Probably short, but sweet.

I go back to work in a few hours. I don't want to! I enjoyed our schedule.

Let us begin when Gee gets home.

730a wake up, make Gee dinner and me breakfast. Lounge around and do nothing untl Gee is ready for bed.

1030-12ish Snack, Lay down with Gee for my nap, and his sleep.

2-3 Wake up, eat, get ready for the world Go visit if I am on pelvic rest/facebook and read when I was on bedrest (not as fun)

6p nap

9p wake up get Gee ready for work

4 am back to sleep.

This really worked for us. Ever since 6 weeks or so, this is the schedule my body has wanted. I hate having to fight my body. Right now my goal is to stay up until 5, sleep until 11, and then get ready and make it to work. Then after I get off around 6, I can nap until 9, get Gee out the door, and then hopefully be tired enough to go to sleep by 3 am. I am trying.

I only work Thursday and Friday, so I will probably fall back into my current schedule for the weekend and have to do this all over again on Sunday/Monday.

We plan to find out the sex. I have very specific wants/needs for a nursery theme and Gee is convinced, no color is neutral. He thinks green is a boy color, yellow is a girl color, and anyone who disagrees is just looking for an excuse to buy us baby stuff. I dont think people need an excuse to get me free stuff. I am not complaining.

Themes?

Why thank you for asking!

CareBear for a girl. With one room (yes, our nursery is 1 room that is broken into a playroom/bedroom) purple, one room pink.

Moose (M's nickname) and brown and white puppy dogs. It ain't easy finding Moose things for a baby. But I found some wall decals, a friend has agreed to attempt to draw M(she is brindle and very intricate), and we will go with one room tan, one room blue, then have dark chocolate brown and blue bedding and just find a ton of Moose, A (white dog), and M (brown or brindle) stuff.

So, I have my BB set so it doesn't vibrate for emails. Or make noise. I never paid attention before, but in the last week, I have noticed that most spam emailers send their crap at 4 am. WTF?

What else?

M has discovered the baby. Big time. She was loving on me when I was on bed rest, and she leaned down and put her ear on my upper stomach. Then jumped and wiggled down lower and listened. She held so still. Then "MRRRRRRRRRRR" and he kicked and even though Gee can't feel it yet, M reacted. She jumped back and looked at my belly like "Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?" I love her.

While Gee got ready for work today I showed him my new game. I push on the left, and feel something push back about an inch over. I push on the right, and feel something over on the left. I spent all day playing this game while sitting around doing nothing but eat. Gee played but he swears he can't feel it so it was useless. It just feels kind of like checking a pulse. Only this heart is arms or legs. And sporadic. Just a little bump* then nothing. You have to concentrate and pay close attention. Gee sucks at that.

I look fancy and beautiful in my maternity shirts. Empire waist, I love you. I have never felt so lovely. I mean, I feel great, my belly looks great, but my FACE! Pregnancy acne! Oh, and my chest, back and arms. I got a zit on my wrist! Another on my BOOB! Is there no cure? Nothing is working! My face is so oily you could fry something on it! I use toilet paper, baby wipes (my beauty must have) and everything to wipe my face off during the day, but even that, combined with washing it everytime I notice it, is not working. I even put peroxide on the one on my boob and wrist. Took those bad boys away in a day! Seriously, can I rub peroxide on my entire face? Dry it the hell out?

Eating. Good LORD! Every 2-3 hours. I think that is usually what wakes me up! If I lay down too soon after eating I will get acid reflux. If I wait too long, I wake up to a rumbling and nausea! A GIRL CAN'T WIN! I don't know how to afford my eating habits. I eat half a bagel, and an hour later I need the second half! I eat an apple and a banana and an hour later, I need more! I ate chinese. Which I knew would not fill me long. The portions were the size of a watermelon. I ate half. An hour later I got home with the leftovers and ate the other half! Good LORD! What is wrong with me? I bought $150 worth of groceries for $81. (I am learning to shop the sales so that I have some money left over to satisfy my cravings.) I have ate it all. Since Sunday. Well, I have 3 bagels, half a packet of cream cheese, half a carton of eggs, 1 slice of cheese, some mixed veggies, and 3 lbs of frozen hamburger. That is all that is left. Gee is a pig. But I am now a giant pig. It disgusts me. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Is this just pregnancy? Is everyone like this? I am only 15 weeks!

