy monster anymore. He looks like a BABY!

A baby who gave his/her (I will probably continue to refer to it as a him because IT feels so wrong at this point) Mama a little heart attack this week.

On Monday we woke up at the asscrack of dawn (earlier than I get up when I work) and drove 45 minutes to the wonderful super ultrasound institute. I had to pee. Which I made sure of on purpose. Then went back and let a lady put some goo on me and tuck a cloth into my nether regions to protect the maternity pants I am now forced to wear.

Then it all began. She measured his neck, but he would not move from his side. So, she wiggled me. He refused to budge. His heart beat was 158. She made me roll right, he waved an arm but went right back to sleep. She rolled me left. He snuggled up tighter. She made me get up and march around with a towel hanging from my undies and maternity pants that were by this point ready to fall off! Then she got me back on the table. He kicked my bladder and continued his rest. By now I have been in this room, having to pee for 15 minutes. So, what does our Tech do? She pushes the little nozzle down ONTO MY BELLY, and JIGGLES!.

HELLO PISSED OFF BABY!

Immediately we see feet kicking like crazy, hands all over the place and a baby who is no longer slumbering but throwing a fit! Super angry! It took him several minutes to calm down but he did move to his back and let her measure. After completing his fit and getting in some good blows to my FULL BLADDER! I swear, if anyone ever wakes this kid, I will kill them. He obviously wanted to sleep.

And she didnt even take pictures of his fit! I am sorry but that was the cutest thing ever! He flailed around like a toddler!

Tuesday I showed off pictures at work and slept. Wednesday worked and slept. Thursday I worked 10 hours and got no sleep! Then Friday.

Oh, how I love Friday.

At 9:47 am one of my fellow teachers arrives to give me and my head teacher a bathroom break. We are peeling apples for snack, which I suck at, so I go first. I pee, and check for blood as usual. But this time, I FIND BLOOD! Light pink with some brown mixed in with some discharge. I am in my 13th week. I saw a heartbeat! He beat my bladder!

I go back to my classroom. My head teacher goes to the bathroom. I peel away at those apples trying to focus. Then my head teacher comes back and I whisper to her the issue. She excuses me to go call my doctor. But as I walk out, the teacher who is covering for me asks "Are you okay?" I was. Until she asked! Then I bawled. I went and tried calling my doctor in the hall. But every room gets a few minute break around this time. So every teacher kept walking by. And could see me losing it. So they hugged me. And talked to me. AS I AM TRYING TO HEAR MY OPTIONS ON THE DOCTORS LITTLE ANSWERING THING! I did not know what to hit so i hit 4 for an appointment.

At this point a family friend and one of our lunch ladies ushered me into the kitchen office, handed me a box of tissues and gave me some damn privacy!

I spoke to the office lady, she got me my nurse (They have 10 nurses and each patient gets there own. These nurses only have 10 patients each(ish) so they can memorize exactly what this person needs without looking at a file.) My nurse told me to breath, that I am 13 weeks. That he was fine on Monday. That I am okay. That he is okay. But that she would have the doctor rewatch the ultrasound and get back to me. She also gave me her cell phone number so that if I had any further issues before the doctor called I could get ahold of her even if she went on her break before then. And that if I decided to go home from work, the doctor would write me a note or whatever I needed.

I left. I could not stop crying. I did not even look at my toddlers as I left. I feel bad now, but at the time, a daycare was too scary.

I called Gee the second I got to the car and told him the situation and that I intended on colapsing into his arms the second I got home. I did.

He rubbed my back until I fell asleep and then left me. He had to distract himself with some xbox. My nurse called me back an hour later. She said everything was great on Monday, and that I had permission to push on my belly real quick. I felt him. (she had previously yelled at me for doing that even though I can feel a little bit if I do it. I like to feel) He was moving. Then she made me promise not to squish him anymore. Apparently this was a one time deal.

No hospital. No nothing. Haha yea right!

There was something.

PELVIC REST!

Bleeding for any unknown reason qualifies me for pelvic rest for 2 weeks. Strict, nearly bedrest, pelvic rest. So sex, no anything in there. No touching down there unless I am wiping. No pushing or lying on my stomach. Back or left side ONLY. No stairs. No running. No exercise besides swimming and walking. Oh, and no lifting more than 30 lbs. Which means no work for me.

For 2 weeks. We owed on our taxes, we recently found out that the gym membership I backed out on, is sueing us for our average monthly income, we have bills to pay, Gee's car needs $700 worth of work, and I CAN'T WORK!

I probably would have fought this any other time, but this if for the baby. This is for BFM, and I would do anything for him. Or her.

Gee freaked for a minute, then he realized WHY we were doing this.

We are okay now. Just going to be a struggle for a month or so. My mom contributed by giving us $50 worth of groceries. Which aint much. Just enough for 2 meals. Taco's and a frozen pizza. Oh, and milk. I think we could have handled the $50 (easily) but I believe it was her way of saying "I will give you whatever you need.". Which is sweet. But will make me feel like shit. I am pregnant and living off my mother. Happy Mother's Day! Crap, now I want a taco.

I exercised today. Just walking. I regret this decision. But it is the only thing I can do besides sit and lay. I walked with my friend and her 2 kids (my favorite kids) all day. Kroger, the park, the farm, everywhere. By the time I got back to my mom's (Gee had dropped me off there earlier since his car is broken) I sat on her couch and said "I am sorry, but can you take me home? I promise I will come back tomorrow. And can we get ice cream?". My momma loves me so she laughed and took me home, and gave me some oreo ice cream. Which I ate on the couch while Gee glared at me. I was raised an only child. I lack sharing skills.

Then I realized how boring life is when you can't even go up the stairs to talk to your husband. So, I wrote this super long post, updated my facebook 22000 times and am now going to walk to the kitchen and see about a taco.

Bobi