Guilt

I feel guilty. I am going to return one of my shower gifts. It is a longer/bouncer thing and it is ugly. Well, it is cute, in baby world. But it is bright blue, bright green and loud color-wise. Not our style at all. We like baby items that look like furniture. Our house is all earth tones. And so we selected items for our registry that matched. Neutral, earth toned items. The person who bought it for us said they liked this item because it would grow with the child. Which is great. But we don't need that. We want an item that says "peaceful" not "crazy loud".

Am I being picky? Probably.

The item we selected is brown, beige and earthy green. Plus, it has monkies. Which George finds very important.

Plus, the item that was bought for us, cost more than what we even wanted. I kind of feel bad. This person wasted money.

The problem? I have no idea where they bought this item. And I don't want to run from store to store asking "do you sell this?" over and over. But I think I have to.

The positive? Since I don't have a receipt I will have to settle for a gift card. This is a positive because I can use that gift card on something we want or need, and then use our own money to go to babies r us and get the item we want. And since babies r us is giving away coupons with every purchase, we ended up with 10 or so 20% off coupons that are good after September 23. So our desired item will be like $1 off.

I feel guilty though. This person obviously thought we would enjoy this product and I feel like it is a personal insult to her to return it. But I feel like this item will annoy me. I am having a hard enough time with my Magazine Worthy living room being crowded with baby items. I feel like those items should at least be in my own taste and look like they belong in our house instead of belonging in a daycare. God! I sound so selfish. And prissy. I also feel like I should hide my shame and not even mention returning anything. George and my mom are the only people who will know. Luckily, this person lives 50 miles away and probably won't be popping in.

Today is the big day. The day I cut off my hair. It is 16 inches long now. Meaning Lock of Love will be getting 10 inches while I get to sport an Inverted Bob with stacking in the back. Yep, I have spent 3 months asking people what type of hairstyle they are rocking. All so I can copy it.

I asked my cousin to do it, and she said she hates that hairstyle so I shouldn't let her do it. At least she was honest! So, my friend from high school, who also cuts my mother's hair, will be doing it for me.

I am nervous. If it turns out horrible, I won't have enough hair left to fix it! Plus, this is my hair. The tips are the same hair I had when I got married! This hair has been through so much with me. Am I a weirdo for being attached to my hair?

How will it feel when I go to wash my hair and only need a tiny bit of shampoo? How will I get used to brushing it without having to throw it over my shoulder? Or being able to toss it up in a ponytail?

But gone will be the days of greasy looking hair. Lately, it seems like no matter what I do, I can't get all the conditioner out. This is extremely annoying.

The first baby that was born, the one born to the fertile? Well, things aren't so easy anymore. I feel so awful for having my negative thoughts. The little one, not even 2 weeks yet, woke her mom up by SCREAMING last night. Immediately, Fertile knew something was wrong, but when she picked her daughter up, she really knew something was wrong. The baby was HOT! They checked her temperature and she had a fever of 100. They called the doctor and he was concerned and just wanted her to get checked out. So, they went to the hospital. Within that 40 minute period of checking the temp, calling the doctor and getting to the hospital, the baby;s temperature was up to 101. They ran a few tests and even did a spinal tap. Nothing has really been said as to what it could be, but they are keeping her until she is fever free since she is only 10 or so days old.

I know spinal taps are painful. I have watched House. So I can't imagine watching my newborn go through that. But Fertile (now I even feel bad calling her that) was allowed to stay in the room. I can't imagine how scary it must be to have a child so sick at such a young age. Poor little girl.

Moose has not had another seizure. Thank God! But if I am in bed, or in the tub, and I hear a weird noise or a boom, I run for Moose. The cat knocked over a stack of baby items, Moose whimpered in her sleep, stupid things, and I ran. She is my baby.

The mouse has not returned in days. Not even a peep, scratch or scurry from any of the known mouse places. The cats are disturbed by this. I am questioning where the mouse has gone. No smell, so I assume he didn't die. Or maybe he died and we are just lucky enough not to smell him? Never really had something dead under my house before. I don't know how much stink a mouse can have. I hope he is dead. Sorry little guy, but you chose the wrong house.

If he is still alive, go torture the pot smoking neighbor who spends all his time up at the bar and made his kids go over half the summer without a/c while he spent his time and money there. He is also the guy who can't back out of his driveway without flooring it. So when he hits ice and hops the curb into our yard, I panic. Our fence is 10 feet off the street. If he hits our fence, on that side, the kitchen and dining room are only another 10 feet. Hit those, and you get to meet your maker. Hit the fence when the dogs are out, and meet your maker. This year will be even worse with Huddy here. Property damage is one thing, but now the asshole will have my child's life in his hands. I really hate this guy.

He also watched me mow the lawn. A few weeks ago, George taught me to use the push mower. I liked it. So, last week I was mowing the lawn while George was trimming the hedges and the trees. I was lost in my own world until I looked to my right. This neighbor was sitting on a lawn chair, in his front yard, with his hands curiously in his lap, shirtless, watching me. This man is NOT attractive. He is downright creepy looking. Plus, the way his hands were, I think he was hiding something. And he wasn't just staring, he was blatantly staring, like he didn't care when I looked and caught him. It is like he is some sicko. I am huge and pregnant buddy, the last thing I need is some huge and hairy fat guy checking me out.

Then the next night he was outside, in his lawnchair and stared as George left for work. George called me and made me check all the doors and windows and make sure I had Moose with me at all times. I figured George was being over protective, until at 3 am I went pee and noticed a person in the street light. Yep, he had walked out his front door and towards our house. I grabbed the butcher knife, flipped our lights and waited. He paused and kind of just stood at the edge of the street. Then turned back and went inside. We have told numerous people about this, because if something ever does happen, he is the guy. But it isn't like we can call the cops. Being creepy isn't illegal. It should be though.

Oh, and I am warning you now, I will try to keep politics off my blog. They're just not pretty. But if you support Governor Perry, you will be insulted at some point. His beliefs are insane. Seriously, wiki him. He has no issue with giving mentally delayed adults the death penalty. He has used the veto power more than any other governor. He thinks that homosexuals should just stop having sex, just like an alcoholic should just stop drinking. I have a friend who is in school to be an addictions counselor and she really liked that last one.

Sorry. That is it. I won't mention my last 5 reasons for disliking him and the 1 reason I do like him.

Anywho, I told George I would do some dishes and make food, and he will be home in an hour and I have done nothing but update our registry and blog.