Oh, cute moment. So, Gee and I watched "Look Who's Talking" the other day. In the scene where she chugs the entire gallon of apple juice, then they cut to the baby who is pulling on the cord saying "Hey, let's get some apple juice down here." Gee turned to me and said, "Great, now at least I understand the chugging. And the moaning." I moan when I drink. It allows me to get more in faster or something. It is really just a loud exhale, but Gee calls it moaning. That is the back story. Today Gee came home. Without milk. I text him twice last night reminding him that I need milk (milk and burgers are my biggest cravings) or I will die. I woke up, dying to go chug some milk, and NO MILK! I had vowed not to leave the house today. I needed a day to lay around and do nothing one last time before work tomorrow. When Gee got up, he refused to leave early and run milk home. So, I went without. Then Gee sent me a picture from our ultrasound, with "Hey, let's get some milk down here" TOO CUTE!

Anywho, it is almost 5. Goodnight/Good Morning.

Bobi

AKS= After Kidney Stones

Life is better. I feel better. And we settled the spotting issue.





My placenta is slightly low, and the way the baby is positioned, he (yep still saying he and not it) beats the crap out of it anytime I piss him off. Scary wolf-like dog trying to jump our fence to kill us? Bleeding within an hour.





Mom yelling frantically, sending me running towards her, bleeding within half an hour.





Make me jump, and I will kill you.





Luckily, my placenta is already growing farther up, isn't a previa, and should be taking care of this without any medical intervention. So, I am off bed rest, pelvic rest, and all rest.





WOOT!





Gee and I must've needed some action because last night (after the doctor gave us the okay) we were too tired to have sex. So we went to sleep. At 10 pm I kissed him. This lead to him kissing me, and while still being halfway asleep, we did the deed. And no bleeding. But I did feel the baby moving after sex. Which was weird, but I was too tired to psychoanalyze this.








Still waiting on 2 stones. Not coming. They hate me. They'll come Thursday between 130 and 6 when I start working half days. This will be my first day back. I agreed to start off doing half days, but I would love a real paycheck, not just some measly little thing. Although, we do plan on me just doing halfdays when the bambino comes, for now, I like money.





Our financial situation sucks right now. We have to get Gee a new job. He is dying. They told him that since he missed 2 consecutive days for ME and not for himself, he has to go on FMLA. HAS TO.

So, he submitted the paperwork and for a week now they have been looking for a reason to turn him down. Or erm, reviewing his request.

Baby's heart beat was 152 yesterday. He gets mad. Easily. Well, anytime I wake him up. From what I understand, my placenta is next to my bladder. So, I feel his feet on my bladder, then his arms on my stomach. He comes up above my belly button. Which is creating a cool line. I have 2 pouches on my belly. The highest one if organs and intestines that have been pushed up, the lower one is baby, poop, water retention and poop.

At the first appointment, I had gained a pound of poop. Second appointment, 4 pounds, but I had already ate and hadn't pooped in 3 days, I weighed 2 lbs less the next day. This was my 3rd OB appointment and GASP! I gained 10 lbs. Like 10 from the start of pregnancy. I am 15 weeks and I have gained 10 lbs! I have a goal of only gaining 15-20! I think this ia mistake. In a week I went from gaining a total of 5 lbs, down to a total of 3 lbs, and then up to 10 lbs! I know I was on pelvic/bedrest and all, but COME ON!

And no one said anything. I posted on FB "What did I eat to gain so much weight?" and my cousin replied "A baby! Don't you know that while they weigh 1/2 an ounce in there, it really computes to 30 lbs outside? duh!" I wish I could accept that. My mother even said "Kind of shocked they didn't mention the weight." Oh, and she weighed 100lbs when she got pregnant with me, and she only gained 22 lbs and lost 18 lbs by the time I was 3 months old. A year later she wore a size 2 dress that she borrowed from my cousin (who was 16) to her company's Christmas party. Anyone ever get the urge to slap their Mama?

My Thyroid is cured! Well, for the time being. They say it is impossible, but I had the same thing happen to my best friend. She became HYPO after her daughter was born. Then 4 years later she got pregnant with her son, and somehow it went away and has never come back. Our shared endocrinologist says we are crazy.

Anywho the same best friend just called.

Bobi

My First Mother's Day (kind of)

So, Sunday morning I woke up with some pressure. In my vah-jay-jay. Some period like cramping, and a back ache from my lower back to the bra strap area. I tried walking around, tried a hot bath, they dulled it but nothing significant. I called the doctor. The midwife called me back and she wanted to get the OB's opinion before deciding what to do, but she suggested laying down with a pillow between my legs. I fell asleep. Three hours later the doctor had not called.

I bitched to Gee who was, by this point, ready to have a heart attack. I called the midwife back and explained how now it felt like the pressure was gone, but it hurt in my back more. She said it could be a bacterial infection or a cervical issue and that I may have laid wrong.

I prayed for the laying wrong idea and a bacterial infection. (At this point an std or BV sounded like an awesome idea) Then everything went away, except for the the back pain, which by now i felt in my right side right below my rib cage. Sadly, you have probably already figured this out, but it took me an hour.

My mom came over to hang out for Mother's day (Midwife also ordered me not to get out of bed for any reason other than peeing) and when she walked in and noticed how messy my house is, she began cleaning. Leaving me writhing in pain, alone in bed. Gee thought something was wrong with the baby and was upstairs trying to deal with it in his own way, bitching to friends and killing people on xbox.

I felt like I could not get comfortable. No matter what. I tried everything. I was stretching, trying weird positions, making Gee rub my back (when he came downstairs) and everything else I could think of. It did not work. I tried getting into the tub (while Gee is upstairs and my mom is cleaning) and it still hurt. By this point I knew I had a kidney infection.

I went to my mom, bawling like a baby, and said "Just take me to the ER" and then started explaining how I am such a wimp, how am I going to birth a baby if a damn kidney infection takes me down?

She and Gee took me to the hospital, laughing and making jokes the entire way. Gee even proclaimed that once they checked the baby, he was walking home. So, I threatened to beat them, kill them, and walk the rest of the way myself. They shut up.

Then we got rushed right in , and they took my BP, oxygen and pulse. My pulse was high for anyone, my BP was 130/80 (I am generally 60/80 and have actually been asked if I am alive.) My oxygen saturation was 88. It hurt to breath, hurt to cough, laugh, smile, be alive! And nothing would take it away. My Mom joked that it would suck if these doctors were making such a big deal and then we found out it was gas. Gee joked that I am pregnant, and with pregnancy everything always comes back to gas.

I threatened their lives again and switched positons another 200 times. The doctor rushed in, checked the baby, and realized, their ultrasound machine was not meant for OB and couldn't record the heart beat. So, they tried doing it another way, which came back as 216 beats per minute! They said that yes, he was agitated and his heart was fast, but they did not think 216 was accurate. But, he definitely could not get comfortable just like me. I assume that everytime I moved, he moved, and I was trying EVERYTHING to get comfortable, which means I was flopping around like a freaking fish out of water. Poor BFM.

Then they let me pee, and did an ultrasound on my kidney. Which was healthy, and fine. So they checked my left kidney, healthy and fine. Then right as they finished they came in with the results of my pee test. No infection. But blood. Then, as I switched positions for the 100000000th time, they asked "Are you having trouble getting comfortable?" I burst into tears, and Gee said "DUH!".

They explained how the blood and me not being able to get comfortable meant kidney stones. They could not do a CAT scan since I am pregnant, but explained what was going on and that my bleeding Friday was probably not related at all. So, I am still on severely restricted pelvic rest and I am waiting for a pain that will "make sure you don't need an epidural during labor". FUCK!

I also got vicodin. I questioned them, I called my nurse, I asked the pharmacist, they said with kidney stones, vicodin is okay. It would lower the heart rate slightly, and make him sleepy. So, I popped that bad boy and 30 minutes later I was eating a big juicy burger and living the high life.

But I am me, so I used my phone to talk to Dr. Google. Apparently, when a woman has kidney stones, it will put her in so much pain, that she may go into premature labor or miscarry. So, death of baby, or lower heart rate and drowsiness, I pick heart rate and drowsiness.

Gee and I agreed though, that while the stones were traveling from my kidney to my bladder, I would take the vicodin, but I would make sure to leave an hour break for BFM to feel normal.

HA!

The vicodin wore off 5 hours later. Five! Not the 6 the bottle says! I ended up vomiting. All of my burger and fries. Which was the ONLY thing I had ate all day. Apparently pregnant me says "Ouch! that hurts, lets barf!" It did not work. Still hurt. So, Gee said to just take the pill. So, I took it 15 minutes early. Then an hour later, I got the shakes. And dizzy. And the general "I need food" feeling. My blood sugar was 42. Gee made me chocolate milk (not sugar free!) and potatoes and corn. Oddly, that is what I wanted. Starch and sugar!

Then I sat down on the couch, and could not get back up. I was too tired. Gee assisted me to bed, and I passed out! Four hours later I woke up, peed, and felt fine. Then another 4 hours later I woke up and realized, THE PAIN WAS GONE! cue angels singing.

So, the little rock babies who plan to rip and cut their way out of my poor little urethra, are safely in my bladder. I have felt great all day. I get a follow up with my OB in the morning to check on baby fishy monster, and wait for my practice labor that promises to be 10x worse than labor. Dr. Google has me afraid to pee.

So, wish a girl luck, and say a prayer or a hope, or toss some rock baby dust over here. And if you are in Ohio and hear a woman screaming in the bathroom, and she may or may not be using the Bradley Method to urinate, please, keep walking.


Oh, and my mom and Gee, have both been kissing my ass. They feel so guilty. The moment they said "Kidney stones" I smirked at those two! Gas! GAS! As far as I am concerned, they can come enjoy practice labor with me, and I promise to squeeze their hands the entire time!


Bobi

13w4d

Hello.

See that? Up there? That is BFM. He does not look like a fishy monster anymore. He looks like a BABY!

A baby who gave his/her (I will probably continue to refer to it as a him because IT feels so wrong at this point) Mama a little heart attack this week.

On Monday we woke up at the asscrack of dawn (earlier than I get up when I work) and drove 45 minutes to the wonderful super ultrasound institute. I had to pee. Which I made sure of on purpose. Then went back and let a lady put some goo on me and tuck a cloth into my nether regions to protect the maternity pants I am now forced to wear.

Then it all began. She measured his neck, but he would not move from his side. So, she wiggled me. He refused to budge. His heart beat was 158. She made me roll right, he waved an arm but went right back to sleep. She rolled me left. He snuggled up tighter. She made me get up and march around with a towel hanging from my undies and maternity pants that were by this point ready to fall off! Then she got me back on the table. He kicked my bladder and continued his rest. By now I have been in this room, having to pee for 15 minutes. So, what does our Tech do? She pushes the little nozzle down ONTO MY BELLY, and JIGGLES!.

HELLO PISSED OFF BABY!

Immediately we see feet kicking like crazy, hands all over the place and a baby who is no longer slumbering but throwing a fit! Super angry! It took him several minutes to calm down but he did move to his back and let her measure. After completing his fit and getting in some good blows to my FULL BLADDER! I swear, if anyone ever wakes this kid, I will kill them. He obviously wanted to sleep.

And she didnt even take pictures of his fit! I am sorry but that was the cutest thing ever! He flailed around like a toddler!

Tuesday I showed off pictures at work and slept. Wednesday worked and slept. Thursday I worked 10 hours and got no sleep! Then Friday.

Oh, how I love Friday.

At 9:47 am one of my fellow teachers arrives to give me and my head teacher a bathroom break. We are peeling apples for snack, which I suck at, so I go first. I pee, and check for blood as usual. But this time, I FIND BLOOD! Light pink with some brown mixed in with some discharge. I am in my 13th week. I saw a heartbeat! He beat my bladder!

I go back to my classroom. My head teacher goes to the bathroom. I peel away at those apples trying to focus. Then my head teacher comes back and I whisper to her the issue. She excuses me to go call my doctor. But as I walk out, the teacher who is covering for me asks "Are you okay?" I was. Until she asked! Then I bawled. I went and tried calling my doctor in the hall. But every room gets a few minute break around this time. So every teacher kept walking by. And could see me losing it. So they hugged me. And talked to me. AS I AM TRYING TO HEAR MY OPTIONS ON THE DOCTORS LITTLE ANSWERING THING! I did not know what to hit so i hit 4 for an appointment.

At this point a family friend and one of our lunch ladies ushered me into the kitchen office, handed me a box of tissues and gave me some damn privacy!

I spoke to the office lady, she got me my nurse (They have 10 nurses and each patient gets there own. These nurses only have 10 patients each(ish) so they can memorize exactly what this person needs without looking at a file.) My nurse told me to breath, that I am 13 weeks. That he was fine on Monday. That I am okay. That he is okay. But that she would have the doctor rewatch the ultrasound and get back to me. She also gave me her cell phone number so that if I had any further issues before the doctor called I could get ahold of her even if she went on her break before then. And that if I decided to go home from work, the doctor would write me a note or whatever I needed.

I left. I could not stop crying. I did not even look at my toddlers as I left. I feel bad now, but at the time, a daycare was too scary.

I called Gee the second I got to the car and told him the situation and that I intended on colapsing into his arms the second I got home. I did.

He rubbed my back until I fell asleep and then left me. He had to distract himself with some xbox. My nurse called me back an hour later. She said everything was great on Monday, and that I had permission to push on my belly real quick. I felt him. (she had previously yelled at me for doing that even though I can feel a little bit if I do it. I like to feel) He was moving. Then she made me promise not to squish him anymore. Apparently this was a one time deal.

No hospital. No nothing. Haha yea right!

There was something.

PELVIC REST!

Bleeding for any unknown reason qualifies me for pelvic rest for 2 weeks. Strict, nearly bedrest, pelvic rest. So sex, no anything in there. No touching down there unless I am wiping. No pushing or lying on my stomach. Back or left side ONLY. No stairs. No running. No exercise besides swimming and walking. Oh, and no lifting more than 30 lbs. Which means no work for me.

For 2 weeks. We owed on our taxes, we recently found out that the gym membership I backed out on, is sueing us for our average monthly income, we have bills to pay, Gee's car needs $700 worth of work, and I CAN'T WORK!

I probably would have fought this any other time, but this if for the baby. This is for BFM, and I would do anything for him. Or her.

Gee freaked for a minute, then he realized WHY we were doing this.

We are okay now. Just going to be a struggle for a month or so. My mom contributed by giving us $50 worth of groceries. Which aint much. Just enough for 2 meals. Taco's and a frozen pizza. Oh, and milk. I think we could have handled the $50 (easily) but I believe it was her way of saying "I will give you whatever you need.". Which is sweet. But will make me feel like shit. I am pregnant and living off my mother. Happy Mother's Day! Crap, now I want a taco.

I exercised today. Just walking. I regret this decision. But it is the only thing I can do besides sit and lay. I walked with my friend and her 2 kids (my favorite kids) all day. Kroger, the park, the farm, everywhere. By the time I got back to my mom's (Gee had dropped me off there earlier since his car is broken) I sat on her couch and said "I am sorry, but can you take me home? I promise I will come back tomorrow. And can we get ice cream?". My momma loves me so she laughed and took me home, and gave me some oreo ice cream. Which I ate on the couch while Gee glared at me. I was raised an only child. I lack sharing skills.

Then I realized how boring life is when you can't even go up the stairs to talk to your husband. So, I wrote this super long post, updated my facebook 22000 times and am now going to walk to the kitchen and see about a taco.

Bobi

12w4d

I am technically only 12w3d but dammit, I have an hour!

I promise I will scan our next Ultrasound picture.

I have been gone for awhile due to exhaustion and timing and just enjoying this gift.

I had very easy to control morning sickness until about 9 weeks when BAM! I lost control. It was a rough 18 days of vomit. But I have felt better since. I caught te flu. The doctor told me I could throw everything up for 12 hours but after that, I had best get my butt to the ER. So, just an hour shy of 12 hours, I ate 2 bites of Gee's bagel, had 2 sips of water and went to bed. TADA! I survived and woke up to eat a whole bagel and then 2 hours later a pizza. I made half an extra large pizza last 8 hours because more than 1 piece at a time will KILL my stomach.

I finally realized how to poop. It comes like clock work. Three small pebbles every hour for 3 hours. Apparently that is fine. I had been nervous about showing my ultrasound picture to people because I am convinced you can tell how full of shit I am in it. I only know what the uterus is and what the baby is in it (It was taken at like 10 weeks 4 days) and all that other stuff could be poop as far as I know.

Either way, tomorrow my MIL is getting a framed picture of it for her birthday. And for 's Mother's Day the two Great Grandmother's, and Two Grandmother's are getting framed pictures of the Ultrasound we will be getting Monday.

Yay!

I no longer think I am having a boy. I think I am having a stroller. I dream about my stroller. It is the only thing I can for sure picture in my head. I see a mass of blankets inside of it and that is it. And bitches better stop stealing my stroller in my dreams because I wake up in a panic.

My dream last night was awful. My MIL (in my dream) bought us a wicker pink and white bassinet. It was beautiful. Then she died. My MIL. We were comforting my FIL when suddenly he decided he needed money and wanted to pawn my bassinet. So Gee and I chased him trying to stop him but Gee ended up being too afraid to stand up to his father about it. Then Gee woke me up and when I shared this dream he asked me to never share it again. AKA do not tell anyone how much of a jerk his father is. Because his dad really would do that if a bassinet were worth pawning.

We have done nothing. The plan was that by this weekend the house would be cleaned and organized and the nursery would be empty of everything besides a crib. The nursery is packed full of things that need to be organized and stored in the attic or given away or sold at a garage sale. The house is at it's worst ever. Doing dishes has made me throw up at least 12 times and I have finally given up. Gee sucks at dishes and is just refusing. So, I am trying to find a good time to pay my mother to do it for me. I did clean and organize the living room Thursday after I recovered from my flu. I also have managed to keep up with the bathroom. Today I cleaned off the dining room table and maybe tomorrow I will organized everything else in the dining room. That is probably as far as I will get this weekend.

We have not bought the crib. It was meant to be the 12 week gift to ourselves but we failed. We still have some fears.

Speaking of. After this long of trying and so many losses, I am allowed to be the crazy pregnant woman who obsesses over every twinge, every feeling, every symptom. I am allowed to continue to check for blood everytime I pee. I am allowed to lay in bed for hours just trying to imagine the "What ifs". Recently some of my friends decided that I am not. Okay, just 2 people who have never had a loss. One got pregnant on accident, one got pregnant on accident once and then tried for 8 months for number 2. For 4 of those months her husband wasn't even sure he wanted another child at the time. So, when I finally got pregnant, we talked. At first number 1 was complaining about how she wanted to be induced from the time she was 34 weeks. Friend number 2 was bitching about her pregnancy before I even got pregnant. Bitching to an infertile! It is a crime. But apparently I commited a cardinal sin.

I am sorry I am a crazy pregnant woman. Switch me places and let's see how you feel.



Everything else is dandy. I promise I will update Monday or Tuesday after the ultrasound.


Bobi

Nervous

what, if anything, do you know about mthfr polymorphism? my phone will not let me capitalize too much so this wont be the best blog post ever. but im worried and sharing . my cousin has mthfr and it caused her to clot at 11 weeks and lose her baby. when i told the nurse that it was in my family history (just the one cousin though) she turned white as a sheet and explained it a little bit. if i were to have it i would never relax. id be on bed rest blood thinners, etc. and have a chortened life span.

silly to worry about stuff that chances are, i dont have. but i do. its my job. i cant find anything on dr. google. so share any knowledge you have.

as for me, i got to see the monster today. baby fishy monster was doing some cartwheels and his heart was going a mile a minute. it was just a nurses visit so i didnt expect to see him, but when she heard we had a family history of twins, she pulled out an ultrasound maachine from the 90's and check him out. we just got one picture and since she couldnt zoom in its not very good, but since he was so little, he almost looked like a starfish. a cute one! anywho every 5 seconds my phone is now popping up with an alert about losing the page data and i dont want to retype this so i think i better post quick.

hopefully all remains well. only 29 weeks and 1 day left!

Friday Night Leftovers the Oh! Yeah! Hi! Edition

Sorry. It has been a long time. I apologize. I have been commenting and leaving little tidbits there. So, you all should know I am alive.

I guess my radio silence started after a friend, lets call her Klee, had the idea to start a blog. I gave her the links to a few friends, including Jen. Jen had just suffered a loss and is always such a great blogger that I thought she would be one of the top 3 blogs to recommend.

I did not realize that Klee's friend Carol was 9 months pregnant, had no life, and was a stalker of sorts. By reading the comments on Jen's loss and the story I told to try and distract her while she waited for Luke, Carol and Klee found me. I had stressed just how much I did not want to be found. I have let my sister, and my friend Katie read this blog. That is it. Not even Gee.

This is my one place to be free. To say what I want. To shout from the mountain. I like it private. I like it safe. I like to know that I can say "So and so cheated on their pregnant girlfriend." and no one will know who I am talking about!

If BBBB ever came accross this blog, she would either A) Kill herself B) Sue me C) Apologize. I only like one of those options and it is the least likely. I like things private. Klee and Carol are also on my facebook discussing pregnancy every day. They discuss it with people who I discuss on here all the time. Hell, I am pretty damn sure I have bitched about both Klee and Carol on here many times. But that is why THIS IS MY SPACE!

So, I had debated on going to invite only. But I like new people coming in. Then I find their blogs and read them, and I feel more of a member of the community. I debated on switching to a different blog and just shooting an email out to a few people telling them where to go. But if Carol ever gets bored again (her newborn apparently is a great sleeper), I will have the same issue.

My mind has been over stressed, over anxious, over worked, just thinking about how much I wanted to blog. But these two people ruined it for me. They ruined the one free place I had. Something all my own.

I will not stand for it. So until I come up with a better option, I will continue blogging, and if Carol and Klee read, that is fine, but I will never discuss my blog with them. If they comment, I will not answer. In RL if they mention it, I will probably snap, and then refuse to answer. This is my private space.

Oh, and if either one of them piss me off to the point where I have to tell someone, Yep, you guessed it, I will come here. And I will say what I want. They crossed a boundary that I had clearly set, and if they get hurt, I can honestly say, I will not feel bad.

Now on to

LEFTOVERS!

• I am actually farther along than they believed. My period started on 2-7-11 but I ovulated on 2-14 to 2-17. Ultrasound will determine just how far, but I am guessing 9wk6d.


• I felt "quickening" and nearly shit my pants. I never expected that. It has nly happened twice and only when I am laying on my stomach.


• Went to the midwife. Gee freaked out. He can't handle the idea of no hospital, no Doctor, etc. So, we compromised. I will be going to a group. One OB (my first male ob) who works with 4 or 5 midwives. The midwives do everything, but the OB is there for emergencies and such. I will be giving birth ina hospital. Only one in our area offers waterbirth and these midwives highly recommend it. First appointment on the 18th!


• I want to take Bradley Method birthing classes. Gee doesn't understand this.


• I love my job.


• Gee is holding a lot of reservations and is afraid of this pregnancy. He has only mentioned it once without a prompt.


• Gee also does not believe in cravings, hormones or eating to avoid morning sickness. Bitch ate my roll. I had big plans for that roll. Had to eat peanut butter toast with no milk and it made me throw up! Too dry!


• Spent $60 in 3 days just to satisfy cravings. Never again.


• Can't poop.

Anywho, go check out Danifred who I am sure can poop.

Bobi